WooHoo! She Responded!!

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Okay, to be honest, I have had this conversation several places, and I cannot remember what I have said where, so if I say something that you have no idea what I am talking about, I will clarify. I will try to do the nutshell version I sent off to this certain someone a couple days ago. I am going to edit out any names and locations for privacy reasons - especially since this involves my kids. I will italicize the edits. (Rereading this, I am aghast at the typos and grammar mistakes I made, but I was tired and it was very early in the morning when I wrote it - like around 1:30 or so)

Glad you are making progress!

But can I offer an observation?

I found it very difficult to identify the issue and remedy you were seeking in that letter. All the custody and court details are not really necessary, possibly not even appropriate, IMHO, and they make the letter confusing.

I think your letter would be more effective if it stated clearly, in one or two simple sentences, what the issue is, and also clearly, in one or two sentences, what you are seeking assistance with. And place those sentences in a way that they focus the discussion.

Okay, true. I was making assumptions that people would have read certain things I had posted in several places. Everything in that letter that I had written to her is actually related, but I can understand the confusion (and how they seem to be all over the place) if you have not read some of what I have said in the past. After this, maybe the letter to her will make sense. I had to explain what I had put in there because she had to know all this. The court was vital for her to know.

The letter was written to someone on the Ohio Board of Education. This someone is very well known. She is not the rep for my district, but I wrote her because I had CC'd her in a couple private emails to the principal of my daughters new school. I will not copy those emails, but I will say what they were about (since I did talk about them elsewhere on this site).

My daughter was attacked (punched) by another student last week at a school event. This was the first physical act that has happened at the school. There have been several verbal exchanges made by this same student, each escalating in intensity over the past several weeks. I have sent email after email to the principal informing her of the incident, and asking her to assure me of my daughter's safety. She has not done this. Since she has not done this, I have not sent my daughter to school. We have also filed a police report, filed charges and are in the process of getting a CPO. My daughter is scared.

In a very related incident, her band director has been harassing her (this has been going on since almost the first day (the beginning of August) and even though I asked for a meeting and have tried to settle things calmly and in person, nothing has worked. I am now going to have a meeting with him and several other individuals (including someone to advocate for my daughter from the ARC) on Wed. The reason this is related is because the kid that hit her is in band. His aggression against her is related to something that I will get into in a moment, and the actions of this band director directly influence these feelings (in my opinion). If they don't influence them, they certainly don't help them. For example, we showed up to the school "late" (long story which I will not get into), and when we arrived, the director, in view of the entire band, threw his keys and clipboard to the ground, threw his hands in the air and said: "It's always something. Isn't it?" Later that evening, she was punched for standing where she was standing or whatever his reason was for punching her.

Now, this is important because she is on an IEP. She has AS, Adjustment disorder with anxiety, ADHD and whatever the heck else. (visual) No one at the new school has EVER looked at her IEP until the middle of this past week (when the intervention specialist got it). They (the psychologist) has had it in their possession since a week before school began, and I have had a copy since before Band Camp and I TOLD the director I would make a copy for him and he REFUSED to look at it.

Now, to the other district. Her original district. She was denied open enrollment because "class size, budget reasons and staffing" but in reality, it was because she had an IEP. If she did not have an IEP, there was a better chance that she would have been accepted since their requirements to be accepted are stricter if you have an IEP. Also, even though I WILL be moving back into the district, they will not make an exception (this superintendent has made students move districts with two weeks left in school year if they move. This is not a rumor. I heard this directly from the assistant superintendent who is in charge of open enrollment of the new school system. It happened just last year). Since she is in the new district, when she moves back, she will not be able to march because she will not know the routines. The superintendent will not allow her to even sit on the side of the practice field and watch the band rehearse (when the general public is allowed to walk the grounds of the school during non-school hours, which is what this would be). He refuses everything band related with her. He is making this against her. Because of his decisions not to allow her to attend the school now (she will be attending later when I am able to move), she has been harassed, attacked, traumatized and frightened.

