When Jesus returns to earth

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pgd
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05 Sep 2010, 5:58 am

When Jesus returns to earth, will he appear on Christian TV?

When Jesus returns to earth, will he appear on Daystar or TBN Christian TV first to announce his venue for the Last Judgment?

What does the Bible say about Christian TV and Jesus's Second Coming?

What do modern translations of the Bible say?

Will Jesus simply arrive unannounced or will Daystar and TBN Christian TV act as messengers who go before him to straighten out the highway to Israel?

Themes

John the Baptist vs Daystar/TBN Christian TV (all servants of Jesus)

Zara
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05 Sep 2010, 6:29 am

When Jesus returns to Earth, he'll be put in the loony bin where all the prophets and good social activists go and Christians will be none the wiser.

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Sand
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05 Sep 2010, 8:29 am

Zara wrote:

When Jesus returns to Earth, he'll be put in the loony bin where all the prophets and good social activists go and Christians will be none the wiser.

Unless he ends up in Guantanamo. He may look like bin Laden.

Quartz11
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05 Sep 2010, 10:25 am

Sand wrote:

Zara wrote:

When Jesus returns to Earth, he'll be put in the loony bin where all the prophets and good social activists go and Christians will be none the wiser.

Unless he ends up in Guantanamo. He may look like bin Laden.

I once read an article over on the Thom Hartmann message boards, pretty much sums up what would happen if Jesus ever did come back.

Quote:

Jesus Returns
April 01, 2010, 8:22 AM EDT
by Walldude

Des Moines- In a stunning display of hubris, Jesus Christ himself has returned to earth. As usual things did not go quite as planned. Jesus's first stop was at a tea party rally in Des Moines. As the crowed gathered Jesus pushed his way to the speaking platform raised his hands and claimed with authority "I have returned my children, my father has sent me here to insure that all Christians are following my teachings".

Perhaps Jesus should have done his homework before he appeared in Des Moines today. You see with his "hair of white wool" and his skin "bronzed from the sun" Jesus looked like, well, he looked like he came from the Middle East. Before the shouts of "commie socialist" could even start he was tackled by two armed tea baggers and dragged off the platform. Onlookers claim he could be heard muttering.. "oh s**t, not again".

But crucifixion was not in the cards for Jesus that day, something much worse was coming. He was thrown into a black van with tinted windows and hauled away to an undisclosed location... on "C" street. Some of the leaders of the Christianity movement Pat Robertson, The Pope, Bill Donahue, Rick Warren, Joel Osment, and Glen Beck (after looking at these guys Jesus could be heard muttering " you know dad, crucifixion would have been less cruel) gathered in a dank room with the "son of god" and started the questioning in earnest. "Why aren't you white?" "How can you be Jesus if we aren't raptured" "Can you prove who you are? Where is your birth certificate?". Glen Beck kept asking him if he was one of those "social justice scumbags". To his credit, Jesus calmly sat and gave nothing but his name: Jesus Christ.. rank: Son Of God and serial number.. 00000000000000000000000000001

After 15 minutes of getting nothing out of Jesus they called the CIA and had him sent out of the country for "enhanced" interrogation.

Now while I would like to report that Jesus, having had enough of the waterboarding, the torture and the incessant whining of one Glen Beck, got angry, and went to town, freeing himself from captivity and taking revenge on those who use his name to start wars, rape children, and get rich conning old ladies out of their social security checks. I would like to report that Jesus grabbed his staff and laid the smack down on the so called political and religious leaders who all seem to be committing horrible atrocities in his name, all over the world, and slapping down the people who defend these leaders and worship them as false idols.

But I can't. You see he's Jesus. The Prince of Peace. And he will sit idly by and watch as the people he came to save use his name to get rich, to protect the guilty and to wage wars. Somewhere in some undisclosed country, in some undisclosed prison, in some undisclosed cell...

JESUS WEPT.

ruveyn
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05 Sep 2010, 10:46 am

Quartz11 wrote:

Zara wrote:

When Jesus returns to Earth, he'll be put in the loony bin where all the prophets and good social activists go and Christians will be none the wiser.

Quote:

Unless he ends up in Guantanamo. He may look like bin Laden.

When Jesus returns, he will not be crucified. He will be water-boarded.

ruveyn

Sand
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05 Sep 2010, 11:06 am

ruveyn wrote:

Quartz11 wrote:

Zara wrote:

When Jesus returns to Earth, he'll be put in the loony bin where all the prophets and good social activists go and Christians will be none the wiser.

Quote:

Unless he ends up in Guantanamo. He may look like bin Laden.

When Jesus returns, he will not be crucified. He will be water-boarded.

ruveyn

And Christians will wear little bottles of water on necklaces.

Nambo
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12 Oct 2010, 2:04 pm

If you want to know the manner of Jesus return, best to see what Jesus himself had to say about the matter in the book of Revelation.

This time he doesnt come as a meek little baby sacrificial lamb, he comes back as the reaper, to reap the winepress of the anger of God, for the destruction of the ungodly, riding a White Horse, (the first horse of the four horsemen of the apocolipse) armed with a bow and a rod of Iron, he leads an army from Heaven.

The first to feel the wrath of God will be the self professed house of God, all those false shepards leading Gods people into the pit will be the first to go.

When does he return?
42 months after the establishment of the One World Government whenever that might be.

Asp-Z
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12 Oct 2010, 2:08 pm

He should do it in a totally awesome way like when Hancock lands. Like he needs to shoot down really fast from the sky so he smashes the concrete ground and makes car alarms go off and stuff, know what I'm saying?

Tensu
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12 Oct 2010, 2:09 pm

Jesus said while he was here last time not to believe people when they claim to be the messiah, because when he comes back, you'll know it's him.

So I imagne He's planning quite the grand re-enterence.

Asp-Z
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12 Oct 2010, 2:11 pm

Tensu wrote:

But will he shoot lightening from his hands? I think that's what we all want to know

Tensu
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12 Oct 2010, 2:21 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

Tensu wrote:

But will he shoot lightening from his hands? I think that's what we all want to know

The bible doesn't say...

But he will destory the army of a world government with the word of God and feed them to crows and vultures, if that's any consulation.

Huzzah! 400th post!

Last edited by Tensu on 12 Oct 2010, 2:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Asp-Z
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12 Oct 2010, 2:24 pm

Tensu wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Tensu wrote:

But will he shoot lightening from his hands? I think that's what we all want to know

The bible doesn't say...

But he will destory the army of a world government with the word of God and feed them to crows and vultures, if that's any consulation.

Sounds cool, I guess...

aspi-rant
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12 Oct 2010, 2:27 pm

pgd wrote:

what makes you think that he will be in the US in case he returns (as all christians obvious believe he does)?

ruveyn
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13 Oct 2010, 9:29 am

pgd wrote:

If Jesus comes back he will be arrested and incarcerated immediately.

ruveyn

sartresue
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13 Oct 2010, 10:28 am

The gospel according to pgd topic

Gotta love his threads. Even atheists comment, and he does not seem to mind when his topic gets hijacked.

pgd= patience, guts, determination :wink:

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Kraichgauer
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15 Oct 2010, 12:39 am

ruveyn wrote:

pgd wrote:

If Jesus comes back he will be arrested and incarcerated immediately.

ruveyn

I think it was Tolstoy who wrote a story about Jesus coming back to 19th Switzerland, where the arch bishop has him immediately arrested and sentenced to death.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

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