5 Things You Won't Believe Aren't In the Bible

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And those 5 things are....



I won't copy/paste the whole article because there's a lot of formatting and linking sources within the text itself but here's the rundown:


#5: Angels
#4: The Devil Is Red and Has Horns, a Pitchfork and Goat Legs
#3: The Holy Grail
#2: The Anti-Christ

And the #1 thing:

Hell: Everything Other Than the Fire


*cue Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra*


http://www.cracked.com/article_18757_5- ... bible.html


(I also linked it in the text "and those 5 things are" but figured some people may miss that link)

cracked.com is such a great source of hilarity.


definitely one of my favorite ways to start a several-hour-wikipedia-link-journey.

I always enjoy the normally thoroughness of their references.

if our society wasn't so terrified of teenagers being exposed to the f**k word and boobies, humor articles like those on cracked would make for some awesome high school classroom material.

teach teenagers how to read an article and check it's sources. teach teenagers that there is absolutely no subject that isn't hilarious and full of penis joke openings. teach teenagers important life lessons like "that picture of you hitting a bong will come back to haunt you if you win a bunch of gold medals."

as well as inspiring interest in otherwise boring subjects.

If I figured you were possily interested I would post citations -

but angels are in there [possibly [I am too lazy to check YOUR source] the issue is they are not girly Hallmark angels]

AND the Antichrist

If the point is that the popular pictures are wrong, of course, no question.

Funny. I lightly skimmed the article, and love how all that stuff is "in the Bible, but not."

Of that, though, in all seriousness the only thing that really ISN'T in the Bible is the Holy Grail. From my understanding, the pictures painted of the devil and antichrist are only reflective of the truly ugly nature of them, not the actual physical appearance. I suppose we've been fed a steady diet of that long enough that is what we immediately associate with those subjects.

Yeah. And angels are all female, too.

lol

I concur that the angel of the Bible in a chance meeting with a human would require the security of a shotgun under the pillow. They're not described by the Bible as kind, matronly beings who play harps on clouds all day.

Something else in the Bible I bet people often overlook is the possibility of a pre-incarnate Christ. There are several passages throughout the first five books and in the prophets about "the Angel of the Lord" and "the Lord." When referred to as one-and-the-same, it makes sense that the appearance of Christ happened at key points throughout history. The ancients believed that anyone who saw the face of God would instantly die which, if true, can only mean that God manifested Himself in a more compatible way in certain situations, such as when Moses and God spoke face to face.

Last edited by AngelRho on 18 Nov 2010, 2:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And if you were interested, you would have read the article and understood that they did mention that there are antichrists mentioned in the bible but the strictest definition of such is that it is people who oppose Jesus Christ. They also said that there are mention of angels. Just not how popular culture portrays it.

I admitted and admit I was not and am not motivated to check out what was represented as a humorous piece rather than a serious study - I never read Mad or the Onion.

You will note I did give credit for likely poiunting at the popular image [NOT the image held by Christian or Jewish or Muslim thinkers].

If you check it out, you will find there IS talk of a specific antichrist, though the term is not used in the passage, not just St John's many antichrists.

By the bye, the grail IS mentioned - the cup they were using at the seder. We just do not know what happened to it - if anyoine was seeking in, they doubtless assumed one of the guests had put it in a safe place.

The Hebrew scriptures are filled with -malachim- (task doers, God's errand boys) which is translated as angels into English.

ruveyn

They also cover that in the article.

False prophet or the beast. Either one has a specific title. Antichrist isn't a specific title but rather a generalized title for a group. I'm an antichrist.

Again, read the article. It's fun.

I admire Cracked for that. It is consistently both hilarious and educational. I often learn something real (while laughing) about science, history or religion when reading some of their articles.

Genesis 19:1
And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground;

Well thats number 1 proved wrong.

Revelation 12:3 an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.
Revelation 12:9 The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan,

Admittedly he isnt shown with goat legs or a pitchfork, I think thats from artists renditions, but it appears he is red and has horns!

Correct regarding number 3, its not mentioned allthough the Holy Grail is suppossed to be the cup that Jesus passed at the last supper, and the cup is mentioned. Matthew 26:27 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;

2 John 1:7 I say this because many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.

Regarding the Anti-Christ however, the Bible tends to use the word Anti-Christ, not to refer to an individual, allthough thier is a scripture which says, "you have heard that the anti-christ is coming", but to anybody who is against Christ so uses the term anti-christs. The original poster from a Biblical point of view be termed an anti-christ.

Matthew 10:28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Hell however, has had its meaning changed somewhat, from the Biblical Hades or abode of the dead, to a Catholic bogeyman of eternal torture if you didnt become a catholic, the word means hole in the ground but just as the word Gay used to mean happy and bright, but now means homosexual, the word Hell has a differnat meaning than originally intended.

Gehenna, the lake of fire more fits the modern notion of a hell, but still its not a place of eternal torment, but of complete distruction, in Revelation both death and hell itself are thrown in the lake of fire, symbolising there will no longer be such conditions.

i sometimes think to post things (like this exact article) to see what ppr would have to say in a discussion about it.

i never do it because so many posters here won't actually click a link for a serious source i doubt many would click a link for a humor article.

i wouldn't even mind a severely literal minded aspie dissecting the points and pulling out mistakes and inaccuracies. i'd probably find that even funnier than the actual article.


maybe you needed to put a disclaimer in that cracked.com is an infocomedy site?

are there aspies that don't love infocomedy? well, i guess i can see how some of us might be a bit too literal minded to enjoy some of the jokes...

@Janissy it's infotainment!

If you read the actual piece, it isn't. When they say angels, they mean like how the renaissance artists portrayed them. Like cherubim being babies: not in the bible. Looking human and dressed in modern soldiers' garb: not in the bible.

You'd do better to read it.

Not sure what you mean here?

The two angels that came to visit Lot, where angels, but indistinguishable from ordinary men, that is why the men of Lot wanted to have sex with them and Lot offered his daughters instead.
Elsewhere in the Bible angels have appeared as ordinary men, only percieved as angels after some action.

Other times angels have appeared in maybe a truer form, like beings of powerfull light and where breathing becomes difficult in thier prescence.

I dont recall angels being portrayed as having wings, but Seraphim do, six of them each, and Cherubim also, the two angels above the Mercy Seat on the Ark of the Covernant had wings that streached out over the ark and touched each other, they where Cherubim, the Devil also was a Cherub.

The articles correct about the misportrayal of Angels in art and literature, one Angel killed 185,000 Assyrian soldiers in one night.