Breakup

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Hello all,

I'm not sure where else to begin since i'm new to the forum but I can't seem to get past this 'Haven'. I just have a bit going on at the moment. I'd like to just preface this with the fact i'm going to therapy but even so sometimes i just feel very alone and upset. Anyways...

A little over two weeks ago my fiance of a year and 7 months broke up with me. We're still in contact but she left that part up to me so i haven't talked to her in a week as of now. After she broke up with me i asked her what changed and when did it change because when we got engaged we had been so excited and in love. At some point a few months ago she just seemed to distance herself more and more. We had started hanging out with her cousin when I'd go over (we lived 2 hours apart, yeah that made it a little difficult) and I felt more and more like she treated me along the lines as her cousin, like I was just a friend. I know this new media stuff may seem a bit dopey but on facebook I still made posts about things we were doing and being happy i would be seeing her again for the weekend etc. At some point she stopped posting anything about me. But it wasn't only that because she started posting multiple pictures and posts about her and her cousin and the good times they were having. I did get jealous which probably didn't help the situation, but really... It just made me upset she seemed to keep pulling away in various aspects of our relationship and treated me less like a fiance and more like a friend.

I'm just really upset about this. I also asked her her reasons for the breakup and she had a few: she didn't know if she could handle my "episodes" (bipolar depression), didn't know if she could handle if i had to go on disability for said depression/ bipolar/ autism or whatever the case might be, and generally that she doesn't feel like she has her life together. She graduated with a Bacchelors in Math while we were dating and hasn't used it. She works two part time jobs though the one was turning to full time, but she didn't feel like she had any idea what she really wanted.

I'm just a bit upset that I couldn't have stuck around to be supportive of her. I know some others on the autism spectrum and generally get the understanding that when we feel emotions they are very powerful and that was no different for the love I had for her and everything I did for her while we were together.

I just feel a little broken after giving someone everything in my heart just to be rejected in part because of something I have limited control over.

There wasn't really anything I think I could've done to make any of it work. The advice I've been giving is pretty much that it wasn't my fault and I can't change who I am and I shouldn't.

Logically, I understand her reasons for breaking up. Emotionally, I'm a train wreck and a half.

Anyways, glad to just kind of unload this and thanks to anyone who takes the time to read through and/or comment on this,
sometimeslog21

To be honest, it sounds like she's just giving excuses but really I think she met someone else, her distancing behavior and lack of posting about your relationship are a couple of signals.

That's some confusing behaviour.
You can never really know what's going on inside another person's head, or even in another person's life, even someone as close as a fiance. And I guess relationships break up for all kinds of reasons.
If one was that things are ambivalent with you and disability pension, or her and her uncertainties about where to go in life, maybe you can come together again when you each have things a bit more sorted? Maybe just a breather, and you can reconcile?
I suppose that's best case scenario. If not, and things do end, hopefully you can process it enough and be ok. Maybe you can get back out there and begin the dating roulette again when you feel ready, and maybe find someone who isn't scared off by the uncertainties inherent.
I'm not much for dating advice. But I hope you can feel better about your situation.