Aspie with NT son...

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I hate to post this because it makes me feel like a horrible mother to even think this, but maybe someone else out there has been there and can help me. I have an absolutely wonderful 7 year old NT son, who is sweet and smart and funny and all in all a great child. I love him more than life its self. But sometimes he absolutely drives me insane. And it's not outrageous stuff, it's typical 7 year old behavior. He talks all the time. Literally, all the time. Which is okay when I'm having an ok day. But if I'm having a rough time, the constant talking makes me want to pull out my hair. And chasing our little dachshund around the house, the kid squealing and the dog barking. And getting right in beside me and talking (shouting) at the dog in this high-pitched baby-talk voice that kills my head. And he is a huge Star Wars fan (as am I) and he goes around making R2-D2 noises all the time. As an aspie, its all I can do to handle high-pitched sounds for a short time, let alone a whole 2 hour road trip. I can tell him not to and that lasts maybe 5 minutes. I feel bad about punishing him for what is normal childhood behavior (that he wouldn't have to avoid if he had an NT mom) but then when I tell him to stop, I have the issue that he is now disobeying and I have to do something. I can ignore it for a short time, but by then I am stimming and non-verbal and then my husband gets all worried and upset and I have it coming from both directions and I just want to scream.

I don't know what to do. I love my son so much, I just need to know a way to deal with this better. I guess some people just aren't meant to have children.

As it sounds, the most part that enrages you is the sound part. Do you have the possibility to wear earplugs from time to time? If you are afraid, that you could miss, if your son hurts himself or needs help: I use some earplugs that reduce the sound around 45dB (It depends on the sound high.) and I love them. All that tiny noises making you mad are pushed out (PC, lamps, TV static and so on...) while you still can hear the "real" noises and people. Just in an moderate volume.

That's an excellent idea! thanks!

I have a high-decibel kid as well... I'm going to try this. I don't like shushing him for just being himself, but often times he catches me off guard and I find myself doing just that.

Hi,
I just wanted to chime in and share that even my 7-year-old daughter who is not an aspie is a real chatterbox as well. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself and say you're not cut out to have children though. This is extremely common with youngsters . You also should try to find some sort of way to just connect with him. Usually when children are excessively talking and making noises, it's all in an attempt to get your attention and to just be loved and connect with you. Last year I started to get really annoyed when every time I got a phone call my daughter would immediately start asking me a million questions and make crazy noises and climb all over me in order to get my attention. I'm a single father and I asked my mom about it and she told me I was the same way as a kid. That's what led me to realize that really she just wanted my attention. If you try to become more child-like, you will be able to connect better with him and hopefully experience what I have, which is that you can both have a better connection and way of understanding each other. I hope this makes sense. My main point is that you are going to need to come down to his level a little bit and hopefully he will meet you at a place where you can both be happy and live together in peace.
Good luck!!

Wow... I had never thought about that. Thanks for the insight. Maybe I should rent that penguin movie he like so much tonight...

Don't feel bad about it. I'm an NT parent and that would drive me nuts too.

I don't think there is anything wrong with starting to teach him that sometimes you need down time. There are days when I am fried from work and I just can't handle as much. My kids understand and do their best to step it down a few notches. It's possible it is easier for them to understand the need for down time than an for an NT kid because their wiring also demands it on occasion. I don't know about that. And at 7 you really can't expect too much, I don't think. But my 11 year old son is very good at finding ways to occupy himself (and his little sister) when Mom is overstimulated.

BTW, I have known many NT parents who have little tolerance for noise and the types of behavior you are describing, so I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. At least you have a neurologically-based reason why you have a hard time with it.

I think it's more a matter of being introverted, not AS. We are a family of four introverts, all needing downtime. It's hardest for my AS ds to recognize when I need time alone. We are always working on this.