Rants

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I could probably get into 20 million arguments with people today. Anything anyone says just sets me off. To make things worse my brain can't even come up with coherent sentences for a good retort.

Oh how I hate hormones.

It's very difficult for me to live with myself. I can't expect it would be easier for another person to live with me.

If creationists were right, I wouldn't exist.

I'm sorry, I'm having a miserable time in Hawaii..... my parents, whom I f*****g hate, are ruining it for me! Even though my sister's wedding is done, I want them OUT OF MY LIFE! I don't care about whether I shouldn't hate my parents, I have every reason to do so; they're obstructionist, Mormon-like prissy a**holes!

I've gone for a very long time, it will soon be 2 months, without my special interest.
It is really starting to get to me.

im am so tired of people saying oh your in resource oh but your so smart when i tell them what i tell them who resource is for also i quote along this from ignorant people " i should be glad i don't have a disease" "Sorry i didn't mean to be offensive im just glad im healthy" my god PEOPLE IN SPECIAL ED AREN'T STUPID OR DISEASED YOU MORON! :


ok im better now sorry for yelling

I fellow students (who just got married, I should add) talks all the time how much happiness is important to her. Great. And I'm just sitting here, suppressing my unhappiness with math homework.

Mad at nothing! Stupid nothing!

A reminder of how alien I feel today. I see the invitation, to step in and relate, or entertain. To be warm and witty. They are all so foreign to me, and I am a conundrum to them. The best I can do is smile and nod, and hope they care to understand me over time.

no matter what i do, i always feel like im watching an alien species when im around people. i find myself really lonely all the time. I dont fit in with anyone and never have. Everyone thinks im weird. Im not a bad looking guy but looks are notttt everything. i find myself put into the friendzone basically 99% of the time because of how i act and if im able to somehow manage to come off as a cool guy, it usually gets screwed up anyway when im around too many people (i basically shut down in crowds or around people i dont know) then the girl thinks im weird anyway. People like to talk about me for some reason too. Ive heard everything from people thinking im gay (im not but i find it funny that sexual orientation actually changes someone's opinion on a person) to being a heroin addict, to being a rapist (yeah.... a rapist -_-) so i learned a long time ago that theres no point in even bothering to let people get to me. I have bigger things to worry about anyway, i live with my single (or is she taken again now?) mom and i have dreams of joining the navy or army one day and am taking steps to get there. Sorta because i wanna do something important, but mostly because im more of a father figure to my younger siblings than anyone else is and i want them to be proud of me and set a good example for them. i drag myself outta bed every morning and deal with my depression and lack of self esteem but its such a droning way to live. I hate my life. Whenever im in public I feel like im watching some kind of alien species but in reality, i know its me thats acting like an alien to the rest of society.

Come on, E2LA, wake the hell up, you woke up early, but you shouldn't sleep early tonight!

Damn it, insomnia!

I just can't stand myself when my desire to get my point across interferes with my longer-term goals, like staying on the good side of my professors and classmates.

*sigh* I just wish I could do more outside of my home.

I have an obsession/special interest with a girl who's mind never thinks of me. Anyone who says you can't have an obsession with another person, come f*****g live my life and see for yourself. I don't even want to be obsessed with her but she is ALWAYS on my mind, from dawn till dusk, quite literally. I'll never be able to satisfy this obsession and in 18months time I won't get a chance to see her again. I cannot bare the times I cannot see her. I will never bring up enough courage to meet alone with her. My messages are ignored. But I don't care because I MUST see her. I MUST MUST MUST see her!


The only other person I could talk to about this with them understanding a obsession is dead. He killed himself almost a year ago now, I envy him so much. I wish he was here, I could talk to him about this and he wouldn't judge or tease but understand.

My dog. My gorgeous, loving dog died almost a month ago. She was so loving and never argued or judged me. She only loved me, and I loved her.

At school they say to me, "it must be easy being you, you can get A's easy. I f*****g worked hard to get that A! I'm not naturally a genius! I just work hard unlike you lazy bastards! And have two sisters who get a million A* who I have to be as good as.

But I get up, out of bed. To see her. The best feeling is when I make her happy, or laugh. It is THE BEST FEELING.

It must be nice being dead. No stress, no exams, no pressure, no sh***y future. But I can't kill myself for my mums sake, she would get so depressed. I've got to be positive for her.