8y.o. is lying and bullying other children!! Help!

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My 8y.o. son has started lying constantly. Most of which is little things like: Did you brush your teeth?, Did you go to the bathroom?, and ect.... He will lie without even thinking about it. I have tried to take toys away, time outs, and grounding but nothing is working. My biggest concern at the moment is his random acts of being a bully. I have always raised him to know that you don't hit or be mean no matter what. We had a few issues of him hitting last summer, but after being grounded from his friends for a week it seemed to have stopped. Now all of a sudden he is being a bully to one of his friends' younger brother who is 5, and has hit the child. The hitting is usually because they are playing and my son will get hurt and lash out,or he is so frustrated he hits them.
Failure with trying to punish him for this also..
I have asked him why he is doing this and he says he doesn't know what else to do when he is frustrated. Telling and showing him with role-playing on how to handle these situations haven't worked. I'm pretty sure a few of his friends are bullying him, but they are pretty much the only friends he has that comes over to play with him. He is an only child so he desperately wants friends to come over to play with. I am afraid that if I don't let the other kids around he feels like he is being punished for them being mean to him..?!..
Any advice on how to handle this would be great!! Thank You!!

Is he truly being malicious or is he being caught trying to defend himself from a bully. When I was young son’s age the other kids would always tease or hit me behind the teacher’s back and when I retaliated it looked like I was the culprit because I was not sneaky enough.

Is he truly being malicious or is he being caught trying to defend himself from a bully.


I think it's a little of both, but either way. I don't want him to be hitting... I try to teach him if he is getting bullied to leave the situation and let an adult know. He doesn't understand the difference between fighting back and defending himself so having him leave the whole situation is the only option I have came up with.

Are you sure that you can know what he is thinking?
Issues such as neglecting hygiene aren't that uncommon.
It could just be a matter of him not recognizing the significance and may feel that he has better things to do with his time.


Likely, he isn't lying just to lie. So you really have to examine what he is lying about and why. Maybe try teaching him about some of the consequences that could arise from poor hygiene. I understand that the punishments are aimed towards the lying part, but when a child is facing a parental figure whose opinions differ from his on what he should be doing and why, it comes down to the idea of what choices he has. He 'loses' if he has to do something that he doesn't feel is appropriate for him. He 'wins' if he can avoid a losing situation.


Keep up with working with him on this and keep him talking. Don't let trying to teach him what he did wrong or what he could have done better come before focus on how he's feeling at these times though. Most of the time, especially if it is a reoccuring situation, he will know that he was wrong and only having that repeated to him with eliminate the motivation to keep talking. Or he may talk but only in a defensive position, in which he may feel the need to be justifying his actions to others, but not really speaking his mind. At this time, really just try to show him that his feelings are important to you.


If he is so desperate to have friends, then it will be easy for him to choose an abusive situation over being lonely. Have you tried getting him involved in any activities that could give him an opportunity to make more friends?

Last edited by Shayne on 16 Feb 2009, 1:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My son would NEVER bathe or brush his teeth if I didn't make him in that moment. It's always been this way.
If I asked him, I can't imagine he'd tell me no. I wouldn't even think to ask him. I know if he did or not. I have to oversee. It'd be wonderful if he could be trusted to do these things.
Don't assume you can trust your son. Oversee more. Observe him brushing his teeth and bathing. This way, he won't be allowed to fabricate. I would try to prevent him telling stories.

Bullying? He could be feeling like an outcast and will do just about anything to fit in. Or, he could be mimicing others behavior and he is getting caught. Or, maybe he is fighting back but gets caught. This has happened to my son numerous times.

What does the teacher say? He should never be allowed to hit a child. This should be taken seriously by school. If it's not, your son will continue doing it.

I'm glad that I'm getting fast responses here. This is the first time I have posted or been to this site, and it's really great. Thank you to all that have responded.

What does the teacher say? He should never be allowed to hit a child. This should be taken seriously by school. If it's not, your son will continue doing it.


I have spoke with his teachers, and he isn't doing this at school. It seems it's just on the bus ride home and while he is home playing with other kids. His school has been great and will keep an eye on the situation. In the mean time, I have to figure out a way for him to not get violent if and accident happens while playing. I also caught him physically pushing a child to sit down because I had told them all to sit up on the sofa while watching T.V. The younger child who was 5 wasn't listening and my son took over.

Sorry if I ramble! It's just nice to have someone to talk to about this that understands him!

If your son was a victim of bullying he might be switching the roles which sometimes happens when people are victimized. Their could be several reason he is doing this but the two that make the most sense are

1.) He thinks that it is acceptable because perhaps the bullies at school are not punished.
2.) He is angry at those who bullied him.


Have you ever thought that he could be anxious? Remember when you are anxious you feel exposed, out of control, and unsafe by switching to a powerful emotion like anger it can make you feel safe, in control, and sheltered. I know that when I was a child I did this a lot.


Anyways at the very least you must find the root of it all because until you find the cause of the behavior you cannot do anything to solve this problem.

In the beginning I would tell the teacher but she either did not believe me or would not do anything and/or tell me I was being a tattletail. I learned really quickly that telling an adult was useless. Sadly, this is often the case with a lot of indivudials with AS, maybe this is what is happening with your son.




Ditto! EXTACTALY my childhood story. Alycia, I hope you can get everything resolved.