Adoption: A bittersweet option?

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What explains the number of adopted kids that are institutionalized? What explains the number of people coming out on YouTube, blogging sites, and so on sharing less than ideal experiences with scumbag adopters? What do you say to that?

Actually it makes me wonder about how many of the social workers involved are actually corrupt individuals...

I know of many people whom actually had to adopt kids from other countries because of how screwed up the adoption system is in the United States. These were couples that couldn't have children btw.

Just you only hear from those that have had an awful experience.

So can a man.

A lot of adopted kids are adopted out of less-than-ideal situations from less-than-ideal parents; drug use by the mother can permanently brain-damage the fetus before it's even born, meaning that adoptive parents are disproportionately getting kids likely to need institutionalization later in life.
Wrt. youtube: how about all of the posts about scumbag genetic parents?

Sure they can. It's natural to want kids. Not everyone does though and I don't. I never wanted kids and never will. I don't have sex any more so I don't have to worry about accidental pregnancies but I'm still glad I won't have a uterus any more soon. It's only caused me misery.

^Yeah. Besides, anyone who considers intentionally having a kid on this bloody rock would be considering an atrocity.

You mean there's something positive about foster care?

Hopefully this is just me, but every social worker I've ever met seemed to be on some kind of power trip. AT LEAST the social workers that visited me initially refused to enter our house until we insisted that they do so. They noted the ONE maintenance issue we had with the house, that our oldest son was no longer bottle fed (which refuted the accusations against us), and the reason why we had to ask them inside was because our daughter, only a few weeks old, was a premie and it was too cold outside. They gave us some photocopied literature on safety in the house and how to properly feed babies, told us to have a good day, and that was the end of it. Another time we were accused of refusing medical treatment for our son. We gave them the prescriptions from the doc and showed them how many doses were left so they'd know we were right on schedule. We never saw them again after that.

More often, though, you hear horror stories about how they show up when you're not home, peek in the windows, and tell DHS that the house is a mess and you refused to answer the door. The kids get taken, and you basically choose between foster care and bankruptcy (from fighting the system).

Q: What is the difference between foster care and prison?

A: You might actually get out of prison.

Very funny.

No system will ever be 100%, but there are a lot of good, loving, adoptive parents in the world.

My friend's dad is not her biological dad, but he did everything and more that you could expect a father to do.

Same with other people I know who are in step-parent situations.

Wow.


Same here. I have genetic issues I wouldn’t want to pass on to a child.


Overpopulation is real, and it does matter; we’re too many, using too much resources and taking up too much space thus effing up the eco systems around us and over exploiting the soil, oceans and destroying biodiversity.


Sure, adoptive parents, like biological parents, can be a gift or a curse.
To adopt, you have to pass a lot of criteria regarding age, physical and mental health, monetary situation and relationship with your partner. It will take you years from you start the process until you get a child, if you’re accepted at all, and it costs sh**loads.
I think it’s fair to say that if you adopt a child, you’re serious about wanting children.
That doesn’t mean you will be a good parent. You can love and want children without being good at dealing with them. The bond between parent and child can be anywhere from near perfect to couldn’t be worse, independent of who gave birth to the child originally.

I’m sure adoption is bittersweet for many. The child will know that despite the fact that their adoptive parents chose them, their biological couldn’t or wouldn’t have them. But it sure beats abuse or neglect, or being passed around in the system.
Every child deserves to grow up in a loving home and have their basic needs met. I do not see a problem with adoption.

You said in your OP that you don’t see them as saintly. I had no idea people saw adopters as saintly. I never have. I just see them as parents who for whatever reason are raising children they didn’t give birth to. Is that noble to some? If it is, I do not understand their POV. Adoption is just something that is...

