Can't stop crying, kept getting yelled at today

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My husband was very angry with me today over things I had no control over.

I went to the drugstore to pick up his four prescriptions for him, but he yelled at me for one of his meds not being the correct date yet to refill it yet because he wanted it right now. That is not my decision, it's the doctor's.

I put $10 of gas in our car because the tank was on empty and he has to go to an important appointment tomorrow. He yelled at me that I wasted that money because he could of gotten there on an empty gas tank.

He smokes, and each month we run out of money around the 20th and then he has severe withdrawal symptoms and goes crazy. But this month I budgeted our money so perfectly and carefully that I bought him cigarettes even up to the last day of the month. I still got yelled at because I had hidden that cigarette money from him so he wouldn't spend it on random things and run out of smokes as usual, and he yelled at me for hiding it even though it was for his own benefit.

He wants my hair to be long, straight and brunette, because that's how he likes it. So I had to schedule a color and cut at the discount salon, because my roots were showing and my bangs had grown down past my nose, and he yelled at me for spending too much money "on myself" as if I had decided on this style instead of him.

I asked him for permission to cancel some of our special TV movie channels because we don't really watch them, so we could save $35 a month on the cable bill. So I did call and cancel right in the same room with him, he heard me, then he started saying I had done something drastically wrong and refused to explain why or to call the cable company himself to do it the way he believe he wanted it done. So I got yelled at for doing it wrong even though he won't tell me how or why.

I laundered all of our sheets, pillowcases, and blankets so they were nice and clean and smelled fresh, and I made up the bed very nicely with bedskirt straightened out and everything. So I got yelled at because at some point our dog jumped up and laid on the bed and left some hairs (he normally allows her on the bed). Somehow this was all my fault and I should of known by ESP he didn't want the dog on the bed when he usually lets her.

He came up to me all of a sudden and started yelling at me that someone turned the back porch light off. Well it is bright daylight so why should the porch light be on, it's not illuminating anything, the sun is shining. I wasn't told to leave it on for any reason and of course I'd normally turn off lights we weren't using to save on electric bill. But now I am yelled at for being a f*ck-up just for turning off a single light as if I was supposed to know by ESP he wanted it on.

So now he is truly angry at me after all this and he is glaring at me, talking harsh words, walking away and slamming doors. I feel so horrible and I don't know what I even did wrong or what he wants me to do to change. I feel like I utterly failed him and I just want to go hide in the closet beneath the dirty laundry and not exist anymore. I feel dead inside and can't stop crying.

You haven't failed him. He's acting like a child.

I can understand living with internal anguish but, putting it on other people is something I can't understand or relate to. No one's really brought his ego back on itself yet eh? I guess some people bloom late, sometimes never at all...

Get out. NOW!

What a terrible day you have had. I hope most days are a lot better than that for you.

Your husband's acting like a complete a**h***. I agree with Darylzero, leave - at the very least until he wises up. Have you got family you can visit? *hugs*

No, he's failed you by unleashing this tirade of verbal abuse. You do not deserve to be treated that way and need to start setting down some 'rules' of your own with regards to his behaviour.

Last edited by Lene on 28 Jun 2011, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Agreed. What an absolute twat.

You need to leave. It's only a matter of time until his actions escalate and you end up in the ER. tl;dr GET OUT! For your own safety, GET OUT!! !

I don't think you did anything wrong. I think he dose this to you because you let him. He's not happy no matter what you do or how you do it. It's time for you to stand up for yourself.Next time he's mad at you just ask him what's REALLY bothering him. If he's a real man he'll see that it's not the way to treat anybody exspecially not his wife.
If he can't change or at least talk about it then it's time to look for a way out.
I should know because my sister was married to one for many years. Also i'm saying this because i'm an NT and i do see things different.

He is an a**hole. He has to stop acting like a child and start acting like a mature adult. In a relationship it's a two way street, if you doing all these things for his benefit eg making the bed nice, keeping hair long and brown, he should do things for you to say how much he appreciates you. I agree with angels, you can't change a man. This isn't your fault you are feeling the way you are, he is making you feel terrible! You deserve someone that loves you and respects your opinions, not some man that throws a tantrum when things don't go his way

I don't think the OP sees this situation the way she does because she has AS. There are many NT's who are in the same situation. I also don't think one can automatically assume physical abuse is imminent. However, it is verbal and emotional abuse plain and simple. The thing is these situations do not happen overnight. Chances are her husband has systematically destroyed her self esteem so just telling him a thing or two is perhaps beyond her emotional capability.
Sorry to talk about you like you're not there MollyTroubletail, I don't mean to do that. But no one has a right to treat you like that.

You have done nothing wrong, so don't allow yourself to believe you have failed in any way, shape or form.
This is his crap, not yours, and he is simply using you as someone to blame, rather than looking at his own failings, in my opinion...some people find it far easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility themselves.
I dont consider this an acceptable way to treat you, and quite frankly, you shouldn't tolerate it.
Next time he begins this nonsense, walk away, don't respond. I don't care what is going on in his life, or how stressed he is, it is really gutless to take it all out on someone else.

Hugs to you, and I really hope things improve, and that you do consider walking away if this continues, as honestly, you shouldn't have to endure this sort of poo.
If this happens more often than not, and the bad times are outweighing the good, then you need to have a serious think about the relationship.

^^ See that above response, OP? Read it once. And then read it again. That woman talks sense. ^^

I also suggest that you do that.

I stopped short of giving advice because of the 'today' in the post title, but my concerns are similar. You seem a very caring and generous person Molly, who deserves happiness in my opinion.

You do not deserve to be treated like that.