Furious

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You all are most probably sick of me (sorry), but I have to get this off my chest.
I went to pick my son up from school yesterday, and I don't normally go up stairs to his classroom I usually wait out in the school yard or near the gate where he can see me.
Yesterday I felt the need to go to his classroom to get him. The bell went, the kids were coming out, my son came out in tears. Whats wrong I ask him whilst rubbing his back. He tells me don't touch his back it hurts, he isnt feeling well. Where is his teacher???? Still in the classroom!! ! The entire classroom empties before she comes out, spots us still in the hallway, me trying to make sense of whats going on and trying to console my extremely upset child. The teacher comes over and says Oh I think he is coming down with something (Ya think!!) He also said that his legs were sore today, she had him take off his jumper because he'd felt a little warm. This interaction with me and the teacher lasted less than 5 minutes then she walked off into the next classroom to chat to another teacher. I had to phsically assist my son walking down the stairs, across the yard and the oval back to our car. I hate to think what may have happened had I not gone to get him myself from his class. I am furious, why didn't the school call me to come get him, why didn't the teacher at the very least escort him to me after school and let me know herself what was going on. He came out of her class in tears, she wasn't following him, she didn't even know I was waiting in the hallway.
My boy was so sick, I got him home just before 3.30pm and he slept threw to 3.30 am before he came in to see me in my bed. I was in contact with the nurse on call, I had to set my alarm so that I could check on him threw the night.
When he came in to me at 3.30am this morning he told me that he did go to his teacher and tell her much earlier in the day that he felt very sick, and apparently she said NO J you are just trying to get out of sports. He didn't argue with her. But he did cry on and off threw the day and she did nothing!! !! I asked him why he didn't tell his sports teacher he was sick even though his sports teacher told him he didn't seam like him self, he said because he didn't think he would believe him either. I am sooooo angry, I had just finished telling his teacher that my child isn't a liar, he doesnt have the capacity to mantipulate anyone, and he is as the teacher knows being investigated for possible seizures. No wonder why I don't trust this school with the care of my boy, no wonder why my son wont go to his teachers with any real concerns he may have.

Wait, he was being investigated for seizure and she just chalked it up to lying?!

It's so irresponsible...

I'd be fuming as well ... I'd have done the same too. Why not a call home?

That is SO irresponsible of the teacher!! I have never had to deal with that fortunately. If my kids were sick at school the teachers have always called me to get them. There is no excuse for what she did, I hope he is feeling better now.

I would have been extremely angry. I think I might have to have a word with the teacher, or if she won't listen, to an admin at the school. That is inexcusable. How much effort does it take to call home if a child is sick. And who is she to decide if he's lying, especially when he's obviously suffering to the point that he's in tears.

that is absolutely horrible! if you haven't done so already, you need to report it to the principal

You know, I understand from previous posts by you that the teacher is caring, but the end result is that she does not have the ability to provide what your child needs. Teachers have many children to worry about, and can't see everything, I know that, but with a child that is uncomfortable asserting himself against even the smallest obstacle (as your is, in this situation) that just isn't enough.

Time to pull him, IMHO.

That sounds like me when I was younger. I would tell people I felt bad, and they would tell me to stop whining. Then when I threw up, they complained at me for not telling them I was sick. Ahh, the joys of childhood.

I cant tell anything for certain, but your son may have the same problem that I did in elementary school which was lack of self confidence. If thats not the case, then please ignore the rest of this post. Being too uncoordinated for sports, mocked by other children, and ignored by your teachers tends to reduce confidence. As a result, he doesnt stick up for himself and adamantly say that he is sick and needs to go to the nurse. He just gets told no once, then gives up and goes on suffering. This problem is often made worse by the poor body-brain communication. I cant tell you I feel bad, but I have no idea what the problem is. This often results in the teacher ignoring the complaint.

A more attentive teacher who listens to his complaints would be nice. But for a long term solution, he needs to learn to stick up for himself, and make sure his needs get taken care of. Having somebody to negotiate on his behalf is good for now, but he needs to learn to do it for himself eventually if he is to become independent.

There is a number of ways to improve self confidence. Martial arts are often recommended by people here. But any competition that he does well in will also boost his confidence. If he does well at a chess tournament, or does really well at some sports, that will help. If I were you I would find something he is good at, and let him play some games related to that. As I suggested in your last post, a good computer game will help him in this area (read the responses to your other post for more info).

It would also be good of you to encourage (not nag) him to be more determined when reporting sick feelings to teachers. Tell him that if he is feeling sick, he should tell the teacher, and not give up when she tells him to go away. If he happens to miss the math class because he is in the nurses office then its not the end of the world. His teacher can tell you the homework, and you can help him learn what he missed in class. If he happens to miss gym class then who cares? I never understood why teachers seem to think gym class is an important thing. So what if he doesnt learn how to do a basketball pass correctly.

Tracker has a point.

I love having AS adults who can share their personal experiences.

But my mama-bear instinct is still to make it all a non-issue by having J in a more sheltered environment, or at least with someone who understands him better, until he has acquired those skills.

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Edited because I've caught myself saying "you know" AGAIN

Another thing to consider, is to tell him to bring up his problem again during a fun time if the teacher doesn't believe him. Children rarely will lie about being sick if it means missing something fun rather than something they don't like

As a sub, I frequently run into children who intentionally lie about being sick to get out of class when I'm there (at first i was sending them all to the nurse, but I was told by the various schools that this was normal behavior for the children when there was a sub.)

So unless the child obviously appears sick to me, or wants to go to the nurse during, recess, I wait a bit. If they ask twice, I might have them put their head down for a bit, with the understanding that any work they don't do is homework.

