Homosexuality - "coming out the closet"

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It's not that he's unwilling to talk, he just truly doesn't care. He'll talk, but he won't speak with enthusiasm or in any way try to empathise with me. Instead, he just listens and sometimes even argues against me (he somewhat agrees with my parent's "it's just a phase" thought. I don't think he's actually started having any sexual/sexuality thoughts yet. Then again, I wouldn't know.)...



Same here. The only reason I can trust him is because he is, unlike many people I know, an honest person that, in my eyes, can keep a secret. Sadly, he's the only friend I know that hasn't betrayed me or blurted out information about me at some point...



Maybe, but I have no idea how to approach them once again with it so that they get past the stereotype that, in my eyes, it's not a phase while not breaking their heart at the same time. As for their rigid views, they are often relatively supportive of homosexuality etc. but, in my eyes, not so much so if it is found in the family. I would wonder whether they, themselves, are homophobic...



No Problem.



Thank you. You may have opened my eyes to why some people aren't posting. Thank you for trying. As for the Connexions e-mail, I sent it over a week ago and have received no reply whatsoever yet... I am growing doubtful of whether or not i will get a reply... This is mostly the reason I am searching for someone, anyone, to turn to for guidance and/or support.

I've found the lesbian section on About.com rather helpful, and I thought you might want to take a look at the bit for gay guys.

http://gaylife.about.com/

It does have links to parts about sex, and I suppose at your age that could be annoying, but there's some good information on coming out and dealing with reactions, along with some stories.
Here's the coming out part.

http://gaylife.about.com/od/comingout/u ... omeout.htm


Edit: There's also a section for GLBT teens.

Thanks. My friend came over today. Through subtle hinting and questioning, I've came to the conclusion that he's either "straight" with some very strange homosexual habits (E.G: Enjoyment from flirtatious actions towards males) or he's not telling me the full truth and is most certainly either "gay" or "bi".

When I ask him if he is "gay", he always hesitates and responds in a happy, cheery way... He admits that he finds it somewhat "fun" to do flirtatious actions towards others, but denies being gay because, in his eyes, "I have a girlfriend and think anal is disgusting". I asked him what he would do if his best friend (which is not me) were to "come out" to him. He said he'd say "Whatever floats your boat". He was pretty much openly playing with himself throughout the conversation...

As much as I try, I cannot really decipher this all that well. Any ideas? Should I just give it up? I am so tempted to tell him myself, but I fear he'll just blab to everyone (not to mention, my parents prohibit me to). Ideas? Advice? Anything - even if not related to this visit - would be a huge help.

Hmm...well, why do you think he'll blab to everyone? Does he have trouble keeping secrets?

Also, sorry, I meant to post a link to the teens section, but I forgot. http://gayteens.about.com/

I would assume so, yet, I have never actually told him a secret - so I would not know. That's probably the reason. The fear of not knowing.

Maybe you could try telling him a different "secret", something you don't really mind people knowing, and see if he tells people.

Perhaps I could try. Thank you for the advice.

Brilliant news. School today, and he's seemed to maybe slightly think about what I'm getting at with all this questioning. He mentioned, with a smile on his face (Although this may not be a relevant sign, he was licking his lips slightly), "You'd actually like it if I was gay, wouldn't you?". I just hummed in a slightly high tone, as if to say "Yes". He did a small chuckle before tilting his head to the side. He then began to ask me questions about "What number I was on the Kinsey scale" etc. However, since I'd been made to promised my parents I wouldn't tell anyone else I was Gay, I had to give answers that are honest but vague, such as "I doubt I'm a 0".

I think I trust him enough to tell him, but it's hard to fully conclude whether he is trustworthy.

I feel guilty at the moment:

That e-mail somewhat put me off and left me slightly heartbroken, but I seem to merely think that I'm just getting too personal or word has gotten out and still feel the urge to keep pursuing it for some reason...

Am I doing the right thing here?

This seems quite confusing. To me, it sounds like he might also be gay, and he might have felt like he could come out to you yeasterday, but maybe since people stopped talking to him, he's scared that they know. It also sounds like he might fancy you: I remember reading somewhere that licking your lips around someone is a sign that you fancy them. (I've kind of got my own crush at the minute, so I've been looking at a lot of body language/flirting stuff lately. ) It definitely sounds like he knows you're gay, and he'd be good person to confide in, although of course, I'm not going to encourage you to disobey your parents. I think you should probably just keep talking to him normally for now, and see what he does; if he is gay, he's clearly not ready to say it.

My exact thoughts. As for confiding in him, it is tempting. However, to not disobey my parents, I will give subtle hints for now. To add more confusion, today (He sent me the E-mail 2 days ago) in Science, as he was walking by, he winked at me. Whether it was a flirty wink or a wink-wink I have no idea...

Lucky me, my parents are making it so much easier to disobey them by arguing with me. They blame it all on me, my book, my Aspergers and whatever else they can blame it on - and when I prove them wrong, they just act as I had never done so. then they ask "Do you have a crush on someone?!", I say "Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you who it is!". They next go into a big, old rant at how this unknown person, who she's met but does not know I have a crush on, could never in a million years be gay... Invalid argument, much?

Does anyone know where I can find a guide for defending my homosexual viewpoint against Christian/Catholic Parents?

There's actually a section devoted to that on the GLBT teens bit of the site I gave you a link to. Just click on "Combating Homophobia", and then scroll down until you find "What to Say When You Hear the Bible Opposes Being Gay".

I've been looking around for more, and I have found this very persuasive and informative article about Bible misinterpretations to do with homosexuality:
http://www.soulforce.org/article/homose ... -christian

I don't know if you'll want to read it all, as it's quite long, but it might be helpful to try and tell your parents some of the facts in there about homosexuality in the Bible. I think the fifth premise may be the most helpful section. Warning: this mentions hate crimes that were "justified" by Bible verses; it gets pretty depressing.

I'll let you know if I find anything else.

Thank you. As for this friend, I'm tempted to give up on him.He's blatantly said he is straight (in the e-mail above) and, at this current moment, is frantically trying to "get a girlfriend" (probably because the whole 'gay' thing, as he says, is going around school - despite none of his/my friends having heard such a thing...).

Anyway, I have no idea what to think anymore. His actions (described in previous posts), winking and constant compliments truly confuse me and, for that reason, I have decided to give it up. I'm getting no closer to finding out anything more about him, there's a huge wall of secrecy that I've been trying to break and I think this whole 'gay' thing, for him, is making him trust me less.

Anyway, to avoid myself going off-topic, is there any way now that I can find out more about my local GLBT/GLBTQ community? Connexions, after two e-mails, haven't replied; I've been given strict instruction off parents not to tell the school a word, my friend whom I have told has no idea what I am going through and I am currently going through a period of complete and utter confusion. I've been searching for ages, but haven't found a thing relating to my city about GLBT/GLBTQ Teenage 'hangouts' etc. Nor do i have any leads on who else in my class may be GLTBQ.

Well, I'm glad you're not dwelling on wondering about your friend. Even if he IS gay, that can't be very helpful if he's so confusing. Anyway, I've had a look for some stuff about the gay community in Carlisle, and I've found this. http://www.queeryouth.org.uk/community/ ... th%20Group

I know the contact is from Connexions and you're probably not very happy with them at the moment, but if you call one of the phone numbers, it might be better. The only way they could ignore you then would be by hanging up, which would be blatantly rude. I don't know much about this, but I hope it's of some help. For some reason, it seems quite hard to find stuff in your area.