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Adoption: A bittersweet option?

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hyperlexian
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21 Feb 2012, 2:21 am

Giftorcurse is the OP. he had 2 nearly-identical threads, so they are combined into one thread. one thread was in Random and one was in Politics, Philosophy, and Religion. it fit better here so i merged them into this thread.


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Giftorcurse
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22 Feb 2012, 7:18 pm

Thanks.


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Master_Pedant
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22 Feb 2012, 9:24 pm

mds_02 wrote:
Yeah, it's not all as wonderful as it's made out to be. I mean, you grow up knowing that one set of parents didn't want you, and the other set only took you because they couldn't have their own. That's gonna mess you up a bit. Still, probably better that than the foster system or a group home or something.


Adoptive parents - who actually want children & are more likely to be better prepared for them then people who have unplanned pregnancies - might be above-average parents.

http://voices.yahoo.com/article/150104/ ... 06842.html


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22 Feb 2012, 9:34 pm

artrat wrote:
Giftorcurse wrote:
aussiebloke wrote:
Let me guess your adopted ?

Nope.

Then how can you judge?


I assume it's possible to judge the usefulness of adoption on the basis of intersubjectively verifiable data. I have some personal (anecdotal) relations to the issue, as my father was adopted (as part of the Sixties Scoop) to a couple who, I generally regard, as somewhat dysfunctional parents. However, one anecdote doesn't refute the evidence that many adoptions have more beneficial than otherwise outcomes.

The OP's argument seems to break down into this:

  • Premise 1: Adoption isn't as good as displayed in the media & has complications and problems.
  • Premise 2: If something isn't as good as it's made out to be, then it should be discouraged.
  • Conclusion: Therefore, adoption should be discouraged.


Needless to say, I don't find the argument convincing.


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LKL
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22 Feb 2012, 10:09 pm

mds_02 wrote:
Yeah, it's not all as wonderful as it's made out to be. I mean, you grow up knowing that one set of parents didn't want you, and the other set only took you because they couldn't have their own. That's gonna mess you up a bit. Still, probably better that than the foster system or a group home or something.

I don't understand this POV at all. I don't understand why people think that a child that is genetically theirs is somehow 'better' than all other children, or that parents who are genetically related are somehow 'better' than all other parents. People, for the most part, are people, and there are good ones and bad ones within a family as well as without it. Yes, we are programmed to reproduce - but we *know* that it's just biological imperative, and every single human is more than 99% similar to every other human. Why is reproducing that last 1% so important to people? I don't understand people who want 'purebred' dogs, either.



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22 Feb 2012, 10:21 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
Thanks.

you're welcome.

my mother used to say that she wished she was adopted because then she woulda been CHOSEN by parents. she never felt wanted by her actual parents. she had a friend who was adopted and she had an idyllic life.


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abacacus
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22 Feb 2012, 10:34 pm

Adoption is useful if a couple can't have children, if there is a high risk of a genetic disease, or they want children but not the pregnancy.

As far as people putting kids up for adoption, it's useful if they don't want children but don't want an abortion either.


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22 Feb 2012, 10:40 pm

I keep seeing people mentioning parents not wanting the children they put up for adoption. But no one has mentioned parents giving there children up because they can't support them (financial, psychologically etc.), not giving them up because they don't want them, but because they know that there child wont be any where near happy with them.


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Last edited by Titangeek on 22 Feb 2012, 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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22 Feb 2012, 10:41 pm

Master_Pedant wrote:
artrat wrote:
Giftorcurse wrote:
aussiebloke wrote:
Let me guess your adopted ?

Nope.

Then how can you judge?


I assume it's possible to judge the usefulness of adoption on the basis of intersubjectively verifiable data. I have some personal (anecdotal) relations to the issue, as my father was adopted (as part of the Sixties Scoop) to a couple who, I generally regard, as somewhat dysfunctional parents. However, one anecdote doesn't refute the evidence that many adoptions have more beneficial than otherwise outcomes.

The OP's argument seems to break down into this:

  • Premise 1: Adoption isn't as good as displayed in the media & has complications and problems.
  • Premise 2: If something isn't as good as it's made out to be, then it should be discouraged.
  • Conclusion: Therefore, adoption should be discouraged.


Needless to say, I don't find the argument convincing.


I agree. I mean nothing ends up being as good as it is displayed in the media, except maybe beautiful naked women having pillow-fights. What is the alternative to adoption, massive state owned foster homes? /That sounds WAY better /sarcasm


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23 Feb 2012, 12:47 am

Titangeek wrote:
I keep seeing people mentioning parents not wanting the children they put up for adoption. But no one has mentioned parents giving there children up because they can't support them (financial, psychologically etc.), not giving them up because they don't want them, but because they know that there child wont be any where near happy with them.


Why would any one want a child they can't support? Falls under the same banner IMO.


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23 Feb 2012, 12:54 am

abacacus wrote:
Titangeek wrote:
I keep seeing people mentioning parents not wanting the children they put up for adoption. But no one has mentioned parents giving there children up because they can't support them (financial, psychologically etc.), not giving them up because they don't want them, but because they know that there child wont be any where near happy with them.


Why would any one want a child they can't support? Falls under the same banner IMO.


Say you have a kid, when said child is born you are able to take care of him/her, but then maybe a year later you are no longer able to take care of them (you get seriously hurt, addicted to something, mental illness), and you know that that child will not have a good life if he/she stays with you. You still love said child, and wanting what is best for them, you give them up. And besides that, no one ever said human emotions made any kind of logical sense.


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Giftorcurse
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26 Feb 2012, 6:49 pm

What makes you think an adoptive parent would be any good, huh?


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26 Feb 2012, 7:01 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
What makes you think an adoptive parent would be any good, huh?

having been raised by one myself.



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02 Mar 2012, 1:28 pm

What cloud kingdom did you come from?


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CrazyCatLord
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02 Mar 2012, 1:41 pm

Giftorcurse wrote:
What makes you think an adoptive parent would be any good, huh?


What makes you think that a biological parent would be any good?

To answer your question: People who want a child are often better parents than people who only get married because of an unplanned pregnancy. There are no unplanned adoptions.



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02 Mar 2012, 3:33 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
Giftorcurse wrote:
What makes you think an adoptive parent would be any good, huh?


What makes you think that a biological parent would be any good?

To answer your question: People who want a child are often better parents than people who only get married because of an unplanned pregnancy. There are no unplanned adoptions.


Well said.


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