My son...

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Hi, I'm new on here and a bit lost so i'm sorry if this is in the wrong place. I'm a mum to 3 children aged 6,3 and 1. My son of 6 has always been extremely 'bright' he spoke from an extremely early ages, he was literally able to tell you all about his favorite thing (maps) for hours on end by the age of 18 months. At the time he was our only child, and i didn't really realize that maybe he was a bit different to other children his age. He had this strange habit where he completely and utterly refused to talk to people he did not know. He would not say hello to them and would look away as if no one had spoken at all. He always told us that he would speak to other people when he was a big boy, when he was 3! Sure enough on his 3rd birthday as if by magic he started talking to other people, not long conversations but would say hello and answer his name if asked. He started nursery school and i was told what a bright child i had and how great his speech was. But he played on his own, he would talk to other children but he would tell them to their face that he knew they were wrong and he was right (which was usually the case but obviously the other children didn't like this) he didn't really make any friends. At age 4 he started proper school, He often played alone as the pother children didn't want to do what he wanted so we would rather play alone. He liked to pretty much play the same thing day after day after day, and other children got bored of this. He was good as gold at school every teacher told me this, but i knew buy then that something was a bit different about him. He would come home out of school quiet, didn't want to speak about this day but would then throw very bad tantrums at home. Over the last 2 years he's got worse. The teachers are constantly telling him to hurry up with his work as he is too slow, he hurry's but then they tell him his work is far too messy. His handwriting is very big and not neat compared to other children. The other children have now started to laugh at him about this and the teacher still keeps telling him he needs to try harder. I've managed to get him to open up to me more than he used to rather than getting frustrated, so he does tell me some of the things that happen at school, but he is also extremely sensitive. Quite often now he has told me that a child is picking on him, when i have gone to the school about it i am assured they were just trying to play with him. I think his teachers think i am over reacting, but he literally comes home in tears because of some of these things. He has one friend now, but if she plays with someone else he does not want to join because in his words 'i don't like the other children'. He has no reason not to like them, he says he just doesn't. It's got to the point where the other children see it as funny to make fun of him, because he is quite rude to them. He doesn't mean to be rude to them and he doesn't really understand that he is rude to them, it's just his way. If a child asks him to play he quite often says no i don't because i do not like you. I know that sounds quite bad but he really isn't doing it out of spite, he says he does not want to lie! He does play with his smaller brother, although it always has to be his way and usually it's the same game for weeks on end over and over and his brother gets fed up with it and doesn't want to play that game again which results in my eldest son laying on the floor refusing to do anything at all.
If he is doing something and we ask him to do something else, he literally screams 'ARGHHHHHHHHH' and lays on the floor and screams. It takes him hours to do a small piece of homework, because he keeps saying he can't concentrate. He hears the slightest noise and then wants to find out what it is. He has always been a fussy eater, but he says it's because things are too crunchy or too slimy, as he has got older we have realized it's not the taste he does not like it's just the texture. He loves calculators and maps, and busses, he memorizes bus numbers and where the bus is coming from and travelling too, he knows hundreds of them! As he gets older though i see that his brother is starting to do things, and he satill cannot do them. He struggles to eat with a fork, spills a lot of food on the floor, he can't hop on one leg, cannot ride his bike, can't do a roly poly, although his brother who is 3 can. He is not good at playing with a ball, he misses when he tries to kick it, and he can't catch it if someone throws it to him. He is not fast at running and again everyone at school laughs at him about this, or don't want him to play their games because they think he is too slow. Everytime i speak to his teachers they say they will talk to the other children - but it doesn't make any difference because whatever child they speak to, another soon starts, because of the way my son speaks to them etc. He is generally not very naughty, although he does throw tantrums as he gets very very frustrated over small things. However if i change his routine slightly - say i tell him that today he has to get dressed before brushing his teeth, instead of the other way around as usual - he freaks out! refuses to do anything and lays there on the floor literally sobbing because of it. In school holidays where things are not the same as most other days his behavior is usually horrendous. He is a lovely little boy, and he is very bright and clever, and i wouldn't change him for the world. But it does break my heart to hear him tell me that he never gets invited to any birthday parties because no one likes him, to hear him tell me that he played on his own because no one wants to play with him.
So i took him to the doctor and told them the problems, as the teachers at school say there is no problem because to them he is just the quiet boy who does not cause any problems. So he has now been referred to a specialist, but i don't know what to think. I type all his 'symptoms' into google last night and all the linsk that came up were about asperger's, as i read them it was like reading a book about my son! But i don't know if this is just normal child things and i am over reacting as everyone else always says he is such a nice quiet well behaved child, but they don't see what i see at home all the time.

Keep searching momma, I had the same issues with my bright, highly intelligent son. NO ONE saw what our daily life was like, and at pre school he was just quiet. He didnt casue trouble or get picked on by kids casue he just shut down there, and laid low. he would then come home and explode...it was insane. It took me many professionals to finally hit on some who LISTENED to what I was telling them not just looking at my son who could behave well in a small office and answer questions with the insight of kids many years older then him.

It sure sounds like Aspergers to me. A LOT of what you wrote sounds like my son, who is also 6. My son isnt mean, he just says it as it is. These kids have no filter, and just say what is on their minds. Other kids find them odd, rude and target them, even at this young age.

I would write down all your concerns, the issues at school, with peers, meltdowns over schoolwork, etc...and find a developmental pediatrician to look at your son, or a center that tests specifically for ASD.

