I don't have a heart. Is it possible for me to get one?

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You can have my heart. I can do without it, for a while.

that's what I said, anyone wanting one can have mine. If I get hurt much more I don't think I can handle it.

~Kate

Thank you for all replies. They give me some directions when I have no idea where to go. And yeah, I wish I could ask the wizard of Oz for a nice heart too. If only it was that easy.

I tried apologizing to my parents today and I had no idea if it's effective or not. I fail at reading people. From what I gathered my mom sound probably bitter and resigned? I just know for sure that she answered me with 'you're just like this'. I'm pretty sure that there're more clues hidden in her body language, tone and voice. I just have no idea what they could be.

P.S. Thank you for the offer of your hearts, unfortunately it's impossible to take you up on your offers. Anyway, this will be one strange advice, but have you tried studying Buddhism or even meditation? I believe there's a whole section devoted to letting go of your feelings, good or bad. It's almost pure philosophy really.

I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I find that I have a hard time feeling emotions directly. When people I know have died, I rarely feel much of anything. I guess it's just a self preservation reaction. When people get very emotional around me, I either try to get away or I become very coldly rational, trying to counter balance their emotion. Often I find it hard to feel a whole lot of emotion (apart from depression) unless I am listening to music.

The emotion is there... I just don't always have easy access to it.

The Coen Brother's film "Miller's Crossing" deals with the duality of head and heart. Gabriel Byrne's character seems utterly emotionless throughout the film, yet in the closing shot, you can see that the emotion was always there, just inaccessible. You have to look past the gangster drama and pay attention to how the characters interact to get this part of the film.

Not being able to feel emotions directly does not mean you don't have them. You may have to try to find an intellectual approach to them. I have had to sometimes stop myself and think "What am I feeling here? And what am I expected to feel?" I suppose most NTs will not understand or appreciate someone who tries to explain their emotions (or lack thereof) in rational terms, but it may be the only honest way to do it.

In some ways the more extreme disconnect from the emotions in Aspies might be similar to "blind sight" Blind sight is a phenomena where a person is blind due to a neurological problem (their eyes still function, but the information doesn't get processed properly) and yet they are able to function in some ways as if they could see. Tests have been done that show these people being able to navigate mazes or react to an object tossed at them. What seems to be happening is that visual information gets to an unconscious part of the brain but never makes it to the conscious side.

Is is possible that emotions in people with autism don't always make it into consciousness? The emotions are there, just not always accessible. Taking an intellectual approach might be the only way to access what is there.

Good luck,

all you have to do is go the the butcher's, and there are hearts for sale there.
i have never got a heart because i do not like offal.

Well, I'm an agnostic so Buddhism and meditation aren't really that weird to me...and though I am not into the religious aspects, I am taking advantage of the ability to get some relief and that's more than ok with me. I think b9 was joking, btw

~Kate