Modern attitudes to death, conventions and etiquette.

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Farnborough Airshow is an air show that was at one point exclusively for the British Aviation Industry, which was world renowned. At its height just after the war there were dozens of companies producing planes, the test pilots where well known and idolized like footballers are today. Often they were testing new prototypes at the show that had not had extensive testing.

In 1952 one such pilot John Derry flew such a plane a DH.110. He did a supersonic flypast, then performed a climb, the plane broke up, into multiple pieces injuring spectators, one engine was particularly devastating killing 29 spectators standing on an observation hill. Ambulances began clearing the area of victims.

The the runway was cleared, the show continued.

The other test pilots who all knew John, wanted to continue and the management too. The next day more people came to see Neville Duke fly the Hawker Hunter supersonic.

In light of that I wonder what you think in comparison to modern attitudes?

It is interesting hearing these historical fallacies being said like the myth of increased violence, and life being cheap now. if anything this couldn't be further from the truth.

Publicly at least we have extremely high standards now.

I wonder what you feel about tragedy that is not directly related to you, assuming that you do identify with some loss, do you feel obliged to stick to etiquette, or show reverence, or do you think getting on with you life is a better way?

It is also interesting that the tragedies that people find most touching aren't necessarily related to numbers , but much more around the nature of the event and the extent they feel the victim are vulnerable.

Also it doesn't always cross cultural barriers, responses can be more muted, and empathy much more selective.

I take your point, but asking the question I'm obviously interested in individual responses. I simply asked people what they thought. However those that are smart are more capable of observing human behavior than they think, and any observations are a bonus. Observation/analysis isn't the same as reactive inherent behavior, and in some respect it is more of an "understanding" than inherent behviour even if lacks the responsiveness.

One of the mistakes that some 'spectrum folk' make is to over estimate the uniqueness of being different, like they are the only one that thinks differently. I regularly encounter fallacious views about so called 'NT's. The other misconception is assuming by being on the spectrum you sharing a common way of thinking. There is a cognitive bias where two people get false validation of perceived common experiences, due to how perception works and in describing that experience, there can be something that the other identifies with, giving this possibly false impression. This applies particularly to people coming to a support group for specific neurotypes.

As human we are very similar biologically, however that isn't so significant here. It doesn't matter that doesn't mean you are going to think exactly like me. In fact if we are going to go by that simplistic NTs vs ASD theory, then if anything you might reasonably say we are even less likely to think the same.

So if I get independent view I'd be OK with that. What else?

I don't feel any emotional reaction to "statistic" deaths, or accidents. I don't get upset when I hear about children who have died after being sexually abused by their parents.

A long term classmate of mine died when we were 14, on a Saturday. I didn't have an emotional reaction until the following Wednesday.

When a celebrity I admire dies (like Ravi Shankar) I feel some sadness, and I will hope that they rest in peace.

I will show simple reverence at public displays of mourning- I walk past a church every day so I see quite a few funerals- and I don't disrespect Remembrance Day, even though I feel it has been politically hijacked in recent years and turned into a propaganda machine for our recent foreign conflicts.

Great response thank you.

I'm also a big Ravi Shankar fan (not so much as a celebrity but as a musician), and went to his fairwell tour concert. I did consider back then that he might be close to death, so it was an opportunity of a life time for me, and it didn't disappoint. I saw he was frail I though it would die then and there, yet he found energy seemingly from nowhere.

I wasn't devastated, but I did think I would be having anticipated death those last years. I sort of forgot about it, then he died. I feel ok about it, not sad.

One interesting thing about the public response to his death was that there was acknowledgment of the the cultural differences toward death, and possibly Ravi's own beliefs. In fact people who called his death a 'tragic loss' were told off. I kind of like that. he has a massive legacy, of course it is shame he is not here to continue, but how am I to begrudge a 92 year old man his death, which he probably quite looked forward to.

I will show quiet reverence, although will avoid situations that involve elaborate rituals, as I finding hard to be sincere in that context. However if I sense that there an open to be open about death, I'd talk about it, because i have no real qualms about it. What I'm not very good at is consoling, I basically don't, I'd rather leave them alone.

Personally I think that I try to be helpful but also get out of the way, when someone I know well who has has a bereavement. I canceled some class, for someone recently for this reason,. I suppose I would only try to 'help' if there is a shared context, like were you have related responsibility. The help is merely because they have a lot to organize. But otherwise it is just crass.

Personally some reverence, and a tolerance of a little ritual is ok, but even with a great deal of respect for the person, I wouldn't want to drop everything, I would carry on with what I was doing. Just not in a brash way. It is only if I was emotionally incapacitated I would stop.

The delayed reaction thing is not that uncommon apparently. Many people just don't automatically switch on to grief. If something is sudden, you don't necessarily react. I think many people may try an fake it, out of convention.

'Emotional constipation' is something I can definitely identify with.

I'm not morning my grandfather who died recently, granted he was never a big part of my life. When my other grandfather died when I was a kid I wonder how much genuine grief there was, and how much was the being caught up in the ritual. However my father I will definitely miss him.

I've always had a very 'cold' reaction to death. The first and only time I was upset by death was when I realised what it was, at the ae of three. My great uncle died and I realised that people could go away forever. After that, I only feel a bit sad for the people left behind - never upset that someone died, per se. I get upset about people being abused, but not really about them dying. I never feel moved by reports of death in the news, just by reports of rape, torture and disease.

I can't even fake it. I worry people will think I'm a psychopath, sometimes - but faking it is beyond my abilities and it makes me feel sick to think about even trying. I see it as disrespectful to the dead person's memory to fake grief. It would be to total opposite of what I'd want after I die.

As a child, I used to privately think of funerals as FUN-erals. This due to the buffet meal that followed, and the adults' habit of letting the kids play unsupervised in a separate room/area.

When I was 10 and my family was away on vacation, we got a call in the middle of the night to say that my grandmother was dying. We started getting ready to go home at once. I was not happy about getting up in the middle of the night. I said, "What's the hurry? She'll probably be dead before we get there, anyway." I had a really fun time playing with my cousins in the funeral home during visitation. I remember I got to wear a new outfit that I really liked. I don't remember ever feeling sad, even though my grandmother had lived nearby and I'd seen her every week or so for my entire life.

I did feel really sad whenever a childhood pet died, though. I guess that counts for something.