The reason the court case was mentioned is because since I am in the new city, her sisters are involved, If I gain custody, they will also be denied open enrollment (one already has. I received no response for the other one). They are also being hurt, and if they are forced to go to this new system as well, then move within just a couple weeks, I am going to end up with some messed up kids. I CANNOT move now because of the court case. I cannot move because of the child support issue. Until custody is decided, and I know how much I am receiving in support (and can tell a land lord what I can pay), I cannot move. THAT is why the court is in there.

If you look at my title, I am happy that I got a response to my letter. The rep told me that even though she does not represent my district, she is very disturbed by what she has read (remember, I have copied more than this to her). She told me she is forwarding it to someone who will help me (and she did. I have to wait to call them on Monday).

I STRONGLY suggest you read Wrightslaw's Letter to a Strange, and adopt the style they suggest for presenting your case. You want to tell your daughter's story in such a way that the person reading the email has the emotional reaction of "this kid is getting shafted" rather than "this parent is overly emotional (and/or pushy)". The way you have presented the custody battle is not working in your favor. I would suggest finding someone who can help you edit future emails to get just the right tone. Also, you may need these emails in the future for legal proceedings to get the school to comply with the law.

Here's a link to the Letter to a Stranger. Wrightslaw: Letter to a Stranger Their book, From Emotions to Advocacy, is more than worth the price.

Start by organizing an outline of what you want from each of the schools, the superintendent, and the state.

Something like this:

NewSchool:
* implementation of IEP (list specifically what is not occurring)
* plan to protect your daughter
* specific changes from band director
* if the schools are in different districts, you should have had an IEP meeting within 30 days of starting school

OldSchool:
* Permission to watch band practice

Superintendent/ Board of Education:
* Reconsider open enrollment request

Civil Rights board:
* Override open enrollment assignment
* Enforce IEP


Then make an outline of the history facts you need to present:
* diagnosis
* dates at OldSchool, IEP services provided
* transfer to NewSchool, IEP services/accomodations not provided
* details of band director's words and actions
* details of punching incident and school's lack of response
* details of your response -- seeking protection order, keeping home from school, etc.
* plan to move to OldSchool area at earliest opportunity

Write your next letter, get someone objective to make suggestions, rewrite, let it sit for a day or two, edit some more, then send.

Also, when moving up the chain, instead of just cc'ing the new person, address them directly and cc the principal and previous recipients.

Dear BigWig,
I am writing to request your assistance in securing the safety of my daughter Name in SchoolDistrict, as well as her right to a free and appropriate public education under IDEA. My daughter was physically attacked at NewSchool on Date. I have previously contacted PrincipalName to address this issue but no action has been taken [or the response was inadequate]. There are also outstanding issues with the implementation of her IEP.

History goes here

List of requests goes here.

Please let me know if there is further information that would be helpful. I can be reached at xxx. I look forward to talking with you soon.

Sincerely,
YourName

[quote="zette"The way you have presented the custody battle is not working in your favor. [/quote]
Actually zette, I received the exact response I wanted. She forwarded my email and I have been told to contact a particular individual on Monday. It also got the attention of the school principal and the school superintendent. The email I sent above was just a brief email explaining to the woman what was going on so she could piece the copies of other emails I had sent her and understand what was going on, which is my daughter is caught in a political mess, and no, I am not being emotional (believe me on that). You need to realize that what I quoted is what I emailed to the rep. What I wrote above (not quoted) is for the benefit of everyone here so that everyone is on the same page and knows what is going on.

And zette, please do not think I am not thankful for you taking your time for typing out your other message. I think it is wonderful that you took the time to do this. I do want to say that I have been doing this. I have not stated it though. I wrote this post because I am happy that something finally was going right. It seemed that I had been hitting roadblocks and something worked out right. As far as the IEP meeting, I should have had an IEP meeting within 14 days of requesting it. It did not happen. I officially requested it again. They have less than a week. All other things are being "handled as they happen." Meeting this week with many many people. Another thing about my daughter's case is that it is more complicated than it appears. It does not look it, but it is VERY complicated and just stating that certain procedures were not followed or that she was harassed or bullied does not come near to explain what has been going on.

