Homosexuality, Gayness, Lesbian and Bisexuality...

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I'm not sure where this is suppose to go, but I thought I'd post here sense well it does have to do with religiousness and stuff like that. Well I'm a female. So what if I might be starting to like females? I know that I like males for sure and I always will, but females now seem like they could be a bit interesting to me now as well. I'm trying so hard to avoid not to feel interested in them, but then I just start thinking or dreaming about it again and it scares the life out of me. My mom just tells me that its the Devil who makes people feel attracted to the same sex. I've always tried my best to be the perfect Christian and just about all the bad things you can think of I don't do them. I'm pure, clean and on just about everything. I mean I'm not trying to say that I'm better then anyone else, because clearly you can see now that I'm even having trouble with a sinful thing like this and I just don't know what to do. In a way I still feel that liking the same sex is disgusting while it still also seems a bit interesting to me and I've never done nothing with a girl neither have I with a guy. Like I said I'm really a nice, clean girl. So why would a really, nice clean girl like me start having problems with stuff like this? I don't mean to offend anyone by anything I just said. So please don't get mad at me. I'm just kind of feeling really freaky right now and scared and I even get afraid to have female friends now, cause what if I accidentally fell in love with one of them? Because I know its quite possible even though I have never fell in love with a female, but my feeling just keep getting stronger when I think about females these days and I've been struggling with this since I was 19 and now I'm 23. Other Christians think its not possible to fall in love with the same sex, but I believe it is.

Do you feel you choose to be attracted to men as you feel you do women? Why would god create an imperfect person? Why would he create a person doomed to Hell? Do not be ashamed of who you are, do you hurt others? What sin have you committed? The only person you hurt is yourself by repressing your true feelings. How can love be evil?

I didn't really just choose to be attracted to men or even women. The feeling suddenly just came upon me out of the blue one day, cause I've always been attracted to men. Just it wasn't until I was 19 that I started thinking about women, how attractive they look and how they make me feel. I feel that they're sweet, cute and beautiful. Is that wrong? Before I really act on my feelings. I'm trying to make sure so that I don't make a mistake. No, I never hurt others. I'm always a nice, sweet, caring and I'm an honest person just because I know that's how God would want me to be. I know that dishonestly is a sin. So if someone ever asked me about my sexuality. I'd have to be honest which I've never been caught up in a tough situation like that just yet. I've tried to think of as being bisexual would be sinful just like drinking, taking drugs, smoking or not saying bad words, which I also don't do. I've found that its not so easy holding back on being bisexual as much as I do on those other sins that I just said and I also don't participate in premarital sex and I was naturally waiting for marriage before I done that, but with a man of course and in same sex relationships they just go ahead and have sex before marriage which makes things even more confusing for me. Of course in most states same sex marriages are banned and forbidden which is of course one reason why they just go ahead and have sex before marriage, but even if they weren't forbidden it'd probably still be a sin to have sex even after marriage wouldn't it? I'm also starting to believe that many of the people who say that you can't fall in love with the same sex are many of the straight or other Christian people and how would they really know when they've never even been attracted to the same sex? Its kind of stupid of them. I mean who are they to say that you can't fall in love with the same sex. They'd never possibly understand if they're straight. How would they deal with it if they were attracted to the same sex? I wonder if its quite possible for anyone to go through their whole life trying to be straight when they're really not. Is it actually possible for me to do that?

I am not a believer, so my reply may seem a little cynical.

You would obviously be uncomfortable breaking the rules of your religion, but perhaps you should make sure what those rules actually say.
Maybe google "exact biblical quotes against homosexuality" and see how many interpretations there are.
Remember that the exact wording has been translated for many years through many languages.
For example, I have heard that "easier for a camel to go through through the eye of a needle" should be "Kamel" or rope, which would make more sense.

I personally find it strange that any form of love and caring for another person could be an offence.

f**k the Bible. You're 23 years old now and shouldn't let your mom dictate for you what to accept as truth.

Well she's very important to me and we're really close. We always have been. She was almost about to freak out when I was telling her that I sort of had feelings for women and I mean REALLY bad, as much as to the point that she could start screaming and well I don't wanna disappoint her either just as I especially don't want to disappoint God and be casted away to Hell. I'm so scared. Also my mother keeps saying that I could fight these feelings if I really tried and thinking that if I prayed hard enough. Every time I'm around women though its always going to be stuck in my head. So what will I do about that? She's straight so how would she really understand how I felt? I feel so stuck here. Me, a good Christian confused about her sexuality and doesn't know what to do and my mom especially isn't a good help right now. She just keeps making me feel like crap.

