Don't know what to do.

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I'm writing this because I need some advice from some people who have been there and done that who can give me some good insight. I write because I have come to a point in my life where not having friendships in my life has taken its toll and really gotten me down.

I have not had a good group of friends since my sophmore year of High School. We had a falling out and that really affected me confidence wise. From then on, it seemed no matter how hard I tried I just could not make a friend. I try most days, but it just seems all for not. I have many strong acquaintances that could turn into friends, but it seems that I can't get to the next level. I realize that having Asperger's Syndrome has something to do with that and it is more frustrating than anything.

I feel like I am doing a lot of things right in my life, such as working my way through college and having a stable part time job, but it seems like I am never at peace with myself because I don't have that one good friend. I just feel like there is a huge hole and I have tried to fill that hole with things that I should not fill it with such as televison and eating.

I work hard to find the answer only to realize that there is never a great answer or a perfect one. I just wish that I would just get a little lucky. Now, I know better than most that you just can't wish for something. You have to go out a get it. Sometimes I just get tired of working so hard to gain so little socially or nothing at all. I just don't know what to do. I realize that I have a lot to give a friend and a romantic partner down the road, it just takes a special person to look past some of my social shortcomings.

Once people get to know me and I get to know them I have a ton to offer, its just getting through those initial stages. Its just tricky because I need somebody who is willing to just accept me for me. That I don't always want to converse all the time and I don't always have a lot to say, but just having someone to do things with on a day to day basis would do wonders for me.

I haven't been a member on this site for long, but by reading many people's posts I can tell that many of my fellow people with aspergers have friends and I would like some advice and encouragement from anybody at this point. Thanks.

Using instant messaging was the one way I kind of filled that void, having not had any real life friends the last 3-4 years. I kind of got lucky, the person who I would message back and forth with was much more assertive initiating contact with me than I with her. I know, connections like that usually don't fall in your lap, I don't know if I'll ever "get it".

Well as an aspie myself I have found when you try to go looking for things such as friends or girlfriends I have always failed, when I give up and just be me they appear from nowhere. Don't try just be yourself and try to modify any behaviour that can scare other people, I'm well liked by all my work colleagues and when a first marriage fell apart I was lucky to work with a group of women who liked me and encouraged me to date again as they told me I was actually quite handsome but very shy. It's hard being aspie but life will deal you opportunities take them, just relax chill out and be yourself don't go looking too hard just be you. I score very highly on the apsie scale and if I can have a reasonably good life you can as well.

My opinion on this topic is a pessimistic one. I understand how you feel. I've been in the same situation for more than half my life. If I ran through everything with you that I've tried to improve myself socially, I'd have to write a book. Focus on talents is all I can say. Even if you're not good at them, it can create a smokescreen in front of your face to cover up the fact that most of the people you know in person won't like you. That is, if your case is the same as mine. One step forward, two steps back, give up, move on.

Hello,

Well, I would say that you have all the right qualities for relationship intimacy, whether it be platonic or romantic. I do not know you, but you seem insightful, courageous and warm in the tone of your words......despite what you struggle with.

I have lived a life devoid of true companionship because I could not live in others worlds or lives. I lack a certain insight or "knowledge" of people that has a certain blackness to it. Suffice to say, I also had many acquaintances and romantic interests, but in essence they never went further than the perception of intimacy. I think I drove people mad.

It took 36 years to find a true love and friend. My fiance. And the reason is, is that he loves me just the way that I am......and am not.

I understand the loneliness........but in hindsight, it was not loneliness I grappled with, it was wanting desperately to be understood and loved anyway.

I only needed one........and I have it.

Take care, dear person........I think you have some wonderful love and companionship on its way.......love thyself, and good things will come to you.

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