If its a stomach ache and they say they haven't eaten breakfast I tell them to wait and see if its hurts after lunch (I saw some kindergarten teachers do that). Also, while I give them permission to leave the room without asking if they feel a need to throw up, I also have them wait a bit if its a stomach just after lunch in case the problem is just that they ate to much

But as for getting him to be more persistant, I'm not sure what would work. But since the sports teacher is understanding, maybe you could work out a "code" sentence the sports teacher could use when asking him if something is wrong. When he hears taht sentence he knows he won't be accused of lying

You also don't want to complain about this teacher to another, because you may end up picking out her best friend, but identify the teachers who are on lunch and recess duty. Then express to them the concern you have about your son and how no matter how he's hurting he's afraid to tell someone once he's been accused of lying. Ask them to look for clues in your son, and ask him if he wants to speak to the nurse on days somethings amiss. They obviously can't pay to much attention to him as they in general have 50-100 kids to watch out, but at least if they know who he is, they glance over for a few moments, or ask him or his friends if he seems okay

I'm just thinking of the way my brain used to work and I can't come up with ideas to help him if thats the case. Ie If I went to apologize for something but my "mom/mrs.Teacher/etc" was responded to with an angrily "what do you want know" I'd interpret that as getting punished for trying to apologizing and would spend quite a while being angry at the fact that the very people who claimed they wanted me to apologize in such situations were refusing to allow me to. Then i wouldn't ever apologize in similar situations because I'd previously been shown that apologizing wasn't allowed. Not sure what would have changed that, because my goal was to avoid getting punished/yelled at, and keeping my mouth shout was the only thing that would have avoided it happening the time that led me to decide i wasn't allowed to apologize

Another thing I can occur happened when I was about 10 or so. i was forbidden from going to the movies because I didn't clean my room. Why didn't I clean it? 1) the mess wasn't mine 2) I had already cleaned up that mess once and I wasn't the one who redid it 3) Why should I spend hours cleaning up a mess if my little sister was permitted to come over and dump out the two toys boxes of junk I'd cleaned up without any consequences.

I never said why I didn't clean up the room. I figured if my parents were going to yell at me and punish me without even asking why the room was messy there was no reason at all in trying to tell them (also telling my mom anything but her predetermined belief of why something was the way it was had violent results) If my parents cared in the least bit about getting the room cleaned up then I saw no reason why they'd allow my sister to dump out toyboxes all through it, not permit me to yell at her when she did so, and not expect her to pick up the toys she's tipped over (toys that weren't even mine by the way)

Its the same concept that led to me refusing to speak to the psychologist. if you going to make up things about what I'm saying or why something is happening, then there is no point in my explaining what is going on. After all, it doesn't matter what i do or say, you'll just end up making up whatever you want me to have said or did. So why I should waste my time on explaining when the end result is the same is if I hadn't explained anything at all? The fact that you jump to punishments and yelling without ever taking time to stop and see what the situation is shows me that you aren't the least bit interested in finding out the truth of the situation and really don't care what it is. All you care about is punishing me, whether its justified or not.

Ahhh, I remember throwing up in class, and I did tell my mother I wasn't feeling too well...Didn't do much about it until I threw up in class. "Was I lying now?" I hated it when people didn't believe me. Didn't give me much confidence to talk to people

OMG! I would be livid!

My daughter won't even tell anyone she's sick, or hurt, or not feeling well. She broke her wrist at 11:00 recess and never bothered to tell anyone she was hurt, not even me. I found her sobbing in the kitchen at the table attempting to write with a broken wrist at 4:00. YIKES?! It was bruised and swollen. We took her to urgent care. She also won't tell anyone if she's ill except me. The problem is that our school has a VERY dumb attendence policy. Parents are only allowed to verify 10 absences the entire school year. All other absences require a doctor's note. In our town that grew way to fast for the infrasructure to keep up, it's VERY hard to get a Dr. appt for kids unless they are VERY ill. I can't take my children to the Dr. every time they get a flu bug or stomach virus. The Dr. office policy is that they will not write notes to school unless they see the kids in the office. As a result of this policy, more kids come to school sick with nasty contagious cold and flu bugs, spreading their germs to everyone else.

I once was pushed on the playground and smacked my forehead into a beam above the slide. Next thing I know I was in the bark at the bottom of the slide with a ton of kids around me. I had blacked out. Did I go to the nurse? Nope. I had a concussion and finished school, then went home and fell asleep- not normal, so my mom called the dr. after I told her what had happened.

The apple doea not fall far from the tree

She probably wanted him at school for that 2nd roll call to get their budget/money...sigh...

I don't trust teachers or schools to take care of my child any more than I trust someone I just met at the mall...I homeschool.
Been there, done that.

It's time to fix his IEP.

Hi all, thanks for the replies. I took him into see the doc yesterday he has a very nasty virus, swollen glans, sore throat, fever, aches and pains. He also has some spots (not chicken pox he's already had this and not thank god meninga however you spell it) they arent sure what they are, the spots are very localised, maybe a reaction to something else.
He ended up sleeping, apart from the half hour when he came into me at 3.30am 17.5 hrs.
(Its not glandular fever either he has had that, when he was 6/7) He said to me in the car on the way home he can't remember if he told his teacher if he was just feeling sick or if he said dizzy. Either way I am one very angry mum. The school know that he is being investigated for seizures, so even if he just said "hey I feel a little dizzy" and that was all there was to it. TELL ME!! !! ! I get the impression he was the only kid in the class when he went to see her, so no excuse for being distracted by other kids.