confession : I hate autism

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I wish if I am a regular person ....a NT

I hate being autistic and i hate my HFA....it's giving me no good in all things in life till now , I see no advantages .

I believe that autism HFA is a kind of retardation but it's a retardation strictly in the zone of the brain responsible for the social skills.

if they create some medical cure of autism I would take it ......well I know that such cure is scientifically impossible ...but this how I really feel.

I don't feel proud nor lucky of being borned autistic , i feel damned and so unlucky of being one.

If i would have a kid like me , I would certainly try any genetic solution to make him avoid such fate before he borns.

regards.

Honestly, autism doesn't limit you from doing what you want... it's not that much of a disability. I mean, you might not be fast on your feet in exactly knowing what the right words are to say in certain situations, but that's not going to completely prevent you from being whoever you want to be.

I think that Autism does impose limitations on you. You just have to work within those limitations as best you can.

I'm not very good at specific advise on things like this because I kind, at least to an extent, sort of understand what you are saying. I am faced with a situation in which having normal social skills would be a huge advantage in accomplishing what I need to get accomplished.

I would not trade what I am for something else. But I do understand how someone can reach that conclusion.

I wish you the best.

Last edited by jimservo on 04 Feb 2007, 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate it to, but I've learned in my life that I will not change, and that trying to force myself to change is counterproductive. From that angle I sometimes grow to love it. It would be a lot harder for me if I were a man, there'd be much more pressure on me to integrate myself into the world and to support myself. Not that it's easy for women, but I know my plight would be worse as a guy. I'm sorry you feel this way le petit prince.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't think anyone can really tell you what kind of disability HFA is because they don't walk in your shoes. HFA/AS affects everyone differently. I hope that eventually you will have some clarity and see that there is a life out there for you that you will enjoy, if it isn't what NT's view as a typical life. Make your choices, stand by them, and learn to be happy with them. Of course easier said than done, but it can happen.

You're not the only one who hates their condition. Personally, i intend to further my studies and find out the truth behind the condition so i can understand it, and hopefully find a way to minimise it's downsides on others.

But understand that the problems that it causes can be defeated, you just need knowledge and understanding. Knowledge is power. Learn, grow and eventually you'll be able to surpass the disadvantages and learn to embrace what advantages there are.

To be honest, that's a pretty normal reaction. To hate that which one perceives as holding them back is only natural, just as it is natural to be willing to take steps to rid oneself of said perceived hindrance.

Yeah, I believe that's true as well.

some days at work... i feel like a complete moron...

like, ill never be a good scientist cause i lack logic at times and get off track due to fascinations with tangents and getting off track in general... i have problems communicating with people around me (that i have to sound intelligent to)...

sometimes i feel like all i got working for me is dedication. if only that were enough.

that's kinda how i feel today... cause i said something stupid at a lab meeting when i was trying to be funny and no one laughed.


i don't know about a cure... i'm still waiting for my satellite lazerbeam to come online so i can just start zapping people at will...

that's one way to solve the problem.

i have a love/hate opinion towards my condition..while it doesn't affect me severly, like it does others, i hate the reality that i'm never going to be able to socialize like nt's to each other, have a normal life, communicate my thoughts like a normal person..just live a normal life..i may never find a girlfriend, get married because of this stupid condition...
on the plus side, i'm unique in my own way..i'm not the same as your typical 'normal' person..i love the things i obsess over from time to time, and i can ignore the whole world around me when i indulge in them..i enjoy the solitude, but something in me always yearns for some kind of attention..
perhaps i'll meet a female version of me someday, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, i'll finally be happy to some extent..

The only thing I hate about it is the fact I don't have anything in common personality wise to anyone that has it.

Also, sometimes it gets too much and I blow up due to treatment from people, reactions from people etc.

Once its online,can i borrow it for a couple hours???

Autism is a very unforgiveable brain type under the social model of disability-because of other people and not autism itself,if only most or all people had the understanding,mutual respect and maturity when dealing with a spectrumite and made things Autistic friendly just like it accomodates for other groups,things would be a lot less difficult.
there are so many small things that once adapted could help Autistics so much- a lot of people dont understand the difficulties an NT environment,way of life and structure and routine has on an Autistic,and so the autism can be worse.

Dont think are to blame,LePetitPrince for being Autistic-or that self is a worthless piece of crap for being Autistic-
person is nothing like that,the awful people are the ones who abuse,dont try to understand,make a joke out of and take advantage of others for being different,at least Autistics are not going to be the ones with a list of ASBOs and treating other people like crap for their own entertainment.

This why KOR like cats-dont have any need for proper verbal language or social etiquette with cats,and they are hyper intelligent,non judgemental and understanding.

Also, the fact that you're currently in Lebanon may have something to do with it.
What are the people theres' societal views on autism?
That may in part help explain the way you're feeling about this (or the way you felt back when you posted this).

Oh, LePetitPrince, i do feel for you. Please hang in there. Two factors will help things get better as you grow older. 1. You will learn to better deal with mundane life around you. Just keep your eyes and mind open. 2. Your peer group ages as well, they will learn to be a bit less harsh. You are who you are. Please take some time to learn yourself and your abilities. you have some. You are valuable!

Aspie is just a label. Just like all the other labels psychs try to slap on you so they can sell you their magic pills.

Anyway, let's just say we are a group whose brains are wired in similar ways.

There are disadvantages and advantages to this. I too, wish I were a NT some of the time. Well, except for when they open their mouths and I realize how @*#$ing stupid most of them are (yes, there are plenty on our side too, just not as annoyingly so). I wish I were stupid and happy. I honestly do. I'm not saying being a NT would make this so, but it'd sure help if my brain was wired like that.

As it is, I can't enjoy most of the things people do. My life has been marred with rejection, self-destruction, and apathy. On the other hand, I do enjoy things most NT would probably not. Like solving a Rubix Cube really fast for the 100th time. Or researching random things online for 8 hours straight. I like correcting people, no matter how arrogant or know-it-all I might come off as.

In short, I used to hate myself and how different I was. Now I just hate everyone else. It's all about the paradigm shift.