What do I say?

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My son has been hearing me talk to my husband, and to the doctor about him. He knows he has to go see someone this week, but he doesn't know why.

When we took him to his initial visit, and we discussed his behaviors, he was there - he had to be, no daycare - and he felt sad because he thought we were saying bad things about him and wouldn't talk to anyone. He just stuffed his face in his Daddy's chest until we left. It was hard for everyone. I don't want him to feel bad, and I think he may be too young to understand that he is different, but not in a bad way. We're taking him to the specialist on Wednesday, and I am scared that he is going to be upset again. He is 6. He has to know what is going on, on a day-to-day basis. And when Wednesday rolls around, how can I prepare him for it? What do I say to him about why he has to go (he doesn't like to leave the house) and what's going to happen when we're there?

Any ideas?

What is he having difficulties with? Use that to explain why he's going to the dr.

I have 3 sons - 2 diagnosed with Asperger's.

The oldest had anger problems. So we told him we were going to the doctor to get help for his anger.

The second had major anxiety problems. We told him we were going to the doctor to get help for his worrying.

You are right to discuss it with him. My sons always like to know what's going on, and make decisions about their therapy, IEP's etc.

We told him what to expect at the appointment. First he'd have to wait outside while Mum and Dad spoke to the doctors. He chose what books / toys he would take to play with. Then he would come into the room and the doctor would have a chat, show him some pictures etc. Then our son would go back to the waiting area to have another chat with Mum and Dad.

We helped our sons pack their backpacks with their toys/books, food and drink.


Helen

My son never asked questions about going to the doctors, however I decided to explain it simply to him a couple of months ago (he is 7). I wrote some stuff down in his scrapbook explaining that we go to the doctors because they think that his brain might work a bit differently. I listed the three main things that were "better" about the way his brain works (eg. good with numbers; good memory etc.) and the three main things that he needed more help with than other people (eg. social skills; learning not to get wound up, etc.). He seemed to accept this well. I asked him if he had any questions, which he didn't. It seemed easier being able to explain some of the "better" things about his brain too, so that he realises that he has advantages over NTs. I also explained that about 1 in 100 people are like this, so that he understood that many others had the same issue. I don't see too much point in using the "AS" label in the meantime - that'll come when I think he's ready, and hopefully it will be fairly casual and not like a bombshell, ie. "Hey, you know how we've talked about your brain working a bit differently, well, it's actually called AS, just in case you're interested . . ."

We are very open about autism, but my son gets very, very upset about doctors visits, and feels bad about himself. Usually my husband leaves with him, and plays in the waiting room/goes for a walk, and I do the talking.
Sometimes we have asked Grandad to go with us, so we can both talk to the doctor, and Grandad walks him.

if your anxiety level is high surrounding the diagnosis, his anxiety level will be too..........try to remain calm and upbeat. i agree with Smelena, focus the reason you're going to the dr on what your son's specific issue(s) are...good luck!

Thank you all very much for your responses.

When I made my intro thread, I made a pretty good list of his quirks, and I plan on just copying and printing it off and giving it to the doctor.

My anxiety level is not high about a possible diagnosis. It would actually be a relief to just have my questions answered and be able to get help for him in school.

I think the way I want to approach it is to emphasize the fact that the fun little things that make him him are good. We want to take him to the doctor so she can help us get to know him better, and learn more what he really wants to do and how we should help him do the things he wants to do. Just to get ideas.

Thanks again.

Does his dad have AS? I know many times one parent does, and well, both my husband and I went and my husband basically "joked" with the specialist on how "mommy does that too"...I know not all doctors like that attitude, but hey, I couldn't care less about what the doctor likes, as long as my kiddo does not feel horrible.

Here's what happend...Go to the doctor...wait about 3 hours to see the doctor. Walked in the door, kiddo has some cars he brought to play with while in the waiting room. Doctor says hi, kiddo just looks at him. Doctor tells kiddo to put away his toys, kiddo is not happy so daddy helps him. Doctor grabs a piece of paper, draws a circle, square, triangle and asks kiddo to do the same...kiddo looks at him and does NOTHING. Doctor tries to get kiddo to engage in some conversation, kiddo couldn't care less. For the next 2 1/2 hours, doctor asks me questions, I answer...One of which is "does he know how to draw a circle, square, triangle...", to which I reply - YES, he does. Doctor is OBVIOUSLY not happy about me homeschooling kiddo. He proceeds to tell me "if your kiddo was in school, then I could ask his teacher what he does and doesn't do, what he knows or doesn't know" and this would be easier...to which I reply, "I homeschool him, and I can tell you those things as well...and again, he knows how to draw those things, he just doesn't care to do it." Kiddo is running up and down the hallway, daddy chasing him, etc...Finally doctor starts his "your kiddo has HFA...ADHD...ODD (some defiant disorder)..." blah, blah...I think you should medicate him and send him to school. Hubby replies, "darn, we'll have to do the same to the mother cause everything you just mentioned about kiddo, his mother does..." Finally, kiddo comes to me, grabs my arm and says, "MOM, LET'S GO NOW!" I say,
"no kiddo, I'm talking to the doctor..." Kiddo then goes to the doctor's desk, grabs a pen and a paper, draws a CIRCLE, SQUARE AND TRIANGLE and hands it to the doctor...then he says "LET'S GO NOW MOM!".

Ah, funny, we wanted a second opinion, so almost 6 months later we had an appointment with another doctor for a diagnosis...a much better known doctor (it took us a year to get an appt). We walk in to her office, daddy and mommy sit down to talk to doctor...kiddo comes to mommy and says "MOM, PAPER!" I give him a paper and pencil to keep him occupied while we talk to the doctor...two minutes later, my kiddo gives the doctor a piece of paper with "A CIRCLE, A SQUARE and A TRIANGLE!! !" HAHAHA! We cracked up! The doctor had no clue why, we of course explained.

So, there you go...I think that when parents believe there is something WRONG with their child, their child will feel worried and not good about the whole visit, diagnosis...however, when the parent believes truly that he's just different and that is actually a GOOD THING, not something to be ashamed of and makes sure everyone knows his wonderful gifts, the child will be ok with doctors and everything else.

Good luck to you.