feeling so sad and alone

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I'm feeling very low and exhausted and have a lot of things going on at the moment I would really appreciate some advice or support.
sorry in advance for the long post...
I was diagnosed with autism/aspergers in June just days before my Mum died.
Mums death was after an illness while she was on holiday abroad she was in hospital there for over 2 months it was so awful because I was here and only saw her for a short time when she was in a coma. My family didn't want me there and were horrible to me when I went saying I made things worse (they were angry with me for crying and 'being in a state'). I am the black sheep of the family.
I have since told my family (Dad and sister) I have autism. It's a big deal for me (the diagnosis) because I have really struggled in my life and am still learning/finding out attributes I always thought were a quirk are due to autism/aspergers. Stuff like having difficulty navigating past things, and sensory overload making me dizzy. Since my Mum became ill I have been under such stress it's made my sensory and navigation issues much worse and I keep bumping into things. Noises, colours, lights can take away my balance. I have not wanted to be out much feeling so unsteady so I told my Dad and sister I had been diagnosed, but they don't want to know. Neither my Dad or sister will really discuss it with me and I would really like their support. My sister says my autism is very mild/how have I managed all these years. But I didn't manage I left home age 18 and have had big problems and bad things happen especially when I was younger, when someone picks on me or takes advantage I can't stand up for myself.
My Dad says I am selfish for not wanting to go out with them. Him and my sister are frustrated with me for things I can't help, and then be horrible to me when I try and explain myself (which i'm not good at when i'm upset) I don't intend to be selfish and am not asking them to become an expert on autism but just to understand when I say I don't want to go to the pub I really mean I can't go and in the past I could put on a front and go but at the moment I can't and it's not because I am rude or don't want to be with them. I continually irritate them without meaning to.
I am so sad about my Mum. My family say I have always been a problem. I have just wanted them to approve of me especially Mum. I wish she had known about my diagnosis, I was never able to connect with her and when she used to look at my eyes it used to make me feel so uncomfortable I'd look away and not engage in discussion with her. If she knew about my diagnosis she would have understood that i did love her I just couldn't show it. I used to hate being touched by her and woudl always push her away, it makes me feel so sad now:(
I have no one now, my family don't want me around and I only have one friend who is probably sick of me.
Since my Mum got ill 5 months ago I have been in a massive panic, my guts ache so much, like they are all cramped up with tension. I cannot relax anymore my panic now is about the suffering Mum went through. I have lost my job from being off sick and am finding things really hard and would appreciate any kind words or advice.
Thanks

everyone grieves in his/her own way. sounds like you need some time to deal with the loss of your mom. it would be great if your family understood that, but since they don't, give yourself some time and apologize if you have to, but don't feel bad about taking care of yourself.

I'm sorry for your loss. I could not imagine losing my mother, and not having acceptance from my family thrown on top of that. I have always been close to mine, but from all I've heard and seen from others, family isn't always related by blood; there are some really nasty people out there who don't deserve to be parents or siblings. I'd recommend trying to find closeness in friends though I understand that is also a hard feat. I will just say I am open to anyone who needs someone to talk to.

Try to regroup with your new found knowledge and start fresh. Then something good will come of this difficult time. We all can relate to these kinds of partial or full collapses. We know those overload feelings. But you can learn how to manage things better and avoid a lot of overload. Set yourself a date and then begin.

I think you have to take into account that your sister has also lost her mother too and your father has lost his wife. They are mourning in their own way and your feelings being a bit different to theirs, is getting in the way of their feelings towards you. This is a terrible set of circumstances for you and your family to go through. I think your father is favouring your sister over you in this situation, but I don't think he means to. It's just the situation as it stands and I wouldn't be passing judgement over him or your sister. Time is the great healer. I would just keep doing what you're doing. Hope you have friends to console with you. At some point when things settle your father and sister will attempt to reconcile with you.

thanks so much for the all the replies and advice. I know my Dad and Sister are feeling really sad too, I feel guilty when they are cross with me and wish I could help comfort them but I don't know what to say or do. Any tips on how not to become overloaded like Toy_Soldier said?