As for problems...Some children have emotional problems afterwards. http://suite101.com/article/adoption-an ... es-a208724
I don’t think their problems necessarily are due to adoption, though. I think it’s more part of wh you are and how you react, and if a child with Adopted Child Syndrome hadn’t been adopted, then they would likely still have problems, just under other names.
I’m not denying that adopted children have challenges of their own in terms of identity or grief of loss. I’m just saying that how your mind reacts is a huge factor.

All I have seen of statistics say that adopted children are generally successful and do well. I even saw one page talking about international adoption claiming that these adoptees even have higher self esteem than Norwegian born children are better socially adapted.
Allegedly a Swedish survey showed that they had a higher degree of ADHD and learning disabilities, but these are things that are part of you, they would have had that either way, just like I have dyscalculia “despite” growing up with my biological family.


There are lots of reasons why people would adopt a child or put one up for adoption. Some children are orphaned, some have biological parents who for financial or other reasons can’t care for them, some are from cultures where they are considered the wrong sex.
Some people adopt because they can’t have children of their own, sure, but there are other reasons as well, like having genetically inherited disorders running in your family, or not wanting pregnancy, or just loving children, or wanting to have them without contributing to the overpopulation.

I don’t want children in any way, but if I did, I think adoption would be a good choice for above mentioned reasons. I don’t think it would make any difference to me that the child was born of others. Family can be more than blood. I know that sounds sappy but it’s still true.



I agree but for other reasons. As a foster parent you don’t have any rights with the child. That’s why there are children here who can’t be put up with a family. Their biological parents are incapable of taking care of them but they still refuse to put the child up for adoption, and few people are interested in fostering because they have less rights, and the child can be taken from them.
That’s why so many people who want to adopt, have to go for international adoption.


Of course. I think you’re nature first, nurture second. But there can also be great differences between biological parents and children, so there are never any guarantees anyway.
I saw a documentary some time ago about that, and the conclusion was that (and don’t get offended here, guys), if you adopt a stupid child, no matter how smart you are, it will not rub off on your adopted child, although their environment can help them improve, their skills and intelligence are mainly a matter of their genetic makeup.


How is that greedy? As I’ve pointed out already, I don’t want children but if I did, I think adoption would be a good choice rather than having my own. How is that greedy?


True. You are never doomed to repeat the failings of your parents.
My paternal grandfather was an abusive alcoholic, but my dad and my uncle are not. One of my aunts do have a problem with alcohol though, making it 1 of 5 in terms of statistics. At least she’s not a mean drunk.


I agree. The mother’s situation is not their fault, nor their responsibility. If anyone were to help her, it should be her own parents/larger family, or the state.


Shivers
That would be like a nightmare come true to me! lol

I think that the deficiency in American adoptions is a great thing, a boon even. People are coming to their senses; there's no American Dream, only an American Nightmare.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nationa ... -1.1185536
Gee, will you look at this.

It's sad but there are both good and bad adoptive and birth parents out there. I can't help but think the baby I gave up for adoption is better off with the people that adopted him than me. At least they had enough money to take care of him properly and wanted him. They even adopted a sister for him. With me we would have been dirt poor and on welfare and he would have been neglected because I never wanted kids and don't like babies or small children.

Did you happen to read my reply to ooo?
I don't know why you both thought I was saying anything about adoptive parents having a responsibility to bio moms or being at fault for anything.

the amount of felt compassion that would fill this world if every couple who wasn't able to have children adopted a child from a different race or country would be immense. There are 300,000 orphans in Rwanda, who Rwanda for a while would not allow non-Rwandans to adopt because better to keep the race pure, then have a Child have a home, have a sense of belonging. For some, its better that children languish unwanted, which is one of the worst things a child can grow up thinking, especially when the child then sees a child with parents and feels the contrast, then to run the possibility that the children will be adopted by bad people. It's an unfortunate reality for so many people.

And yes, I would adopt. It's the least we all owe to are parents, or to luck and chance, whatever you want to call it, is to give an existing orphaned or unwanted child the same opportunities you were given by your own parents.