Oldschool/Superintendent/Open enrollment/Civil rights Board - Stubborn people do stubborn things and the law takes its time.

Protection for my daughter. Being handled legally. If the school does not take action, the courts and the police will.

As for the letter, it was not a formal letter. It was a FYI letter. If I had meant it to be a formal letter I would have written it as a formal letter. That was not the purpose. It was to inform her why she was receiving the other copies I had already copied her and to ask her to copy the letters to the proper person. She is not even my rep, but she does hold weight, and I know that if she takes an interest in it, things will get done.

@DW_a_mom: Thank you. I know your concern as well. I understand what you are saying. I was tired when I wrote it, and I already sent it off, and I cannot change it. Actually, what I sent in the letter to her explained the previous letters that she was copied. The court explanations (like why I was waiting for child support and why I was in one city and not the other and why I was denied open enrollment and all that) was very important for her to hear. I only put the letter up here not because I wanted it critiqued (I did not. I should have been clear about that, and I am sorry about that.) but because I did not want to type everything out like I did above. I have had to write so much lately, and I was just trying to keep my typing to a minimum.

I am not looking for advice on what to do. I was just excited that the person I emailed the letter to responded to me and she said that she was concerned and she contacted people for me and they are going to try to do something. If they cannot, she said to contact her again.

I knew you weren't looking for advice, and I thought long about it before I posted. I just ... want you to succeed, and without having seen all the letters that were sent before this one, I put myself in the shoes of a recipient and found the letter to be really confusing and full of details that felt so off the point to me. The background I had remembered you posting here wouldn't be there for that recipient, so I couldn't factor it in.

I guess I saw the possibility of a scenario with you getting your hopes up from the referral, the next person down the line not getting to the point to the letter, nothing progressing further after that, and you wondering why . If there was any chance to prevent that by my offering how the letter read to my cold eye, it seemed like I had to offer.

So ...

I am glad to hear we've missed a big part of the picture and my concerns are misplaced.

It's just a message board. We never have all the information. Sometimes we guess right, sometimes we guess wrong. So it goes.

I had the same concerns as DW_a_Mom. I orignally intended to just recommend Letter To a Stranger, and got carried away. Btw I don't think you are pushy or overly emotional -- I was just trying to explain what the Wrightslaw letter is all about.

And who am I to argue with success! It obviously got the intended receipient and a couple of internet strangers to care about the situation! I'll join you in a loud "WooHoo!", and wish you continued success in your custody case and with the schools.

i also find it better to keep letters short and to the point without adding any extra details about personal things. i would avoid talking about custody issues and of other kids not in your custody even if you expect to get them back when it comes to letters dealing with professional people. that kind of stuff is on a need to know basis to me and if they need to know they will call you and ask questions. as for your daughter being assauted, i would not e-mail. i'd go down there. it's alot harder for the principle to say no or ignore you if you are face to face with them. i sat in my son's school principles office just last week and watched her delete several emails from the board and parents without so much as opening them just based on their titles.

Thanks Zette

missykrissy: actually, emails can be deleted on one end, but not the other. In the court case I am in now, we are using emails as evidence right now. It is a paper trail. If I go down to the school, I can say all I want. She can deny I was even there and there would be no way I could prove that I was. She could tell the staff to say no and threaten them wit their jobs. All I have to do wit the email is either BCC a copy to my atty or just forward her the emails. Either way, both emails are on it, and it leaves a verifiable trail (which can be faked if you know what you are doing, but again can be verified if you spend the money and have them subpoenaed and have the ISP verify the emails.) Same thing with cell records (at least what calls were made).

As for mentioning the custody, I had to do that. It explains why I was trying to get open enrollment in the first place (needing a larger unit than what I have right now). Everything I mentioned, although may seem unnecessary was not. It answered questions that have been asked by both school districts and by the police. I was answering all questions that I had been asked so that she had the full story (plus, only getting copies of some of the emails, she only had part of the story, and that was the band director, and the assault. She needed to know about the denial of the open enrollment as well and what was associated with it.)