Coping with meltdowns from neighbouring child

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I am the downstairs neighbor of a family who's autistic son has recently started having meltdowns. I am extremely sympathetic to the daily struggle that they are going through.
The parents seem to be at their wits end. I feel so badly for them. They are seeking professional help but I know that's a long process.

I am not here to condemn them for the noise and the disturbances. I am seeking advice on how to cope.

I feel like I am developing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the constant screaming and pounding.
I am trying to be very patient with them. I took it upon myself to close my windows, wear earplugs, and trying to drown out the bloodcurdling scream's and stomping. But nothing seems to help.
Obviously they are doing the best they can right now. And I feel for them.

How does one cope? I cannot afford to move. I know this is a sensitive subject and I'm really trying to be supportive of the family. But I work from home and cannot leave to get away from it. So I'm feeling trapped in their family dynamic and struggle.

I would appreciate any words of wisdom from any parents out there on how to de-stress or cope emotionally with the energy level and constant barrage of noise and disturbances.

I'm not here to condemn my neighbors. I'm truly sympathetic and seeking advice on coping as an outsider.

This sounds very frustrating.

Do you know the decibels rating of your earplugs? The earplugs designed for sleep aren't very strong - indeed, they're generally inappropriate in conditions where noise damage is an issue. As a result, much stronger earplugs are on the market.

I would buy either industry strength earplugs, noise cancelling headphones or ear defenders.

On their end it might be better if they had carpet or foam, but I'm not sure that would be practical on your ceiling!

Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

Long term, your options are
1) move
2) try to force the neighbors to move

Trying to force the neighbors out would be a really nasty thing to do, so that really only leaves you one option. Save up and move out.

Have you tried putting on your favorite song loud enough to drown him out?

So, I realize this was posted last month, but I wanted to share an experience with you...

Last year me and my partner lived in an apartment building with our Autistic son. Initially, there was no issue(Even when the main office was next door- it was moved later on). We had been living in that apartment complex for a couple of years, until someone moved in next door, where the office had originally been.

She was very nice, but in the end it turned out that she had been reporting us for noise a lot. I did everything within my power to keep it to a minimum, which meant planting him in front of a computer all day every day to watch movies and videos of his choosing... Obviously this wasn't ideal, and in the meantime we started to search for a new place of living since we had already gotten two complaints within a short span of time. By the third, we'd be evicted. We looked into the legality of all of this but could not find anyone to support us.

In any case, it was a long winded search to find someplace to live. We ruled out apartments because... well, what had currently been going on at the time, and this naturally also ruled out duplexes for similar reasons. We would have actually ended up on the streets if not for my partner landing a better paying job, and this lined up perfectly(miraculously), by the time we finally got our eviction notice from the third complaint.

Sadly, we still had not been able to find a suitable place to live, and we searched HARD for MONTHS. Ended up in a duplex and really, the story isn't even a happy one from here. My kid basically still sits in front of a computer all day every day because I'm absolutely petrified of getting evicted again. There's nothing else I can do about the noise, and I feel terrible because of it. I'm always overwhelmed and stressed, and as a result pretty angry. Our new neighbors also despise us, so I imagine it's only a matter of time and despite keeping things within the appropriate hours of the noise ordinances(Even at the apartment), I worry every single day about that knock on the door(Which literally happened among other things...) from police or being handed another eviction notice.

You have to do what is right for you... and I know you expressed feeling bad for the family... but thought I'd shed some light from the other end, too.

Wouldn't have even ended up in that situation if not needing a place after a tornado had wiped the floor with our house prior. So, tons of resentment all around, really.


It truly sucks for everyone. I wish we could afford someplace that isn't attached right next to other people, but alas. The task is not only time consuming, but money depleting.

Last edited by Foxtail on 20 Apr 2016, 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My sympathies go out to all parents of autistic kids but it's also hard with NT kids too because they also make noise and run around especially if they have ADHD. My NT? son is hyper and gets over active so I am so glad we live in a house now because I cannot imagine what complaints we could be getting because he could be running, having tantrums, making shrieking noises when he is playing, and then hearing me shout because of my own anxiety and getting anxious from his hyperactivity and chaos and noise he is making. There wouldn't have been a place for him to play outside and the whole apartment would have been too small for him. He might have have worse behavior issues in that apartment but here he has his own personal space and a yard to run in and play and his room is big too instead of tiny. Only people who have to suffer is us.

