Aspies and Self-harm

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I was only diagnosed with Asperger's in July of last year (2011) but I've been a self-harmer, specifically a cutter, since I was a teenager. It got really bad this summer after I learned of my new diagnosis - I have scars all over my arms and legs from cutting. Other times if I don't feel like cutting but need to get out an emotion, I bang my head or pound my fists against the wall as hard as I can.

I self-harm mainly because I feel helpless or angry at myself; it's a sort of "punishment" for when I think I deserve to be punished for something (sometimes that "something" is just "existing"). I've been to tons of counselors and none of them have been able to help me think of a better way to get my anger out; I am, however, on the lookout once more for a new therapist now that I know I have Asperger's. I'm also in contact with a behavioral therapist who might be able to help.

Are there any other Aspies who self-harm out there? How often do you do it? Do you have any suggestions for me on other ways to release my frustrations other than by harming myself?

Thank you!
Jenny

Well not really directly, but some things I do could certainly harm me.

Yes, I self-harm, and have done since I was badly bullied at school. I pick my skin on my hands and feet and lips until they bleed, pick scabs etc. Sometimes I also hit myself really hard with my badminton racket so I get big bruises on my legs.
I normally self-harm when I'm very sad or angry. I've found playing badminton and running helps a bit, because it uses the energy I would use to hurt myself to hit the shuttle or sprint instead.
Talking through with my psychiatrist why I'm sad is helping me decrease the amount of self-harm I do.

This website may help if you're looking for emotional support as a self harmer. There's a forum to join as well.

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=1

Thank you for the link!

I self-harm, but not usually in a physical way; rather, I often end up "self-harming" by sabotaging my own social life and career whenever I feel worthless. But I think it's basically the same impulse.

It might sound silly, but have you tried punching your pillow? Sometimes there's nothing wrong with the classics.

I have done some cutting, or burning myself with a cigarette. Sometimes I can't stop hitting myself in the head, or banging my head into walls. This often happens in a hospital, since I usually can see it coming and go get help fairly early.

So, you're definitely not alone. I know how hard it is to talk about, thanks for your post.

Are you sure this isn't OCD?

I've had some issues with razor blades in the past. I couldn't wear a t shirt for several years, or shorts.

It usually ends up happening when I'm frustrated and things just don't seem to be getting better.

I used to self-harm by cutting and burning myself.
I don't really know how I stopped that though. I bang my head sometimes.
I used to visit recoveryourlife a lot, it used to be called ruinyourlife! Be aware that sometimes it can be upsetting to read graphic things about other peoples depression and self-harm as I found that it could trigger me to self-harm.

In my early 20's I cut for a long time. It felt like I was stuck in a bad loop that I just couldn't break out of. For me it stopped when my life changed dramatically for the better (finished uni, cut an emotionally abusive person out of my life, met my partner).

Unfortunately it has been back on my mind a lot in the last year since my diagnosis. I even started cutting again for a bit, after 7 years of not (although in those 7 years I have done plenty of punching myself in the face/stomach/arms, so it was never really gone totally). It is on my mind so much now that that is why I am here on The Haven right now. I feel like I just can't find any other way to get away from my emotions, even just for a few seconds.

I'm sure you've read the usual things like holding ice or flicking yourself with an elastic band.... I don't really get how this is any less serious, except obviously you don't risk infections. It isn't really solving any problem though, and in some ways I have found that having a way to hurt myself inconspicuously while I am out in public (with an elastic band) just encourages me to do it more.

Lately I am trying to work on the distraction method. When I am at that moment when I want to cut I wait 2 minutes.... Everyone can wait 2 minutes. Then if I still feel the same I force myself to wait 2 more minutes.... It works sometimes. I think cutting is one of those things that if you do it less you will want to do it less. My psychologist calls it "recency and frequency"- The more recently/frequently you thought about/did it the more likely you are to think about it/do it again. And so on in a seemingly never ending cycle. Cutting is a very hard cycle to break out of.

One of the other things that I know about myself is that if I have even one alcoholic drink I am MUCH more likely to hurt myself. It seems to take away my tiny edge of consequence and impulse control. Maybe this is something you could try if you drink at all.

It's good that you are finding a new therapist. They may not have any new ideas for stopping the cutting, but it is really about working through the reasons that you are cutting. You mentioned that you have been having more difficulty since your diagnosis, perhaps you need to work on acceptance and self-esteem issues that have come up. I know for me this has been where most of my wanting to cut myself in the last year is coming from. I felt like after diagnosis all of my traits (mostly negative) where in the spotlight in my mind 24/7. It is a difficult feeling to carry around your shortcomings in the front of your mind every day, seeing crystal clear how they are affecting everyone around you and everything you do.

I can't stress how much you really need to find a therapist who knows about AS. Cutting is not a given with AS, but you may be needing to do it so much because you are not dealing well with the issues that your Aspergers brings up for you. I see a Clinical Psychologist every week who has experience with Aspergers. We work on lots of ways for me to better manage my anxiety and to predict and plan for the things that I will find difficult. It has been great to work with someone who has experience with Autism, she has ideas and understands me more than anyone that I have ever met. It is still endlessly difficult, but I can see that over time I will have the skills to shape my life to suit my set of abilities more.

Goodluck, I hope you find some relief. PM me if you like.

I have not relapsed with self harm in months, and not self harmed actively for about 2 years. I wasn't a cutter, though I tried to do the "normal" self harm (looking back you can see how unhealthy your thoughts are, but they seemed right at the time). I was a scratcher, but it was more so I could have scabs to pick at. I still struggle with picking at my face a bit, but it's manageable.

Thank you OP for bringing this subject up - it seems to be a bit of a taboo. I am a recovering self harmer and have some nasty scars running down my arms. I harmed for the reasons you said and have only been able to get over it with medication. My disabilities make me very frustrated with myself. Behavioral therapy is helpful, but psychiatric therapy has merit too.

Thank you i wanna blue for the link.

self harm seems to be quite commen with aspies, ( myself and my girlfriend included )i think its mostly cos we find it hard to express ourslves and its often the only we feel we can deal with negative feelings.

have you tried snapping a rubber band on your wrist, or crushing ice cubes? it releases the bad feelings but it wont do any lasting damage. xxx