You are at the right place, and it sounds like you are on the right path with your son. I also have a 3yo, and it is amazing to me what she gets and he doesnt, what she can do physically that he cant. My son makes more of a mess with feeding utensils then my 3yo, my son cant catch a ball but my 3yo can, your son might need OT for fine motor and PT for gross motor.

good luck let us know how it goes!

He sounds a lot like my son in many ways. I do not know where you are located, country-wise, but if you are in the U.S, I would tell the school you want him evaluated, as you suspect autism. (Asperger's is part of the autism spectrum) Even if they think he is fine, you have the right to ask for an evaluation. Schools are broke right now, and sometimes won't do much if it is not impacting them and there are no behavioral issues.

Based on your use of the word "mum," I am guessing you are probably not in the U.S. If you post a country, there will probably be posters here who can help you navigate your particular country's labyrinth of rules.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 21 Jun 2012, 8:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi purplepanda

Welcome to WP.

Firstly I'd like to say that none of the members here are experts. We have kids with ASDs or who are being assessed and some are like you, not really sure and looking for advice. But, we have a lot of experience and recognise descriptions of ASD signs and hopefully we will be of some help to you.

My impression of your son, from what you've said, is that he sounds an awful lot like my friend's son. Like my daughter, he is probably on the spectrum, but unlike her, he also has dyspraxia (often associated with ASDs). His hand-writing is not at all neat and his movements are slow and awkward. He has been prioritised by the NHS and attends physio/gym sessions. This is helping a lot and I've noticed a difference in the way he walks. Prior to being recognised as having this, he used to get told off constantly, by his teachers, for being too slow. He could not help it and this was not good for his self esteem. For this reason, I would urge you to push this (I see he has been referred to a specialist, which is good). Please read up on dyspraxia, because from what you've said, this does sound like a possibility.

From your description of your son's social skills, it does sound like he may be on the spectrum, but maybe he is shy. I'm leaning towards ASD.

As MMJMOM says, write it all down, bullet point format is good.

Let us know how you get on. Good luck x

His sensory issues, difficulties with socializing, strict adherance to routine, and trouble with motor planning, high intelligence but with difficulty applying it in certain situations, all scream Asperger's.

I think you have found the right place. Welcome to WP. It sounds like many of the things you are experiencing fit right in with many of the children of the parents here. Hope we can help and offer some support.



Many children with AS have a favorite topic/subject which they like to learn all about, and often can spend endless hours sharing that information.



It sounds like he knows what he wants It is often that children on the autism spectrum have comunication problems. However, as another poster said, this could be just shyness or social anxiety. The logical way he approached the difficulty and the matter of fact way he overcame it sounds more like AS though.



Vocabulary and grammar is just one small part of communication. Kids with AS often excell at this part of language, and also may have hyperlexia (the ability to read early). Other communcation skills that may lag behind their peers in children with AS often lead to social problems:
1) Theory of mind
2) pragmatic language (sarcasm, joking, being overly literal)
3) poor receptive language skills (vs. their expressive language skills)
4) nonverbal communication problems (eye-gaze, facial expressions, gestures)
5) Joint imaginative play



Many children on the autism spectrum isolate themselves from others and prefer to play alone, but this is not always the case. Some children want to be social, but struggle with the subtle nuances of social interaction.



This is one of the defining features of autism spectrum. It falls under the category of sterotyped, repetitive behaviors.



Many parents of children with AS find this to be the case (not all). It seems as if the children use up all their coping resources at school and have nothing left for home. Also, they are loved and accepted for who they are at home and don't have to put up all the defenses and can let it all out. Many children with AS need a time alone after school to do what they want to do/reenergize and recoop.



Many children with AS have underlying learning problems that can take various forms and have nothing to do with how smart they are.
1) learning disability in reading or math or writing
2) dysgraphia - problems physically writing
3) fine motor skills
4) gross motor skills
5) slow processing speed
6) Irlen syndrome
7) bilateral coordination (the left and right sides don't work together)

These are not oppositional behaviors. They are not laziness. They are not stubborness. No amount of punishment or telling them to hurry up will fix it.



Unfortunately, there are two problems here. YES it is absolutely true that children with social difficulties stand out to the other children and become the victims of bullying. At the same time, many children with AS may misinterpret social cues and play. This makes your job all the more difficult. Trying to tease out what is bullying and what is misunderstanding takes persistance and sleuthing, but is well worth it.




Another communication issue has to do with precise, logical, and pedantic speech. A side of this is that if it is true ... then it's true, and some people with AS can be very blunt.



Again, this is that repetitive behaviors, and can be a result of or a way to cope with anxiety... but not always. The laying on the floor and refusing to do anything... might be a meltdown, where he just becomes overwhelmed and does not have the coping skills/understanding/knowledge to handle the situation.



This is tough.



Many children with AS also have Sensory Integration Disorder in which they may be hypersensitive (sensory avoiding), hyposensitive (sensory seeking), or have problems with motor skills and proprioception. This is related to high sensitivity, low sensitivity to sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, inner balance or internal senses.



What wonderful special interests



part of autism spectrum is that it is a Pervasive Developmental Delay... that means there are areas in which his development could be significantly delayed.



It is always hard at this age. The differences are so easily explained away by others and the gap with the other children to many who are on the outside just doesn't seem to be that much. As he gets older, some people will begin to finally see it. Until then, it is often an unrelenting argument for services and rights for your child. It really helps to have the experts on your side.



me too. My son is very lonely at 11, he really notices the differences and it breaks my heart.



I am glad to hear you have been referred to a specialist. I hope they are the right one to know about AS and to help you find the right help for you and your boy.

I too have thought I am overreacting, and I still doubt all the time, but I know that what we are doing to help my son is working and he is much happier and less anxious.