I really am a cripple, you know.

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...No, Clara, it was not you.
It was not Anne, either.
As I believe I have said, I no longer have the name or address of the HS oerson, I had gotten as far as a draft, BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE ADDRESS/NAME OF THE OFFICE/PERSON IS AGAIN, bfore I can try it.
Someone here who can more easily look through old posts and see if the name etc. is somewhere in there, please do that. RR's other things were very helpful, too, but they don't rate to what I was talking about above. The person's obsession with having me loony-binned up was not what crossed the line for me regarding them.

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Robin sent a private message giving all the info needed. The name and email address etc of the person who will send the transcripts. He spent quite a lot of time and effort getting the info.

10 Jul 2018:

Look through your private message history with RR62.

..Thank you. I'll see if such a message is there

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

There were dozens of pages of drama about how vitally important it was to get the "TLPOP". So hopefully the "magic keys to the kingdom" were not discarded. And might even actually be used.

The TLPOP are the magic keys to the kingdom .

So, I guess this topic stuck out to me a bit, and while I also feel like I'm a bit late to the party, so to speak, I have something to say. ASS-P, I did a bit of research into some of your other topics, if only cursory, as well as having read this one, and so I have a basic understanding of what you are going through, and suffering from. Therefore, I'm going to ask you one simple question that will hopefully shed some light for both of us on what is really going on.

So what?

So what if it hurts? Sure, you were dealt a bad hand. This entire site is made up of people who were. I might not have been here more than a fraction of the time of other people, and I can already see that. Hell, the first lesson I learned as a kid seems to be one that rings true no matter where you live. Life isn't fair, so stop expecting it to be. As a kid I had no natural sense of empathy, so I literally had to be taught how to care about both myself and others. Even now it's extremely rare for it to be natural, and my entire personality is basically an intricately woven web made of crappy 80's comedy and the interior of a psychology textbook. You know what I got for all of my effort, everything I worked for?

I was bullied so hard that the other kids violated the Geneva Convention, and I still flinch if I hear people speaking rapidly in other languages and I can't see them. I was beaten black and blue, and tortured by my classmates right up until high school, when I snapped and finally got suspended because I stood up for myself. The kids that did it weren't punished, not until the principal was handed pictures of the bruises and told about all of the other crap that happened.

In middle school, if you got in-school suspension you were placed in a room about six or seven feet square, with walls so thick it was absolutely silent. If I needed a quiet place to work as per my IEP, I got put there. If my teachers couldn't handle me, I got put there. If you've ever been to the inside of a prison and seen the isolation rooms, it's basically that.

I was even kicked out of Michigan Career and Technical Institute, a state-run school for disabilities, for being too disabled because, in their words, I'm too disabled. Either that or they can't handle severe anxiety attacks, but eh. That was their reasoning, I guess.

In the past YEAR I have been through three surgeries, one of which I just had done last week and am still extremely tired from. The first one was a doozy, since we found out that on top of everything else I had cancer. So, I had to have my thyroid removed along with eighteen lymph nodes, then have an ablation done to kill off any remaining tissue. You ever had radiation poisoning? Your bones start to hurt, man. The last two were two separate foot reconstructions because my doctors didn't catch the fact that I had two different kinds of club feet until I was staring down twin knee replacements before my fortieth birthday. Thankfully, we got that fixed, but my left foot currently has four incisions and the bones are being held together by steel plates and pins. They even cut off my heel and moved it over half an inch. The right one looks like Frankenstein's Monster's internet search history, but the bones are back in one piece.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have our problems, and this is supposed to be a place where we can genuinely get help. From what I've seen, you are just complaining about how life is kicking you while you're down. What you need to do is get the f**k up, punch Life in the teeth, and keep going. It'll keep dragging you down, because that's how life works. If you want to just give up, then congratulations, that's what you're doing. If you don't, then keep fighting. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate.

By the way, kudos to whoever gets that reference.

...Briefly, much of the last week, I have been in a motel room. The NYS lawyer did decide to send some $, with no explanation as to why he canged now, or why he did before . It fully cleard last week, and, after not something more dramatic, I used some for a room at the same motel as before - Because U was just SO tired and exausted from the lack of sleep and lack of rest that the shelter situation gad for me, and pain, too from walking around carrying baggage water prigrll day. I thought I could do a 2nd v but it seems the 2nd week's price is much increased, I suppose for New Year's. My sleep/exaustion/pain situation did improve. But, I might not be able to get back into that shelter programm.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...This last Monday, Christmas Eve, I had big plans - I was going to go to downtown and go to the Episcopal Church that I went to Carol's & Lessons at on Sunday, which would have been 12:30 AM and I would have had to take a taxi back. I was going to see Aquaman earlier in the night and I thought I'd take a THC-oriented pot Edie to " see the colors high "...But, it was dark-ish overcast and cold - and it RAINED ! and, I felt real sleepy - Getting (temporarily) more sleep and rest here in a sense, reminds me how tired and sometimes-painful I am - I feel like I was kind of on adrenaline ahead of my illness .
The SC buses shut down 100% on major holidays . There is a diner near me, I guess I will go there. The free meal downtown is rather too far to walk . Right now I'm okay - But what will I do when I'm finished with the motel ?

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Merry Christmas, ASS-P

Merry Christmas!

...Thank you, K/X!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

ASS-P cleverly killed two birds with one stone.....

...I am at a Denny's. The local SC diner I mentioned was closed (The Santa Cruz Diner - they were in the past, I read, on that "...Dives & Diners " TV show). I had the Christmas dinner, etc.
I walked. Lovely and sunny ., It was a strain and I walked slow, even though " better ". I think my point about " less on adrenaline so..." is valid. I do worry about a heart attack.
I don't know whether I was ever in a Denny's(R) til' the Nineties? the Eighties? 'Oughties? Weren't they more a Southern Calfornia//Southwestern/lower Midwest/" the South " chain? KK: Were they in the boroughs of NYC? I could imagine them being there but not in upper Westchester - I was never in a 7-11 either, at least not in W'ch'tr, til' the Eighties IIRC - I remember how astonishing the cheap " Gulp "s of soda - not "Big ", just regular - seemed ! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !;

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!