never ending cycle

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My son near 13yrs old does not want to engage in any positive intervention or help. He tells me he is sick of going to see people who do nothing for him. He feels I force these things on him, I see it as persuasion or negotiations possibily the latter at most times.

I would be more than happy not to attend these appointments if my son was a happy recluse and he was contented. But this is not the case, whilst he can spend a lot of times on computer, games and other things, he is also hyper and wants to jump from one thing to another spontaneously and without warning. He will then complain that he is bored and that we never do fun things and his whole life is boring. When we are having a day out he will always want to know what we are going to do after the event, even before the event has started or ended. He is constantly on the go and complains about everything and goes on and on how bad things are for him. even when he seems to be enjoying something he will complain about it after the event.

Whilst mood has be very good no school, I feel once returning the stress will escalate if he doesnt accept intervention from professionals. I do not want to return to that nightmare, I know he is near a teenager and getting co-operation is difficult.

I have tried compromise, rewards etc whilst I do have success everything little, big, massive sitution is just a battle. He tells me he only does things for me, or attends appointments, he never seems to feel any of his achievements are for him.

Do you have any flexibility in the particular therapists/doctors he sees? From my experience, the personality of the care giver is really significant in how effective he or she can be with a particular individual. Is there any chance you could look for someone who he might have a better "fit" with? I know in many places for various reasons choices are limited but if possible, you might check out other therapists/doctors.

It sounds like he has a lot of anxiety about the outings that you go on. Does he play a part in planning or choosing the activites? Would it be possible to allow him to completely plan a day so he has control and knows what is coming next?

Also is he aware and able to verbalize when things are causing him sensory overload? DW_a_mom has mentioned that her son (I think about the same age?) has been attracted to activites that he professed to like a lot but that were in fact too much for him. I think our son, 5 yo, does this too. He seems to be having a good time at something then that evening or the next day he is obviously suffering from stress.

Hyper, jumping from thing to thing and never really finishing any one project are all classics signs of ADHD. Does he have that dx? If he does have ADHD meds do work fairly quickly.

There needs to be a line between him learning what he needs to know and letting him be the kid he is. It's ok if he'd rather spend time alone - that is a hallmark of AS. Are his self help skills progressing? Does he have any required learning interventions? Does he have any physical therapies that he needs to continue? Those are the things that need to continue.

there could be many reasons why he doesn't want to continue. It may be time to play detective and get to the root of it. Is he just bored with them becasue they are not longer appropriate? Is it the teacher? Is it the approach? some digging and some low pressure conversations with your son may get to the root of it.

His diagnosis is AS, ADHD and OCD. He does plan his activities he will take an interest in something and want to do it everyday (obsessively) until he gets bored, I try to do these things with him within reason, but he gets upset when I cant. Then he will move on to the next and we go through the same thing.

He does alot of sports and is very good at them, he insist on doing them I do feel this can cause him stress but also enjoyment. His stress levels never reach the point of how school effects him whilst he is doing sport. He can tell me if something has upset him at sports/school etc and we talk about it and if we cant reslove it I will speak with whom ever to try and reslove the problem usually it something minor, I do realise minor to me can be very big for him.

Getting him to the appointments is very hard, but once he goes he seems to engage he is also very good at masking his difficulties, so I am the only one that seems to understand what is going on for him. This is why its so difficult to get root of his anxieties.

He is taking meds for ADHD, strattera, stimulants dont work for him, the strattera really helps with the low/dark moods and some hyperactivity but not all the time especially late in the evenings. But he always seems to be looking for excitement not sure if that is the right word or else he is just bored, and then he wants to die. Since the school holidays we dont experience the statements of wanting to die, or killing himself, I now know he doesnt mean this but at times he cant express how he really feeling. I do have to take them very serious!

Apart from me and sometimes his family no one seems to pick up on his difficulties, school, local services etc, unless someone gets to know him really well. He has been to many professionals and we have got answers hence his dx's but this is mostly private, we are now waiting on local services to finish there assessment and hopefully offer support as we need them for support at his school. I live in Ireland so there is very limited private services, they want to give you their opinion but offer no after service, and move you on to the local service, who should provide what ever intervention is needed. This has been a huge battle it just makes everthing more stressful for the family.

