Problems at home

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Hello guys, im passing a very dificult situation right now. I have autism(more almost aspergher, but not that smart), i have dificult to conect with other people, understand some behavior feelings, and im dumb. Im really dumb. And sensible. to words, noises and many stuffs. and old times probably someone would call me a coward for not trying, but having this symptons make its even harder trying to do things. so i choose reclusion. and im fine this way. but in some years ago, slowly in my head i have some things i want to try but i have something besides my bad memory and concentration make me bad. My mother hate me. some relatives noticed(they telled) that she never fully acepted the way i am. now im almost 30 years and she still saying that i have to change, and that hurts. i am what i am. but since the dead of grandmother she was acting like she was a president, or something, wanting to fully control people lifes, controling bills, phones calls, want to know where everybody in the house was and what was doing, talking like she knows whats on people mind before the people even saying. even i being sick, i realise that behavior is not apropriate and healthy. she knows all my flaws and what make me uncorfortable or make me suffer, so sometimes when she trying to control me without having an actual conversation to me or ignoring my feelings she starts to discuss and then theres a problem that make me want to suicide. when she talk too much and i became to feel heartburn and trying to reply(she never gives a chance), shes making noises on purpose that make me suffer in a way i cant describe how bad it was. I am extremely sensitive to whistles and noises like shhhh. she sayed that when my father dies, im better pray because she would make me suffer a lot(like if suffer would make me be a tough and better person, in her head). During these psychotic attacks of her while she beat me I instinctively give a weak punch on her, and she overacted, and almost denounced me to the police. What i understand is that shes hates me so much, that her from time to time do that noises in some insignificant discussions that make me agressive(but 99% is only with curses and trying to express myself) and... and... i think that her trying to create a situation to put me on a madhouse or being on jail. guys, i dont understand at all what i did wrong She sayed today that would be better have a dog than me cause a dog would guard the house. and even turds can be useful making the earth fertile. that hurt me so much hear all that crudel stuff. theres no single day i dont think in suicide. WHY CANT I BE ACEPTED BY the WAY I AM?!

Sometimes when i be far from her for some weeks or months, i start to slowly think about a future or maybe a job, and then she comes says that things and make that noises, and bullying, it just vanishes. all my hopes, dreams, will to reintegrate society. i just cannot evolve with such burden, and repetitive bullying. its so anoying the argument: you are almost 30s, get a life. Seriously? just because im older that magicaly make me capable of get a good job, or have a normal life? how about paying me threatment or things to make me less sensible and to teach me how to deal better with people? her answer: HAHAHAHA, go find a job and pay this for youself, i will use my money to travel, and buy things, and i will not spend one since penny with you...

i want so much another family, live in some place that i can actually evolve. im sick of this. its not possible, that theres not a single way to get me ride of her claws. Is there a institution to protect people who have mental problems against psychological and physical abuse and that forces her to pay threatment or even make her away for me, with justice order or something? and please, dont give me the advice of go out, find a job. i cant do this. im not prepared for this. maybe after some time of therapy i could do this but i cant now, after years of bullying, my soul just feels empthy. it just so dificult being so overly sensible.

anyone here on the same situation?

If she is hitting you, you could probably call the police on her, but because you are an adult, they won't put you in foster care. They would (maybe) just put her in jail.

They also probably cannot make her pay to support you on your own.

Your best bet is probably finding a local ARC or other non-profit organization to help you navigate getting government assistance and perhaps placement in a group home, or something like that. ARC is for mental challenges not specifically having to do with autism, but even if they cannot help you, they may know of an appropriate local group.

Edited to add: I did not notice you live in South America, until after I answered you. I do not know specifically what resources they have where you live. Hopefully you have some non -profit organizations and/or a government agency designed to deal with helping you relocate to a group home, or some other option.

Wow, I'm so sorry this is going on for you at home, but posting this is your first step to getting away from this abusive situation. I will give you some useful advice.:

1.) Print out your post or write it out on a piece of paper (if you can).

2.) Do not tell anyone you about this paper, keep it in your pocket. It is a collection of your thoughts that someone else can use to clearly understand what you're going thru if/when you can't communicate.

3.) Once you have this paper in your pocket, call 911 or find the nearest police officer and report/explain that you're a person with ASD/AS/disability and your being abused by you parent(s) and are in need of assistance/protection/living resources.

4.) When the police show up (and they will respond) give them this paper and let them read it, then ask them for help. The police/other services will take over from there.

I just want to make it clear, from what you described, you're in an abusive environment, with your mom being the abuser (direct) and your father also being an abuser (indirect) - he's enabling/allowing your mother to hurt you. You need to do the above/leave immediately because you're thinking about suicide to escape this abuse. And, once you do this, there is a possibility that you can never go back home.

And lastly, if your AS/ASD/disability is causing you to perceive the situation incorrectly, meaning that a little/some/or all of it isn't what is actually happening, then to do the above is still 100% completely the right thing to do. The authorities will get involved, they'll review the situation for all three of you get help/understanding.

For the record, my 4 year old son is a little boy who appears to be severely affected by ASD and most likely always will be. I love him so much no matter what. If at 30 years old, because of his condition he misinterpreted any/all of his perceived situation, and he did the above I wouldn't be upset at him at all. I would happily explain everything to the police/authorities, let them investigate and hopefully be able to resolve the reasons why he felt this way. After all, as a parent I want him safe, happy and for him to have an opportunity to reach his full developmental potential at every point of his life.

Good luck, hopefully better days are near for you.