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What will happen to the RCC when Benny snuffs it?

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Tequila
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26 Jan 2013, 10:08 am

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Who Could Replace Pope Benedict?
  • What happens to the Roman Catholic Church (and who comes next) if anything happens to Pope Benedict.
When Pope Benedict XVI broke his wrist in the middle of the night last week, the world was reminded rather suddenly of his age (82), his potential frailty, and the possibility that, some time in the not too distant future, the Roman Catholic Church could be looking once again to choose a new Successor of Peter.

Thankfully, for many Catholics, the accident was pretty minor. The pope apparently fell in his bedroom during the early hours Friday morning, getting up in the dark to use the bathroom. Characteristically, he didn't make a fuss and didn't call his assistants but went straight back to bed. Only when he came down for mass in the morning did he tell anyone what had happened. His personal physician, Patrizio Polisca, ordered him to the hospital, where doctors surgically repaired a fracture in the pope's right wrist.

But Benedict is one of the oldest men to have become pontiff. And he keeps an exhausting schedule. What if something more serious were to happen to him? Who could his potential successors be? Drawing up a list is never easy, but a roster of papabili, or "popeable" candidates, might look something like this:

The son of a truck driver, Scola is the bookies' favorite. He is well regarded for his energetic preaching and theological expertise. An eminent scholar, he has striven to find ways to avoid a "clash of civilizations" by building a forum for dialogue between the West and Islam. If elected, the 67-year-old would follow three patriarchs of Venice who went on to become pope in the 20th century: Pius X, John XXIII, and John Paul I.

I haven't a clue who it will be, but I hope whoever it is remains just as hilarious as this one, and all the previous Popes. Heaven forbid if they stop being so ridiculous for those of us with a sense of dry humour.



Fnord
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26 Jan 2013, 1:08 pm

What happens when the Capo of any organized criminal organization takes the big sleep?

There is a struggle for power that makes our presidential elections look like poetry readings.

Fortunately, the RCC keeps all of their arguments behind closed doors.


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Tequila
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26 Jan 2013, 1:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
Fortunately, the RCC keeps all of their arguments behind closed doors.


They don't half pick some sinister looking guys though, and when they get old they keep them on until they literally are dying.

Anyone remember The Dribbler?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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26 Jan 2013, 1:24 pm

Tequila wrote:
Quote:
Who Could Replace Pope Benedict?
  • What happens to the Roman Catholic Church (and who comes next) if anything happens to Pope Benedict.
When Pope Benedict XVI broke his wrist in the middle of the night last week, the world was reminded rather suddenly of his age (82), his potential frailty, and the possibility that, some time in the not too distant future, the Roman Catholic Church could be looking once again to choose a new Successor of Peter.

Thankfully, for many Catholics, the accident was pretty minor. The pope apparently fell in his bedroom during the early hours Friday morning, getting up in the dark to use the bathroom. Characteristically, he didn't make a fuss and didn't call his assistants but went straight back to bed. Only when he came down for mass in the morning did he tell anyone what had happened. His personal physician, Patrizio Polisca, ordered him to the hospital, where doctors surgically repaired a fracture in the pope's right wrist.

But Benedict is one of the oldest men to have become pontiff. And he keeps an exhausting schedule. What if something more serious were to happen to him? Who could his potential successors be? Drawing up a list is never easy, but a roster of papabili, or "popeable" candidates, might look something like this:

The son of a truck driver, Scola is the bookies' favorite. He is well regarded for his energetic preaching and theological expertise. An eminent scholar, he has striven to find ways to avoid a "clash of civilizations" by building a forum for dialogue between the West and Islam. If elected, the 67-year-old would follow three patriarchs of Venice who went on to become pope in the 20th century: Pius X, John XXIII, and John Paul I.

I haven't a clue who it will be, but I hope whoever it is remains just as hilarious as this one, and all the previous Popes. Heaven forbid if they stop being so ridiculous for those of us with a sense of dry humour.

I am pretty sure it will be a Cardinal from Spain or Latin America.



ruveyn
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26 Jan 2013, 1:33 pm

The RCC will go back to recycling old overweight Italians.

ruveyn



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26 Jan 2013, 2:11 pm

I found this piece:
http://www.businessinsider.com/meet-the ... 012-4?op=1

Based on it, my guess would be one of these.

