HELP, why wont he talk?

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I know this is a difficult question to answer, but maybe someone might have some answers or give us some hope. My son is 4 next month and has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS/ Aspergers/Aytipical Autism (different psychologists). He is talking at a one word level, requesting things along with pointing. He can say some phrases too and uses all his language appropriatly. We are seeing progress but sooooo slowly, will it come eventually? Is he getting too old to really be sure that he will be fully verbal one day? He has had a cognitive test and has IQ within the average range. He is sociable enough, wants to play typical kids (chasing, running about etc). He immitates well (when motivated) and can turn take for a few turns (sometimes!!). He has no repetitive movements and hardly any sensory problems. So whats holding up the language? I think he wants to talk, we had a S&L therapist who said he has mild oral dyspraxia, but his school have said that there is no way he has, and that he is just delayed. Am I being impatient or is it looking like he may never be fully verbal at this stage? We do the very best we can to support his language, naming everything, creating opportunity for him to use his language always, but we worry so much every day.

Your advice is greatly appreciated, as always.

My son did not say a word until he was 3 years old. Up until his birthday he said shoe, and that was it. Within 2 weeks of his 3rd birthday he was saying about 20 words. It's like he kept it all in there and then one day, when he was comfortable he just starting spitting out words like crazy. My son has dyspraxia also, and auditory processing problems (and PDD-NOS) which really makes it hard for him to articulate his thoughts and feelings. He is also a perfectionist, and won't do anything he isn't absolutely sure he can do perfectly. He is much better with this now, but we have worked on this with his speech therapist a lot.

Be patient with your son. If he is imitating that is good. My son didn't imitate ANYTHING until he turned 3 also, and that is a huge part of it. Language is really really hard, and dyspraxia is not only in physical movement, it's in your processing centers of your brain also. He has to coordinate the language in his head before he can coordinate it out of his mouth. One day he will blow you away, and the language will come flowing like a raging river, then it will level out and so on and so on. He may even plateau for a while.

This is a long hard road for these kids, but keep working with him and be patient. Language is very complex and very hard. Think of it this way. Imagine that you are learning a foreign language, but you don't have the luxury of having a primary language to jump off from. You can't say, azul means blue, you just have to learn blue. When you get into sentences you have rules. Verbs, nouns, past and present tense, prepositions etc etc. These kids don't have the luxury of knowing basic language rules either. It's all brand new. In addition, he doesn't learn language like other kids, by listening and picking it up. He has to be taught everything, and practice, practice, practice. So that makes it even harder. It takes a long time. Don't worry, he's not doomed yet. It's still very very early in the process. It will take years for my son, and we will keep plugging away, and he WILL be fine.

If you haven't tried sign language, that may help. It brought some out in my son, and it was a great teaching tool because he could "see" the word. It helped with the processing part of it tremendously, and that is half the battle.

Good Luck, be patient, and work on one thing at a time and don't worry, and if you can afford private therapy, even one day a week to compliment the school I would really recommend that.

By the way..my son is 7. He has a large vocabulary, only has articulation problems with L and TH. He communicates pretty well, but he couldn't put 2 full sentences together to save his life. Describing an event is impossible. His syntax is all over the place, and he still has a lot of rote language, but he has made tremendous progress and still is making it. He will get there, and so will your child.

If he is progressing normally in other ways, then honestly I wouldn't worry. You indicate there's no repetitive behavior or movements, he's social, and he has no problems otherwise, so I think really you're quite lucky.

2 of my uncles said 1 word sentences until they were around 5-6. They are two of the smartest guys I know. One is a nuclear physicist and one is a lawyer. You'd never know from their school records or their actions today that they had ever had a language delay.

Thanks so much for the prompt replys, I knew I could rely on you guys to share your experiences. All the ASD kids I know at the moment are only 3-4 years of age, and are mostly non verbal. Its nice to hear from Mums who have older kids, to help us remain focused and stay optomistic. Is the diagnosis of Aspergers way off the mark? I guess I would be 'delighted' if I thought that he had Aspergers, as it is the most High Functioning.

