Is it sexist to use the word "girl" in reference to adult

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I had a long discussion with someone on this message board who thinks it is sexist to use the word "girl" when I am referring to an adult female in her 20-s. To me it sounds like a common usage that both genders use, but she seems to think thats not the case. In any case, let me make a poll to find out.

I'd suggest it would be more "ageist" rather than sexist...As I understand it, it's a term (at least until recently) used to describe a female either of (significantly?) younger age than the person using the term, or a child. The term "boy" is used in a similar manner with regards to males (pool boy, "toy boy", etc.).

Even among females, though, it is commonly used - "girl friend" rather than "female friend" or "lady friend" (or simply friend).

There is the school of thought that "it's ok, but only if you also call males the same age 'boys'". Which always made sense to me.

But its not an issue that I think about much. But now that I am asked to think about it again this occurs to me- when you hear folks talk about people of say college age - they dont usually say EITHER "girls and boys", or "women and men". They usually say "girls and guys". Males have this word "guy" thats neither as patronizing as "boy", nor as high status as "man" as a label. At least in American English. So if you use "guy" then "girl" is ok for females I suppose.

Among NTs its contextual when dealing with females Vs males.

For older males you can't use boy to address somebody in singular after the age of 12 unless its plural like "lets call the boys"

However for females you have to remember that while they want to be "grown women" after 18 they call each other "girls" because its a sign they are still young physically and young at heart.

But yeah, if you are a male and you call a 20 something a "girl" it also depends on the context. I don't think a 20 yr old would care if it's "girls like you like" but if its more direct like "you are a girl so..." then it comes across as you are lbelling her as immature or undeveloped so you need to be careful.

It is contextual, right? You should not infantilize people, and women tend to be at greater risk of not being taken seriously.

My mind goes to a particular scene in the movie 10 Cloverfield Lane where I think they are playing a guessing game or, and the guy is using the female star to get a clue for Little Women, and the owner of the bunker can only think of words like girl, child and princess. This scene has this strength of showing how even scary infantilization through word association.

There can be times that words like boy and girl can be used with adults, but should be avoided in circumstances where it can come across as condescending. It can happen also with women calling men boys, in ways that can come across treating them like children.

It depends on how it's used,it's the same with "boy" it can be used to emasculate someone,boy also used to be a racist term from the Jim Crow era.But in the Thin Lizzy song "The Boys are back in town" I don't see it as a problem.

I'm a woman in my mid twenties, and I think calling someone my age a girl would be inappropriate. Not sexist, but also not okay... or well, I suppose that if someone calls women in their twenties girls but doesn't call men of the same age boys, then it could be counted as sexist? Anyway, I accept elderly relatives (as in 60+) who've known me since I was a baby calling me a girl, but other than that, it sounds very belittleling, especially if the person saying it is younger than my parents. It's also slightly more acceptable for me when the one saying it refers to those older than themselves as "girls" and "boys" as well, like my former superior who was in her forties and called our clients, men in their late sixties or early seventies, "boys." I didn't exactly like being called a girl, but since she spoke like that to everyone, I didn't let it bother me too much.

One answer that women around here tend to do when they're called girls by someone older is to start referring to the callers as elders, the Finnish world for "uncle" being the most popular as it doesn't only refer to someone blood related but also to an older man in general. Apparently, it's a good way to get older men to stop using the word "girl", at least face to face.

Its also a generational thing. In the 1940-50s my mother was called "girlie" by male cousins, uncles and her father. Nobody would dare call a woman that now but if my grandad was still alive today he would call mum "Girlie" and mum would see it as a term of affection.

I agree that "sexist" is a strong word and "uncomfortable" might be a better place to start exploring the topic. I don't go around telling NTs who don't understand AS and are uncomfortable and have an inappropriate response that they are "ableist" (although they kind of are, eh?)

This is a really hot topic for me as I am dealing with unconscious bias at work.

Where I grew up, women in their 20s were called "young women" or "young ladies", so now that I am in the Midwest, the use of "girls" is odd (and is applied to woman well over 30 - where is the line drawn?) and unfortunately the only time it has been used to directly refer to me has been meant to put me in my place. At work, the Northeast employees already moved from "guys" and "gals" (rather than "girls"). There are regional variances to be sure.

I've been reading about Martin Luther King Jr and psychologists consider the once common practice of referring to black people as "boys" and "girls" (in certain regions) as oppressive. Of course back then "everybody" used it (in certain regions) and it was "acceptable" --- would the people back then have said it was "racist" or simply "that's how it is"? Imagine the person from Alabama visiting New York (or Europe) in those times --- regardless of skin color, it was culture shock (in a good or bad way depending on their perspective).

So take young women from the Northeast and stick them in the Midwest: Culture shock, not in a good way. It's interesting to watch how the women from the Midwest who have lived in outside cultures handle it when they come back. That's telling. And no, they don't tell their fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and friends that they are "sexist" - they start modelling, mirroring and questioning.

Is there really that much difference in use of language between, say, Boston and Indianapolis? I would have expected this to be fairly consistent across the country. This is obviously tied to general acceptance of Feminism, which I would think is basically the same everywhere. If there's any difference, I would expect it to be more urban vs. rural than regional (even when you take the Bible Belt into account).

My whole life's social conditioning? Very few women want to be called a 'woman' or worse 'lady' - that it makes them sound or feel old, 'girl' is virtually a complement in comparison.

Yep, that's where I'm at.

We're also the part of the country where any plurality of people, even a group of women default to 'Hey gice! hey gice!'.

There's definitely a generational aspect to this. I was 32 when I met my wife who was 5 years younger. I thought of her as a "girl" at the time, and thought of everyone else I had previously gotten involved with in some way as a "girl", although perhaps less so if they had been previously married or were significantly older than I. When I was 22 I dated a 28-year-old and I probably did think of her as a "woman" as in "older woman", although 10 years later I might have thought of her as a "girl". I am not trying to defend that, it's just how my "inner language" worked at that time. At age 22, I definitely did not think of myself as a man. I couldn't honestly tell you at what age I started thinking of my wife and myself as a "man" and a "woman". There was no conscious decision but I suspect it probably happened around the time we became parents.

OTOH I have always assumed that my son, who met his wife when they were both 20, has always though of our daughter-in-law as a "woman" but I will never know for certain.

I usually use a person's name when referring to them... Have I misunderstood something?

I don't think it's sexist but I think it's best to only use the words boy and girl to refer to children and man and woman to refer to adults so people aren't confused about the difference between an adult and a child.

There is a big difference between Boston and Indianapolis.
If you drive to those cities,remembah to use yah blinkah.LOL

I've stayed in both cities and noticed multiple differences, but never got the impression I was experiencing two distinct cultures.