Been down over past couple of days

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I've had a difficult life, but mostly I've been a survivor. Still, I struggle. About a year ago, I entered into therapy. After working with the same therapist for about a year, I realized I really wasn't getting or feeling better. This realization made me even further depressed. I knew I still needed therapy, so I sought out a new therapist. The new therapist has an autism/Asperer background, so I'm hoping that this will be better. I've now seen him for three weeks, and much of it has seemed to go well.

My problem is my history. I've seen close to fifteen therapists in my life. Some of these have been helpful, but many have not. The one that I was seeing for the past year was only minimally helpful. I'm frustrated that I saw him much longer than I should have. I guess I didn't know where else to turn. He didn't always validate my ideas or feelings. He would always say "I'm doing my best." well, I guess his best wasn't good enough. Whenever I brought up Asperger's, he would totally ignore it saying he wasn't an expert. I never felt confidence with him.

Now that I'm with a new therapist, I'm afraid again that I'm going to fall into the same trap I have with other therapists. It's going well, but I'm fearful it won't last long. And I'm trying to determine if it's real or if it's imagined. I want him to see things from my point of view. I will admit that my view might be a bit unusual and hard to understand. He seems to be trying, but I'm still having trouble trusting him. I have a hard time trusting the profession, even though I know there are some very good therapists out there.

After a session with him this past week, I was feeling much better. For two days, my confidence level was up and I was feeling good that things were looking up. But then this weekend, I got down in the dumps again and I haven't been able to get out. I'm overall very tired of being this way. I don't know if it will ever get better. Still, I hope.

I have very little confidence in myself, and this is one thing I want him to help me with. I am also not the most assertive person in the world. Sometimes I feel like a chump. I let people walk all over me including my therapists. Mostly, I want out of the dumps that I find myself at the moment.

I guess I just want to be heard.

I don't think what happened (or rather didn't happen) over the last year is your fault, TheWeirdPig. If you mentioned your Asperger's and the therapist was not an expert, the least thing he ought to have done was a bit of reading up on the condition, even if he was just taking a look at Wikipedia that might have helped.

Seeing another therapist and one who has some knowledge about AS/autism sounds like a very good idea. Still, a therapy always needs some time to kick in. I think after three weeks it's a bit early to pass judgment already, If you are feeling at ease around your new therapist and you get the impression that he is really listening and trying to understand your point of view, that is as much as you can expect this early on.

It is always difficult to understand what is going on inside another person's head, but if you have a different mindset from each other it gets really complicated. I reckon it is just as difficult for an NT to understand an Aspie as it is the other way round. If your therapist is trying, I would say stick with him a little longer and give him some time to develop an understanding for your way of seeing the world.

Thanks Dog. I need to hear this. Really, I am optimistic about this. Long weekends can be bad. I tend to dwell. It also feels good to be validated on my past therapist not hearing me. If he ignored one of the major reasons I came to therapy, wht else was he ignoring?

Really, most everything I've said with my new therapist has been validated. There was one thing that I said last week that may have lead him astray. I want to bring this up first thing when I see him next time. I am being more assertive, but I am also seeing him let me be more assertive.

And I do want to stick with him a bit longer. I don't think he's giving up on me.

You are welcome, Pig.

I know how I can dwell on things when I have too much time on my hands and sometimes I get myself into a panic that way. In thoses cases just hearing someone else's opinion can be very helpfull.

I'll keep an eye on this topic, just in case you need some more support with your new therapist. I wish you all the best.

Heyyy no name calling here hehe.

Seriously though, I agree with FluffyDog; give your therapist some more time and then make an informed decision. You're going to be okay!

Thanks for all the words. I'm still down today. It's not just my therapist I'm worried about not understanding me. It's EVERYONE who I'm concerned about understanding me. I feel so alone. I know this must sound paranoid. Ugh. Now I'm being neurotic.

Sometimes I feel like my patience is running out. No one is out to help me, to truly understand me. They tell me what is best for me without really understanding what it is that I REALLY want.

I guess I'm ranting here.

I am fairly certain that my family don't understand me most of the time, but that they love me nevertheless. Same with my friends. I have long since accepted that fact and that I will never fully understand them. I can still respect them and enjoy the time I spend with them.

Now, I'm not trying to be rude, but do you know what you want? Which changes you would like to make in your life? If not, try to find answers to these questions. If you know in which direction you want to take your life, I think you should work out a plan to make it happen. Start out with small steps, things that you can manage. By and by, make more changes. Maybe you can move on to bigger steps with time.