Thanks again guys x

There are different opinions about Aspergers and HFA. My son would have been diagnosed with aspergers if he didn't have the language difficulties. He does have autistic traits, but some have become more subtle as his language gets better. Aspergers isn't necessarily higher functioning that PDD-NOS. I think my son is higher functioning that some of those who have aspergers. Everyone on the spectrum is different. You could have 2 aspie kids that are different in almost every way because there are spectrums within in the spectrum and it manifests itself different in every kid. Aspergers/HFA...same thing IMO.

Don't put too much importance into the label. The label will give you some perspective and help open doors for you but that's about it. From there it is very individual. Concentrate more on helping your child with the things that challenge him, and nurture the gifts when they are realized. My son couldn't put 2 sentences together but he can do triple didget math and division. He's in first grade. He's amazing.

I did not talk until I was four, and was not understood until maybe the fourth grade, or fifth. I was declared ret*d until my IQ was tested in the sixth grade and they found out I had the highest IQ that had ever been seen in that school. I am not quite as accomplished as some of the above people, but I do have a college degree and have raised five children and stayed married for 37 years and been published.
Your boy is still too young for you to know the final outcome.

Wow, thanks so much for sharing that with me. Its those stories that give us so much hope. It is still so fresh for us at the moment as our son is so young, we have no idea what his outcome will be and the 'wait and see' is very difficult. But we do all we can to support him right now, and make sure he enjoys life and gets out there in the community as much as possible. We make sure not to waste away his youth, worrying about what the future holds, I just do that worrying in my spare time away from him!! Thanks again for sharing your experiences, it really means allot x

My son started handflapping when he was 6, before that he did jumping quite alot which didn't really seem anything different from alot of young kids.

He should okay, at that age I didn't really say much but now my language has improved a lot. His language should improve a lot as he gets older.

Thanks once again, yep I guess I really want to know the 'cause' for the speech delay. His school feel it is the 'Autism' that is causing the delay!! Im not too sure what the hell that exactly means. Does that mean he is not socially motivated because of the 'autism', or does that mean somehow the 'autism' is blocking the speech part of his brain?

At his IEP meetings the only real 'need' that he has is developing his speech, so our conversations revolve around it all the time. But I guess I would like someone to say 'I know exactly whats wrong, and this is how we will work on it'.

I am quickly learning that everything with these kids changes from day to day, and the only thing you can be sure of is that tomorrow will be a new and different day!!

I sound like i am moaning about all of this, but really I am just searching for information. The reality is that we do feel lucky to have an amazing little boy, who we are so proud of. I love to read all your quirky little stories, it puts a smile on my face and then when I find my little lad doing something similar, I dont worry so much, cause I know its all 'normal'.

Thanks again xx

FD,

I am so glad I read your post. I have the same worries about my 3 yr old Aspie son. I often wonder if he'll ever learn some of these things that are delayed. But then I am reminded that I have to give it time and he will. I guess as parents we just want so much for our children. It's nice not to feel so alone. Thank you for sharing.

Hey there, I had a wonderful speech and language therapist out to our home yesterday, and we may have got to the root of the 'problem' regarding his speech.

During her time in our home she observed that he was using the same words and phrases for many different things and that by doing this he has become a little 'stuck'. For example if he pointed to the press and said 'open' I would immediatly give him cereal (or whatever is in that press) to reward him for his wonderful effort. But he will also say 'open' for me to give him something that is closed in my hand, again I would immediatly give it to him for his wonderful effort.

So whats happening is he has some 'back-up' words that seem to fit many situations, and I havnt been pushing him for a more appropriate word, as it usually fits the situation. As the S&L therapist is sure his is ready to be pushed further, we have to now change the way we do things at home. So really it is us his parents, as we are his teachers at home, have become 'stuck'.

Now we have been given many stratagies to expand his vocabulary and not accept the same old words and phrases. All ready we are seeing a change, but we are also hearing more whinging, as the same old words dont seem to be working for him any more........watch out!! !

But we are prepared for an extinction burst, and know it will be difficult for him to have to use new words, since he had got very comfortable with the ones he has been using.

It does seem to fit, we couldnt really see a reason why he wasnt talking, I guess now we realise he didnt need to!! We met every demand readily without too much pressure. I suppose we needed to be told he was ready for another 'push'! !

Thanks again Guys, will let you know how it goes xx

The academic line and empirical evidence seems to suggest that if there is a speech delay you are more likely to be looking at Autism. Aspergers Syndrome has no speech delay. Hope that helps a bit. If you would like the papers just yell I will dig them out