Was I the one in the wrong?

Post Reply New Topic

So at the theatre I do, we were having out second rehearsal. And this little five year old who I was taking care of, threw a temper tantrum because she wanted to be in the vignette. I took her out into the lobby because I was going to get my mom to talk To her because she knows and likes my mom. Then this lady who is the mother of some of the other kids came out and ask the kids name and I told her and she starte being really rude and pulling the kid away from me. I was trying to bing her over to my mom And te lad was being rude and I'm like theres no need to be rude and she started yelling at me and being more rude, so of course I got kinda rude back, and I went to get my mom. By the time my mom got there the lady had calmed the kid down because I had  To calm down first. So then I go to my seat and I'm sitting down and she comes over and starts telling me how she wasn't being rude, I was ignoring her and she had to keep repeating herself, and had o take the kid and was being really rude so I stood up And walked away because I didn't want to get in anther argument... And she followed me, being still rude, and so I just left and my mom is taking me out of the play because I started crying. 

So was I the one in the wrong?

Okay, first off, there's a child safety issue. You don't want to see a stranger or someone not known well take away a child. From her perspective, you may have been a person not known well taking a child away. Now, from your perspective, she might be a person not know well taking a child away.

First glance, she seems like the one who was rude. She seems like the one who went overboard.

It seems like she jumped levels here. She seemed to lack middle skills.

Good for you for standing up and walking away. Now, walk towards people if possible. It's safer in the rare event of a fist fight. And also, it give you witnesses. She can expose herself as a rude and overbearing person and other people can think, Wow, this lady really went overboard.

And please try not to leave the play just because of one stupid person. Try and be open to another way.

Maybe ask your mother to be your advocate. Maybe your mother could say to this lady, 'If you need to say something to my daughter, you talk to me.' Now, we frequently tell younger people they need to fight their own battles, and that's not strictly true. In the book YOU CAN NEGOTIATE ANYTHING by Herb Cohen, he makes the point that what is good negotiation often precisely is getting someone else to negotiate on your behalf. I mean, presidents and mayors do this all the time.

Good luck whatever your decision about the play.

Thanks guys.

I managed to convince my mom to let me back in the play.

According to my mom, the woman also has social skills problems and tends to be a bit... Overbearing I guess? An my mom thinks when she came over when I wa sitting down and was explaining to me how she wasn't rude, I was ignoring her and she had to repeat herself and I was the one being rude(etc.), my mom thinks she honestly believed what she was saying and was trying to explain...

So I'm going to apologize for the misunderstand... But bleh. I'm tired of always being the one to apologize... I always apologize even when I feel that I'm right. I guess it's a good thing that I an do that though, because it's saved me from a lot of groundings. XD

I think this could have been handled better by both of you, but the lady was out of line when she pursued you to continue the argument after the kid was calmed down. I do agree with AardvarkGoodSwimmer, that you should have had your mom tell her that if she had anything to say to you, she should have gone through your mother.

I think with the initial incident, you should have had the lady come with you and the child to your mother, but, considering how obnoxious she was afterwards, it is possible she would have refused to do so, and instead would just have continued to give you a hard time, as she did do in fact.

I think this was a no win situation. Although the lady was right to be concerned about the kid, she was way out of line in how she handled it. Still it might help to have an adult take her aside and advise her to handle such incidents without rude behavior in the future, or better still, to call in one of the people in charge to handle things.

I'm sorry you had such a hard time with this lady. Been there, and done that so many times. I hope, though that you will reconsider, and stay with the theater group.

Okay, you're open to the idea that the lady herself might have some social skills deficients. That's good. Myself, it took me a long time (like into my 30s!) before I began to really wrap my mind around, hey I have patchy social skills, in some areas, I might have better social skills than a particular person.

And this is an example of the importance of giving someone space. You wanted to be alone. The lady should not have pursued you 'to make a point,' even if the point was really valid and factually accurate, which it sounds like it wasn't.

You don't want to give an apology you can't be sincere about, unless you really, really have to. The other side of the coin, she might not have the zen skill of graciously accepting an apology which she feels is not good enough. Yes, you want to respect her, one, as an adult, and two, as someone connected with the theatre program. But it gets tricky.

There's also the business principle of MIWJ. Which stands for Minimize Interaction With Jerks. And this lady did indeed act like a jerk.

So, all of this together, perhaps this approach: Be prepared to reciprocate if she apologizes to you. Graciously accept and then in turn give the apology you are ready to make. And the zen principle applies, whatever partial apology she gives, that's the best she can do at this time.