Do you have a pet? They can give great emotional support in times like this. If you would like to have one but cannot keep one yourself, maybe there is a pet in your neighbourhood that you can pet-sit? Or is there a park where you can watch other peoples dogs? (I guess I regard pets as a kind of all-purpose medicine that can be applied to anyone, anywhere for any ailment... )

Do you need something to keep you busy at the moment? Decorating your home for the xmas-season or preparing some small gifts for the people you like could help.

Yes, I have accepted the fact that some people just will never understand me. Others just lack the knowledge to understand me. It must not be easy for them.

I am seeing my new therapist later today. I hope to discuss this with him. Hopefully he doesn't have biases that get in the way. I guess I'll know later, but I'm looking up for the moment.

Yes, I have a cat. And yes, I decorate for the holidays. And yes, my cat does plenty of undecorating.

This made me laugh so hard my mother gave me a very concerned look.

In case you want any feedback on how you feel about today's therapy session, I am offering you my ear (urmmm... my eyes, more like...). I will be in and out of the forums for about the next six hours and after that there's still tomorrow.

Went well yesterday. I'll see how the weekend will be, but I am feeling confident my therapist is hearing me.

He talked about mindfulness, an idea that has resonated in me. He also validated some of my actions that my last therapist did not. In other words, he finds me to be ok. I think this is a huge beginning.

Yes, this sounds like your new therapist will in fact be a big help to you. Good to know you feel like you are making some headway.

I've also been down for the past few days. I think it's the weather and the lack of daylight, in my case. If my avatars show my dark side, I know that I've been down. I drink a lot of tea during those times, but not too much.

I can totally relate to this. I'm not sure how things were up in London this year, but where I live we haven't had a summer worth mentioning this year, so now I am close to the emotional state I usually find myself in by late January and I am worried by how to make it to spring.

The mother of someone I study with has a lamp for her plants that emits light with the same frequencies/wavelenghts in it as daylight. Whenever I go to that place to deal with some kind of project for uni that said person is involved in as well, I find that I really enjoy sitting close to that lamp which is switched on almost 24/7 from what I gather. I think that lamp is emulating daylight for me in much the same way as for the plants it is originally intended for.
I have also read that similar lamps are used in Scandinavia to treat school children with and help to prevent depressions in them during the long, dark winter months.

So maybe a lamp like that could help you? If it is really the lack of daylight, it might be worth a try. I am considering to ask my family to give me one of those lamps for Xmas.

Traditionally I've been the worst in January. Being in central North America where it's blustery cold and nights are long, it might be easy to blame this on the natural environment. I've also believe this has something to do with the social environment. Lets face it, January is a month when days are getting longer rather than shorter. I beleive each year I am somewhat reminded of the past years during the winter when I have been depressed. There have been many years where I have been just as active in January as I have any other month.

Perhaps I'm reminded how another year has come and I really haven't made much of my life. No big career, no family of my own, I don't own a home. I have a master's degree; it's a small accomplishment. I'm not a total failure, but I'm far less than satisfied.

The good news is I'm becoming more aware of my feelings. I'm feeling ok today. I had plans to go to a football game today with a friend, but sick son caused him to back out. Disappointed, but understanding that these things happen. I'm glad he invited me and it has made my day despite not being able to attend.

Rebel, I hope things get better for you. Does tea make things better? I drink coffee . . . usually too much

Personally, I feel like the cold, dark days leading up to Xmas drain a lot of energy and emotions out of me. By the time it is January I am simply tired of the cold season, but somehow I don't manage to gather new energy yet. I usually start feeling better by about the end of March, but some years my winter down lasts until mid-April.

I have always attributed this to the combination of coldth, lack of daylight and the awful lot of rain we get during winter in my part of Germany. The region where I live has very much rain, more than most other places in Germany. Sometimes it rains for a solid week in November or even in other winter months. Needless to say, I don't like that kind of rain nor do I fancy the winter coldth.

Well, anyway, one of the things that help me through winter is the knowledge that things will look better once spring arrives and the weather improves.

Tea can do a lot to help people feel better. You don't neccessarily have to stick to Earl Grey here. There is a lot of plants that help people relax and feel better when put into a tea. St. John's wort and balm are the ones that come to my mind right now.

I think it is very nice that your friend wanted to go to that football game with you, even if it did not work out in the end. But he'll probably propose to go to another game instead, thus not canceling but merely postponing your weekend treat.

I've been to the city today to meet a group of people I sometimes meet up with. All of us are intellectually gifted and it is always nice to meet with someone who has made similar experiences as I have. Many gifted people face challenges similar to those I am dealing with and I reckon that quite a number of them are on the spectrum as well, whether they know are aware of it or not. I only stayed for about two hours, but that was exactly the amount of RL-socializingthat I needed today, so at the moment I am feeling quite satisfied and relaxed.

I'm just getting out of my mood and I'm feeling a lot happier and less rebellious. Things seem brighter.