But then again using screen time for your autistic children also isn't good (it's not good for any child) but yet you are doing it to keep them quiet so it's a struggle and a double edge sword and a catch 22. I wish they could make special places for parents of special kids who can't keep quiet. It could be for people of kids with autism, ADHD, intellectual impairments or any similar conditions that would cause noisy behavior the parent cannot control. The homes would be apart also or if they make them together like units, they could make the walls extra sound proof in between homes. Parents would have to apply to live there through the state and they would need a record of having complaints or evictions to warrant they need a place like that to live or a record from their doctors about their child being loud and not being able to control the noise so the parent could move straight to that community without needing to be evicted first or getting complaints to meet the requirements. If I had the power, I would try to start this project to help these families.

Foxtail, you really should talk to a lawyer that specializes in renters' rights or disability rights. I feel like there must be laws that protect disabled people from being evicted due to their disability. I would certainly hope so, anyway.

This would be an amazing thing and I wish it existed, too.

This is what we thought too. Talked to a lot of people. 'No leg to stand on', they said(This being about the apartment who issued the eviction notice, also there was never any noise ordinance that pertained to people anyway, but what can ya' do? ha. She managed to get another family with a child evicted too.), BUT, after months of getting the runaround with zero results, it sort of just became one of those 'it is what it is' things, frustrating as it was to let it go, especially considering just... so many things. Don't want to high-jack this thread though.

Thanks, in any case.

Invest in a good quality set of headphones through which you can play music you enjoy or white noise. I'm not talking state-of-the-art, recording-quality headphones (the kind that cost upwards of $100). I'm talking about two steps up from the sh***y ones you can buy at the Dollar Store for $5.

They cost between $25 and $50, and have been priceless for allowing my auditory-sensitive teenager to plug into YouTube and tune out her hyperactive young siblings (one with ADHD and volume control issues, one who may or may not have ADHD but enjoys antagonizing people and has volume control issues, and one who's hyperactive and loud by virtue of being 3 and having the other two for role models). They have done wonders to improve the domestic harmony.

Alternatively, get a set of noise-cancelling headphones AND something to use for white noise. I recommend a large, old, powerful box fan placed close to you but pointed away from you. "Noise cancelling headphones" don't have to be the $250 ones marketed as such. Ones available in the sporting goods section for protecting shooters' ears at the gun range or in home improvement stores for protecting the hearing of people who work with power tools all day every day would be perfectly adequate.

Earplugs are a joke. They don't even muffle sound. They're just irritating.

And thank you for your compassion, from the point of view of a mother who spent a summer living in an apartment with severe depression, a debilitating reaction to medication, and two hyperactive toddlers. That summer was absolutely hell. My kids spent a lot of time being admonished to "sit down, shut up, and watch TV" on the numerous days when I was not well enough or functional enough to take them to the playground. They got addicted to TV; they were also poorly nourished from being placated with junk food and terribly spoiled from a few months of being given anything and everything they wanted within the bounds of my very limited ability to keep them still and quiet.e


To those struggling to find a place to live that doesn't involve shared walls/floors: I know they're cheaply built, flimsy, and terrifying in the event of fires or tornadoes. But I really, really have to sing the praises of mobile homes. I've lived in them for about half my life (I live in a doublewide trailer right now, and find it delightful most of the time, not least of all because the headaches of minutely reduced dimensions, 2x3 interior walls, and particleboard floors do not in any way outweigh the absolutely joyful security of owning the roof over our heads free and clear) and find them entirely satisfactory and vastly preferable to apartment living.

If you are truly strapped, you can buy a battered old trailer for less than a down payment and less than a year's rent (or anyway you could in 2003). My first trailer was a piece of crap it's true, but it housed me adequately in exchange for biannual roof painting, some minor plumbing work, and the replacement of the bathroom and hallways floors for 7 years and cost $4000. It's not luxe living, but at least it's private. You don't even have to be handy. The hardest part of painting a roof is hauling a 5-gallon bucket of fibered aluminum roof paint up a ladder. The hardest part of replacing a floor is finding the time and getting the dimensions true. There's really nothing that's terribly difficult, unless it's something that is so specialized, time-consuming, or dangerous if you mess up that anyone but a trained professional would have to contact a trained professional anyway

Trailer park dwellers tend to be quirky people who are also struggling, and I have found are often more inclined to be tolerant and kind (especially if you go for a slightly shabbier park-- not 8 Mile scary, just a little gritty and without cosmetic improvements and amenities). If you're in the kind of park where you own the trailer, it is much harder to evict you. You have to do something really f****d up. I once ran three months late with rent, failed to mow the yard due to advanced pregnancy, and then left a washing machine in the yard for six months; all I got was a polite letter from the landlady asking me to pay up, mow, and get the appliance out of there.

I really, really love trailers. I love trailers a lot. Trailer living makes me feel happy inside.