Yes.

Youve got alot on your plate.

It might be just a phase, or it might be that you really are lesbian. Either would be okay. But either way you need time to sort it out. And your mom obviously isnt much help.

The two of you need something like a marriage counselor to sort it out between the two of you.

Are you sure you're not starting to feel that way out of some sort of curiosity? I mean, I bet I could probably start feeling that women were attractive if I kept thinking about it a lot. Like how little kids can start being afraid of monsters under the bed if they start out thinking about there being monsters under the bed, despite having come up with the idea on their own and being certain that there's no such thing at first. You can tell yourself something and it reinforces your belief in it.

Still, the others are right in that you shouldn't just let your mom decide who you are. Respect and listen to your parents, sure, but be your own person. Whatever you do, it should be what you think God wants you to do, not just what your mom wants.

Yeah but funnily enough I just can't find Jo Brand attractive, no matter how hard I try. Sorry.



Without the God stuff, you're spot on. In Christianity, everyone is going to Hell, which makes it sound a rather miserable cult.

How's the Classical Arabic project coming on? I'm interested to know how you get on with it.

OP: If you find women attractive, you find them attractive. Just go with what you like. If something pleases you, it pleases you. If you like baked beans, you don't call yourself a bakedbeanophile. You just like baked beans.

If you can, talk to other people besides your mum about your sexuality. Your sexuality is none of her business.

Last edited by Tequila on 19 Mar 2013, 7:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

First, don't come out until you're absolutely sure about this and there's no way around it.

Second, if it'll make you happy in the long run, go for it. If you'll be just as happy in a relationship that doesn't rock the boat, play around a bit and then go for that option.

We've gotten used to (in this country, at least) belittling people because they don't agree with gayness. Looking at it from their pov, though, you being gay means that you are likely going to be parted in the afterlife and will suffer for all eternity, in their eyes. So cut your mom some slack, and don't throw it around on a whim. If you feel you must, however, don't hesitate.

Great! Where do I sign up?

This

You might want to look into Christian denominations that aren't bigoted against gays. They exist. There are also resources for LGBT Christians. I'm not a Christian, so I'm no expert on them, but a little search turned up this, which might be a start.

Gay Christian Network link

Good luck and don't let people pressure you into believing that a loving God would create people with various attractions to each other, then want to us to burn in eternal torture for having them. That's silly, sadistic fantasy concocted by imperfect men.

I'm not going to say anything about Christianity and its attitude to homosexuality here, as I'm not Christian, but I'll make a few general comments. Firstly, I think you're doing the right thing by exploring this. If you've felt this way for 4 years sweeping it under the carpet will not magically make it go away. One thing to consider would be exactly why you feel it's "disgusting". Secondly, dismissing it as "work of the Devil" will not help either. It's great that you're so close to your mother, but I'm afraid she's of no help to you in this case, because as you say, she really cannot understand what you feel. There are other people you could talk to about this, though, including Christians. You're certainly not the only Christian woman to have feelings for women, despite what "they say". Clearly, it's not accepted in that community, so nobody will openly admit to being a homosexual. And a finally, to echo what Tequila wrote, it's not necesary to put a label on yourself. Incidentally, in the days when the Bible was written there was no concept of "heterosexual/homosexual person", only "heterosexual/homosexual activity", ie. it was something people did, not something people were.

Your creator made you as you are. If you believe in an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God, then it is a necesary conclusion from that belief that God knows about your attractions and means for you to have them.

Now, it's up to you--not your mother, not your priest or pastor--to decide on your relationship with God. It's up to you to decide whether your sexuality is a gift to be celebrated, or a test to be passed. Some people turn to their faith, alone, and deny their sexuality. Some people abandon their faith. Some, find a way to reconcile the two.

I don't say which is the right answer, but I do say that you are perfectly capable of rationalizing your faith and your sexuality. You will find the answer that is right for you.

To ease your mind: the Bible doesn't say anything against Lesbianism. Only male homosexuality. Lesbians get a free pass.