Need Some Advice/Help re: odd thoughts

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A bit of background, for several years, my son (8.5years) has talked about a "family in his tummy". There are quite a few of them and when he was around 5 and 6, he would talk about them with a bit of frequency. Then he very rarely spoke about them, but they came back with a vengeance this weekend. While in the tub last night, he told me his family in his tummy was very happy. I asked him several questions about his family, what they were doing, how many were in there now (200! including the babies), etc. I asked if the mommy in his tummy was his mommy as well. He said he has two mom's and that I am his "birth mom". I asked him if his family has ever told him to do things that maybe he shouldn't be doing and he said that they told him some things were "top secret" and he wasn't to tell anyone!

My thought is that I want to build up more trust with my son that will encourage him to disclose some of these things. (For the record, I did ask him if his family was a good story that he was telling, or if they were real to him, and he was quite adamant they are real ). My hubby, on the other hand, did not feel the same way last night, and spent 30 minutes telling my son that "his family" was just in his brain and it was his brain telling him these things. My son was crying and quite upset that his dad didn't believe him about his family.

I don't know what to do! I can see my husband's point of view, however I am also concerned that if we challenge him on this that he will "hide" his family and thoughts from us.

I know this is a lil beyond the scope of this board, however, like I said, up until last night, it was just a quirk we were dealing with very infrequently. Does anyone here have any experience with something like this? We do have a referral in to a psychiatrist, and I am phoning tomorrow a.m. to try and get an appointment date.

cutiecrystalmom

I suspect that this is actually an unusual form of imaginary friend, which is something kids grow out of.

Doesn't sound like something to worry about to me. It's nice your son has that imaginary world. Imaginary worlds are as real as "real life" in their own way, they're just not accessible to everyone else unless he shares it with you. Anyone who creates their own fictional world kind of has to really believe in one way or another in the world for it to be meaningful. Otherwise all fictional movies and books and so on would not be very compelling. Just my thoughts. Obviously I'm not a psychiatrist and if his "family" were telling him to do dangerous things, that would be pathological, but it sounds happy and fun and magical and harmless to me as you've described it.

thank you Phonic and purchase for the replies. I agree, his talking seems more magical and imaginary to me. I guess I am just more inclined to "go with it" than my husband is at this point. Perhaps that is more of a concern than the family in the tummy

Well, I do not know the severity of your sons autism but I do know that all kids on the spectrum have varying degrees of maturity.

At 8.5 you would expect a child to move away from their imaginary friends.

My daughter is 8 going on 9, dxed with AS. She is about 3 years behind her peers maturity wise. She still enjoys playing with her dinosaurs and Lil'est Pet Shop while other girls her age are moving onto cell phones and Justin Beiber. I'm not going to force maturity on her. I actually consider myself lucky because I'll have my innocent little girl that much longer. With AS I know she will eventually mature - just at a slower rate.

As long as your son's imaginary family aren't telling him to do things he doesn't want to do and they provide him comfort, I'm not sure there is any harm in it. He may just grow out of it more slowly than you may instinctually feel comfortable with. I wouldn't try to talk him out of them but maybe councel him on keeping them a 'family secret' - not to talk about them at school and such. That may make the social ramifications a bit easier on him - (I'm guessing that is a concern).

If at any time this imaginary family tells him to act out, break rules, hurt people, etc... it's doctor time.

thanks for the reply draelynn. we are currently pursuing an AS dx for our son. what you have said about maturity certainly rings true in our house. The emotional maturity is delayed by at least 2-3 years. He did assure me they are just a happy family in his tummy, and from what he said, boy those kids sure get to have a LOT of fun Thank you for the reassurance.

Getting his teachers involved with his special interests can begin now. A sit down conversation can help get them on board before your dx. Let them know you are pursuing one and have an open discussion about the challenges they have seen. A list of his interests is a good tool to help keep him engaged.

