Question about AS children.

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Hi. My 5 yr. old nephew is gifted not AS. I'm on the spectrum though but wanted to get views from other AS parents. One behavior that alarms me is he without emotion will say "I hate you" he did this to some boys he was playing at the local park. We told him that's inappropriate to say and he said ok and it was dismissed. The other day he took a trip to the local High School (in walking distance) where his grandma works (my mom) so as the teacher said all the kids were excited, but she gave my nephew a bad report for running around the auditorium and saying mean things to the high schoolers for instance they were making bracelets and he says "That's stupid." UH! These are high schoolers! 9-12th grade 15+ yr. olds being told what they are making is stupid by a kid that is 5!! !! It saddens me. The teacher is going to watch his behavior over the next few weeks because if his current behavior is any indication he can't go on bigger field trips (Disney/Sea World on a bus etc.).

Is this normal to not understand that what you say could hurt others? Sure I have Aperger's but I don't remember doing this stuff at 5!! ! Personally I got tricked into calling a teacher the word b***h (without knowing the meaning) and personally was sort of violent and acted out. But I don't remember any behavior like his!! !!

Thanks.

By the way the b***h thing and acting out was later in Elementary for me NOT age 5 or Kindergarden like my nephew with saying the odd things he says. Just wanted to clarify any confusion.

I don't know if I have enough to go on. I think your nephew is probably at least somewhat socially oblivious for trying to start something with high schoolers and kids at the park, but I do not know what that means. Have you tried getting him to tell you what his motivation was? Does he have any other indicators that something is different about him? How does he behave at home? Does he have meltdowns, rigidity issues, motor skill issues, stims, etc.?

Why do you say your nephew is 'not AS'? How are you certain of that? Has he been assessed? He's only 5, so chances of him being diagnosed are not very high, but from what you've said, it does seem like he's exhibiting some concerning behaviour. Does he do anything else that is causing concern?

I don't know - at 5 years old, NT kids experiment with language a lot. If he heard someone say "I hate you" in that way, or "that's stupid," he might well be copying it. A 5 year old would have no way of understanding what the work of high school students means, and wouldn't necessarily assume it was valid just because of their age. I could see where calling something he doesn't understand "stupid" could be normal for that age. Kindergarten-aged children are just starting to understand the effect their words have on others, so he may be within the curve of that understanding. (See the book Words Are Not for Hurting, it's made just for this age group - so clearly it's a common problem http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s42kpD7Fzeo )

That being said - it doesn't exclude the possibility of AS. However, I am guessing if everyone in your family knows you have AS and this boy is related to you, they probably are keeping an eye out for it. You might ask your parents about your concerns.

Good to see you posting again, Zeldapsychology! It's been a while!

I'm with momsparky - could be either NT or AS, but it should be addressed gently and firmly as soon as possible. I know that's not your job but I hope you can support that in some way.

You can be gifted AND have autism. My son is. It is called 2e (twice exceptional.)

I don't think it is uncommon for gifted kids (and adults) to also be quirky, even if they don't have both feet firmly planted on the spectrum. Time will tell. He is lucky to have you watching out for him, IMHO.