- Marc Ouellet (Quebec)
- Peter Turkson (Ghana)
- Angelo Scola (Italy)

Last time I checked, Turkson was a big name in the previous Conclave. But with him, the Catholic stance on homosexuality and the fight against HIV in Africa would likely become even more embarrassing.

But wasn't Fnord appointed pope in another thread already? Ooh, another Great Schism in the making!

I'll go get popcorn.



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26 Jan 2013, 2:14 pm

GGPViper wrote:
But wasn't Fnord appointed pope in another thread already? Ooh, another Great Schism in the making!

I'm still waiting for the bunny hat, the silk bathrobe, the curly-toed slippers, and the 70 virgin female bikini models to be delivered...


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visagrunt
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28 Jan 2013, 2:33 pm

GGPViper wrote:
I found this piece:
http://www.businessinsider.com/meet-the ... 012-4?op=1

Based on it, my guess would be one of these.

- Marc Ouellet (Quebec)
- Peter Turkson (Ghana)
- Angelo Scola (Italy)

Last time I checked, Turkson was a big name in the previous Conclave. But with him, the Catholic stance on homosexuality and the fight against HIV in Africa would likely become even more embarrassing.

But wasn't Fnord appointed pope in another thread already? Ooh, another Great Schism in the making!

I'll go get popcorn.


I love that Business Insider is making book on the papabile.


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Tequila
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28 Jan 2013, 3:56 pm

Fnord wrote:
I'm still waiting for the bunny hat, the silk bathrobe, the curly-toed slippers, and the 70 virgin female bikini models to be delivered...


You are a sick pervert, my disgusting man.

What do you want with virgin female bikini models? Sure you'd rather they knew what they were doing instad? Extra pleasure.

And yes, I can't respect a man who wears a ludicrous semi-circle on his ignorant, stupid head.



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28 Jan 2013, 4:03 pm

Tequila wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I'm still waiting for the bunny hat, the silk bathrobe, the curly-toed slippers, and the 70 virgin female bikini models to be delivered...
You are a sick pervert, my disgusting man.

Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?

Tequila wrote:
What do you want with virgin female bikini models? Sure you'd rather they knew what they were doing instad? Extra pleasure.

For it is written: "Raise up a woman according to thine own desire, and she will never depart from it."

Tequila wrote:
And yes, I can't respect a man who wears a ludicrous semi-circle on his ignorant, stupid head.

That's why I want a bunny hat ... a fluffy, furry, pink bunny hat.


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Tequila
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28 Jan 2013, 4:07 pm

Fnord wrote:
Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?


I'll take the non-virgin ladies off your hands. Well, the ones that make the choice to be with me. I don't believe in sleeping with women who don't want it. They're missing out on all the fun, and that can't be forced.

Fnord wrote:
For it is written: "Raise up a woman according to thine own desire, and she will never depart from it."


Verily and lo, it is also written that the same can apply to ladies.

Fnord wrote:
That's why I want a bunny hat ... a fluffy, furry, pink bunny hat.


Are you going to cook and eat that delicious rabbit as well? Be a shame to waste it.



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28 Jan 2013, 4:29 pm

Fnord wrote:
Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?


Can I be the Prefect for the Congregation of Monastic Discipline? I'm happy to take those young men off your hands for you. ;)


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28 Jan 2013, 5:02 pm

visagrunt wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?


Can I be the Prefect for the Congregation of Monastic Discipline? I'm happy to take those young men off your hands for you. ;)

:shameonyou: No intimacy between two (or more) *adults*, please. This is a decent church...



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28 Jan 2013, 6:03 pm

GGPViper wrote:
visagrunt wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?
Can I be the Prefect for the Congregation of Monastic Discipline? I'm happy to take those young men off your hands for you. ;)
:shameonyou: No intimacy between two (or more) *adults*, please. This is a decent church...

Correction: Physical intimacy between two (or more) *consenting* adults is permissible. This is a loving church.


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GGPViper
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28 Jan 2013, 6:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
GGPViper wrote:
visagrunt wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Thank you! Would you like to lead my College of Cardinals?
Can I be the Prefect for the Congregation of Monastic Discipline? I'm happy to take those young men off your hands for you. ;)
:shameonyou: No intimacy between two (or more) *adults*, please. This is a decent church...

Correction: Physical intimacy between two (or more) *consenting* adults is permissible. This is a loving church.

I thought up a really snarky response to that, but the "No rape jokes" rule applies...