"You don't have Asperger's"

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This is more of a rant if anything else, albeit I'm certain rants go here as well, judging from the topics here. Anyhow. A friend of a close friend of mine has recently decided that she wants to Un-diagnose me with Asperger's.

The individual in question only has a minor in Psychology (Yet seemed to have clue what the diagnostic criteria for Asperger's was.) This, of course, pretty much immediately triggered a meltdown. Permit me to elaborate upon why. When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with Asperger's. End of story. A trained Psychiatrist diagnosed me with it. It's on paper that I have it. So someone claiming I "Do not have it." causes me to feel extremely stressed.

The person originally claimed that because I am able to lie, that I do not have Asperger's. She also claimed I could tell when people are lying. What she doesn't understand is that after Eighteen years of being lied to? I just assume everyone is lying. It's made me a paranoid wreck. If I'm right about potentially being lied to? Okay, I just guessed. Because I honestly can't tell, which has lead and still leads people in most instances to take advantage of me. Pertaining to the lying part. Yes, I -can- lie. But it's uncomfortable and usually my lies are so silly and awkward it's apparent I'm lying.

With the above arguments, I refuted it. Which caused her to change her reasoning to, "You can pick up on social cues." I requested she explain. And she goes, "You can pick up on social cues.". Again, I asked her, albeit this time I asked, "in text?" (Typically it is easier for me to tell how someone is feeling in text because...Well. I flat out ask people HOW they are feeling.) She goes, "Period.". The funny part? She's only talked to me on Skype and interacted with me in text. Never in real life. I pointed this out and her reply is, "Well. That doesn't matter." then proceeded to insult me. In her words, "All I do is wallow in self pity". Because I have depression and often vent to my friend and even vented to her a few times.

Has anyone experienced something similar to this?

I haven't, but I really wouldn't listen to that person, they don't sound like they have a clue.

Sorry you had that experience. That person sounds like an a**hole and really not worth talking or skype-ing to.

I would be really pissed off too if someone said those things to me! I can understand how you were driven to a melt-down.

As a psych-student I feel ashamed. All though I'm not surprised you heard that from someone who's not majoring in psychology (yes I do have some prejudices). If you only pick up on one single thing in regards to ethics it should be that you don't go around and throw diagnoses at people, or claim to know something that you don't (or you're not in fact even licensed, with only a minor, to claim.)

So she saying this really says a lot about her and her academic achievements.

It causes you anxiety because part of you is afraid it might be true. If you're 100% confident, then she's a mere annoyance.

Not exactly. I actually want to be an NT, but I can't. I can pretend to be one, but I can't actually be one. Maybe it has more to do with how she was calling me a liar, I'm not one-hundred percent certain.

I don't think that anybody can read another person's mind and know something about their thoughts and feelings except they would tell you.

Shrinks can be horrible, but wannabe shrinks are even worse.

Take what she said with the grain of salt. It may be a back door complement. But I don't trust anything any psychologist said about how your individual mind works. You need to work it out yourself and

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I think Asperger's is a spectrum. The wish for my kids is that they fall off the spectrum but I notice in myself that I sometimes don't show or feel any traits, but when I'm stressed it can come back. I think with a lot of occupation training and self training you can control the symptoms, but it is still a natural state.

Perhaps that is what she is picking up on. They you act NT enough that you don't seem like a Aspie to her. But she doesn't realize you still feel you are.

just a thought..

Ugh, that person doesn't sound so sharp (to put it bluntly).

So she hears in a lecture that "autistics can't lie," and takes it as an absolute truth. No one knows what autism is on a neurological level, so there is no way to know if "autistics can't lie" is literally true in all cases to an absolute degree or not. And since parents (and ASD people) here have noted that their diagnosed kids have lied, then it is clearly not a black-and-white issue.

But maybe she using such bad reasoning as cover for a feeling that you aren't ASD. Most people can't conceive of neurological problems outside of mental retardation, so maybe because you don't come off as being impaired in that way she assumes that you can't have an ASD. Also, maybe she's getting "pervasive developmental disorder" (ASD's) confused with "developmental disorder" (MR).

I'm not certain where she heard the whole "Autistics are incapable of lying" spiel from, but everyone of my good friends that has Asperger's as I do have flat out stated they can lie, but that they typically avoid it. I concur with the matter of people believing there's nothing wrong if you aren't drooling in a corner. I recently found out one of my good friends is likely (Paranoid) Schizophrenic, but because he's so intelligent his Mother doesn't believe him. My Mother and Grandmother, too, have a tendency to claim I don't have it either and that the Psychiatrist was wrong. The one person that guessed that I had it? My biological Father, who is on the spectrum too. Most individuals I interact with in real life (Outside of my immediate family) usually pick up that something is wrong too. I feel a lot better now after reading the replies in thread and due to me getting this all off my chest.

I used to have a "friend" who majored in psychology, so of course she thought she was right about everything, and loved to diagnose me, even though she is absolutely batshit crazy herself. She cheated to get her degree and I wouldn't trust her to work with insects, much less people.

Unfortunately, sometimes these people going to college aren't equipped to actually deal with people, and when they are a know-it-all, it's a million times worse.

Why do you talk to this person at all?

Tell her she's stupid and you don't want to talk to her anymore, and ask your close friend to make sure she doesn't talk to you anymore.

She's extremely blunt. And in -most- situations I actually prefer that, as I'd rather have someone be blunt and honest with me than tell "white lies" to make me feel better. But the problem is that she has a "I'm smarter than everyone." complex and even if you prove her wrong she will hold onto her beliefs. She's a friend of one of my very good friends of many many years. If I was to stop speaking to her because of the way she acts, she'd simply spin it as, "Oh he can't handle being told things he dislikes." For the sake of the next paragraph I'm going to call the female friend, "A" and the male friend, "B."

Though sometimes I question B. He's a silly guy and listens to me when I vent. But he did cut off all communication with me (Temporarily) when I had a psychotic breakdown due to drugs in the past. Often times I ask him to not be subtle when it comes to important matters, but he ignores it. Causing me to have to repeat the same question over and over because he hasn't given me a clear cut answer. There's also instances where he'll tell me to go somewhere like on a game, I'll do it, then he'll laugh and be like, "It's obvious I wasn't there. Why did you go simply because i told you to go there?" In short. Sometimes he pokes fun at my "Gullibility".

Last edited by ComradeKael on 17 Oct 2011, 10:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Maybe you shouldn't be friends with either of them. Do you have any other friends?

Five others. Two I barely get to talk to, one is a suspected Sociopath (His entire family suspects that he has it. And even he has admitted it's possible, as he has an extremely lack of empathy. People have pointed out where he's hurt people because of his lack of empathy and he acts completely apathetic. He has also shown to be extremely cunning, though is socially crippled.) The last two are both diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and I get along with them both extremely, extremely well.

Maybe... a bet way to go about it is to tell her, that being a know-it-all is a bit premature for a psychology minor. Even psychologist practioners are unable to correctly diagnose Aspies, if there unexperienced in the field. I have not experienced something like what you are desciribing in relation to the spectrum, but have heard many postulates by co-students having a minor in this or that. You want to be able to apply what you have learned, and may even be proud that you are able to have a "professional" opinion. She may be worth talking to anyway, if you can only talk about other stuff. If you, at some point have the energy for it, you could ask her to consult one of her teachers on how much expertise diagnosing really requires.
Just my humple opinion of course.