I have been working quite closely with the school for the past two years, although it hasn't always been easy (could be a huge understatement). I haven't provided a list of his special interests to them, that's a great idea! I incorporate them into almost everything we do at home. One issue he has at school is around asking for help (surprise, surprise!). I told him to think of his teacher as Youtube where he can find "cheats", so when he needs help, he "logs onto" Mr. L and asks his question. It is helping *somewhat*

The biggest challenge has been to get the school to recognize that my kid is not simply a "behavior problem", that there are some very real and relatively simple adaptations that can be made to assist him when he is struggling. Thankfully I was just connected with our district's Autism Teach Specialist, who is going to assist me with advocating for him within the school, even though he does not yet have a dx. She is also strongly recommending a teacher assistant for next year despite the fact he currently has no designation, based on all we have experienced over the past three years.

We actually went private for both autism screening (at age 7) and psychoeducational assessment (beginning of this school year). Our son presented wonderfully during the ADOS and the other screening for spectrum disorder did not indicate *enough* of an issue. Somewhat surprising given all the issues we are dealing with - huge sensory issues, delayed social skills, lack of eye contact, issues with transitioning, obsessions, flapping/jumping. The screening leaned more towards anxiety and suggested possible oppositional defiance disorder (which I totally disagree with ODD as there is no intent on his part to be a pain in the a$$). The summary of the report identified issues that are found on the spectrum, and the recommendations from that report are recommendations you would find for a child who is on the spectrum.

The psych-ed identified deficits in almost all the executive function areas, issues with social skills and emotion regulation. Average intelligence with low average processing speed and written output issues. She then went on and diagnosed him as ADHD based on the Conner's computer screening for ADHD and her in office observations (squirming in seat, fidgeting). I completely disagree with the ADHD dx as well as we have no attention issues at home, he is quite content to read his books for hours on end.

We took him for a private occupational therapy consultation, which identified a multitude of sensory issues, including the need for movement, which would explain some of the office observations. He is now going for OT once a week until the end of May. Interestingly enough, the OT sees behaviors/issues that fit on the spectrum and not ADHD. We also took him to a developmental optometrist for visual screening and learned he has visual perception issues related to visual-motor movements and visual memory.

We have been pushed by his mental health worker towards medication for anxiety, we were pushed by the evaluator to explore medication for ADHD. Not opposed to medication, but prefer to figure out what exactly we are medicating. Anxiety and ADHD - two very different things. So we went to our pediatrician who was quite adamant she wanted him re-screened for the spectrum. I have to agree with her at this point. Perhaps we will be proven wrong, I don't know, but at this point, the spectrum seems to *fit* what we are seeing and experiencing.

In the meantime, I do my best to support my son and his learning, advocating for him within the school and trying to get them to understand that their traditional methods of teaching and discipline are not going to be as effective. He was penalized in grade two because he could not show two different ways to solve the same math problem. Seriously.
His grade two year was a disaster, mostly because his teacher decided very early on that he was a pain in the a$$ who needed more discipline. She was a real treat, I tell you.

So the referral for re-screening for the spectrum has been submitted and will be done sometime after January 2012. We also have a referral in to a psychiatrist who is well versed in the spectrum and we have our fingers crossed we can get in to see him soon. My husband will be leaving for Alaska for three months on May 11, so I am going to phone the psychiatrist's office and see if we can't get in before that due to our unique family circumstances. I don't know if I'll be successful, but it sure can't hurt to try.

Navigating the system can suck the life out you, can't it?

cutiecrystalmom

Oh it sure does! In my daughters screening, the doctor was initially convinced that my daughter didn't have any issues at all - then she read our reports and then she started the testing... she was shocked at what she found. She couldn't detect any of the most common outwards hints but once she started digging, they were all there. Her screening was over four hours. If her screening had only been two, we most likely would have had the same outcome you seem to have had.

Even if they have the wrong dx, it's enough to get an IEP in place. It will cover the OT your son needs. An IEP can always be changed and refined at any time.

There are good things to be said about a second opinion.

Hang tough mom!

thanks draelynn. some days I feel like I am hanging from a very thin rope, but then I get stronger and continue on. I'm going to do my best to make sure my kid doesn't fall through the cracks just because he doesn't fit into a neat tiny box they can check on some form.

if he was 16 i would say schizophrenia but he is still good. if this is just a random imaginary friend thing its ok.