Parent of newly diagnosed teen - overwhelmed

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Hi. Glad to have found a community.

Our 13-year-old daughter received a diagnosis about 6 weeks ago of high-functioning autistic spectrum disorder, earning a 30.5 on the CARS-2 scale. Virtually all of her scores over 1 were in the areas of conversation/peer relationships and emotional control. As we began reading about autism, my husband and I have repeatedly found that descriptions of scenarios sounded EXACTLY like our daughter.

On some levels, it is a relief to learn that some of it is the way the neural pathways operate, and not necessarily that (a) we're failures as parents and (b) she's incorrigibly bad-mannered and rude.

She misses nonverbal cues; can not tell when someone is joking (and in our family, most of us are frequently joking); tends to communicate by finding someone -- anyone -- to function as a listener and talking their ear off about anime, or astronomy; or jellyfish; or breeds of cats; or .... last week on a church mission trip she literally stopped a lady at the outdoor rinse-off station at the beach parking lot and started pouring out information on something (wish I could remember what).

And then there are the meltdowns. If she feels agitated or pressured, she immediately and invariably goes for the nuclear option. There's no shushing her, there's no removing her to a private place so that the flak doesn't get all over everyone, there's no talking her down off the ledge. For her, it's over in five minutes and she's fine. The rest of us spend hours picking up the shrapnel.

That's all, really. Just glad to know that we are not alone.

Welcome to WP. If you hang out here, you will read many stories similar to your own so know that you definitely are NOT alone. The good news is that now that you have been given the keys with her diagnosis you can unlock a trove of information about how to help you all cope better so that you don't feel like you are among the walking wounded all the time. You all can learn things like what types of situations are likely to trigger her meltdowns and how to avoid those things, how to help her identify her emotional state and regulate it better, how to channel special interests into less intrusive avenues, and how to improve social interactions. It is definitely a team sport though, everyone closely involved with your DD, teachers, caregivers and family members all need to get involved.
Good luck!

And you'll get to hear from older Aspies all across the spectrum. While your daughter may not be fully able to articulate what it's like being this way, many of us have learned & want to help you understand how it is. It really is two different worlds. And we can meet & enjoy the differences.

I've just recently learned that my friends appreciate my logical, basically sane outlook because they grew up in insane families or are in them now. I offer a fresh perspective that helps them see things in a new light.

So... welcome.