I have learnt so much from this site and it has been very valueable, we do have alot of success and things are improving but its just so difficult as it is for everyone that has children with AS etc. Any tips and advice is much appreciated.

I also discovered that with my son whatever he thinks in his mind, what he visualises, whatever images he sees or thoughts that he goes through are factual. Whilst I understand we can all go through this to a point but we can distinguish one from the other he cant. When I talk it through with him he does understand, but different scenario same problem.

We're quite used to the hyperactivity once the ADHD meds wear off - usually just after dinner. We do try to scheudule a shut down hour or so before bed - warm to hot shower, quite activity, and we use melatonin to help get our daughter off to sleep.

It's not fair but our kids use up all of their attnetion and behavior modifcation energy 'out there' - at school, in public, on the rest of the world. We get the after effects of that at home when they can just relax their guard and just be themselves. By the time its family time they are already exhausted at keeping all their behaviors in check and making sure they are looking in your eye, and paying attention and following directions and and and...

After he gets home from school - he probably needs that time to himself to recharge. All the interventions and skills classes can teach our kids what is expected of them - and they can learn it as a skill - but it will never be natural. It will never be a comfortable part of who they are. It will always take a huge amount of their mental energy to 'act normal'.

If you can get another evaluation for him - ask them to evaluate him in home, in his element when he's more likely to 'be himself'. Let them know that he does put all his skills to use when talking to teachers and professionals and that he just falls apart once home. Anyone familiar with AS will recognise that (hopefully).

His anxiety may be social but there is a possiblity it is just a chemical imbalance. Just keep trying to engage in a low stress way. I find that talking about my feelings with my daughter (not in an in depth way) and asking her opinion on what she would do in that situation has helped her open up to us and bring her problems to us. I do not know what the male peer pressure is like in Ireland but I know, here in the US, it can be pretty fierce. We don't have kids shooting up their high schools for no reason. Maybe that show of trust in him and his opinion might open that door into his teen angst.

strattera is not like methylphenidate drugs its suppose to last 24hrs when the persons adjusts, but this is not the case for my son. I know methylphenidate drugs wear off but strattera is suppose not to. I dont know what medication your daughter is taking.

Thanks for your tips I will try to use them when I can, My son has been evaluate etc and this seems to be a problem now, he is becoming a teenager and has all the issues that go with that. I got his school report and I wasnt suprised for someone that did no study nor much for his first year at post primary he did very well. That's all the school care about,

He is very good at masking!

We have found with my son, he needs to succeed at therapy if he is going to participate. Making the tasks very, very small and easy - baby steps - is frustrating for us, but critical for him.

Another point that's important - kids on the spectrum, even hyperlexic ones, have extraordinary difficulty talking about feelings and sorting things out verbally. We found that traditional talk therapy was a nonstarter for my son. Many therapies for kids on the spectrum involve written words, pictures, videos, activities, etc - DS found these to be a lot easier. We also build in a reward to each therapy session (our facility has a small gym where he gets to play if he at least makes an effort.)

Really - who can blame them? Sitting in room talking about everything bad in their life and how it comes back to them? They need to see the upside somehow...it's tough.

I know how tough it is been there, My son has been going to a play therapist for over a year, and this has to help him with verbalize, express and sort out his feelings. Before he was unable to that. He wants to stop going now this is private, we tried to encourage him not to just stop but to go less and less. He wants to just stop we have agreed, problem will be when he returns to school.

There is a 2 year waiting list for the Autism Service, he is been seeing by the local C.A.M.H.S. back and forth to them with no real offer of treatment. This is what I think he is most angry with, I understand, he is fed up, upset, angry had enough because I feel exactly the same. But we have to accept whats available if I dont have the local services on board, the school or education services, will not offer any support.

Thats why I share my feelings on this site to try and get my own head around things, and then hopefully I can make change for my son that benefits him and us as a family.