Having a rough time.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,

Do not want to be here. I am working with a complete a**hole in the middle of hell.

6 mortars landed today killed any sleep (I work nights).

I looked to this place for help and feel betrayed by several senior members who defended a damn diaper wearer.

They do not understand that the fetishest offended the hell out of me becuase I had to deal with my Uncle for years wearing diapers and having to help him with his personal hygiene before he passed on last year, so I do not have any humour for jerks who want to get off wearing them.

No one on the planent seems to get how in need I am of some connection, any connection.

I have been here for 20 months, it is dusty dirty and dangerous and I cannot even begin to tell you the horrors I have been through, (not military, civilian contractor).

I am feeling incredibly betrayed at the moment. I stuck out my hand and heart again only to have it chopped off, a guy I work with acted badly, I mean badly almost to the point of blows being exchanged here at work.

We f*****g hate each other and we are next to each other 12 1/2 hours a day 7 f*****g DAYS A WEEKS FOR MONTHS ON END.

I have worked for 238 days in A ROW. Let that sink in for a minute no breaks, most days I get woken up by car bombs, or chlorine gas attacks making my sinuses run like crazy or old fashioned rockets or mortars.

It is not f*****g THE LATEST VIDEO GAME, OR WHATEVER THE f**k EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE BITCHING ABOUT ON THE PLANET.
I know everyone has their own world to inhabit, but I have not been cut ANY SLACK WHATSOEVER.

I actually had one member who berated me and called me "Angry" and "Maybe I ought to talk to someone?"

WHO THE f**k AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO? Look at where I am at, picture yourself cut off from EVERYTHING.

I cannot go to the store, ANY STORE!!

I cannot eat what I want, run out of something: too bad!

This is hell, oh I know, I CHOOSE to be here. I have been an undiagnosed Aspie my entire life who is intelligent well educated and could not get (or keep) a job that was worth doing.

I was poor my lifetime and f*****g hated it. I knew I had the brains to do something, but never given the chance because of lack of social skills.

So, I sit here in hell watching my bank account grow, and my soul grow harder and harder, and becoming more and more withdrawn.

No one gets it. This is f*****g war that i am posting from and I could have died just today, but lets talk about my avatar, or a song name , or band name, or wearing diapers.

I came here to escape, but then people started defending someone who really offended me, and then took all sorts of my post completely not the way I MEANT THEM. Isn't that what WE ARE ALL ABOUT.

I feel dissconnected I am trying to not blow up, i am almost ready to f*****g come home, but soon enough I would fall into that trap of looking for low paying job after low paying job.

people suck

crazedchef

Chef, I can't even imagine the hell that you're in right now. It is so outside the spectum of life as we know it here, that it's almost impossible to relate. I might be in your shoes, if someone hadn't convinced me not to; but, that doesn't mean s**t.

Does the company that you work for provide any sort of assistance? I know if you were in the military, they would help somewhat, but things might be so damned chaotic there that civies don't. Is there any way to get out now? Don't let this ruin you. It's not worth the money.

I'm sorry you got offended by the diapers issue. But those people need support and understanding too. Maybe not as vitally as you do, but they were reaching out in their own way. I think that it helped some of them to talk about it. Try to take solace in that fact.

I hope someone else here can offer more than what little crap I can. But I'm damned glad that you wrote this. I think people need to see just how bad things can get, from an external source.

Hello

You would be surprised how much that heloed and I just found some outmeal, haven't had some in a while.

Talk about this: get fired. show any type of weakness: get fired.

Before I came over here I was out of hope and almost to the point of suicide I was so broke and at my wits end.

Money eases all of life suffering, but as we all know, it is hard to come by, even more so than an Aspie.

I could leave tommorrow, but then what, go back to cooking for $7.00 an hour?

i know, I know, I could leave, but if you had known my circumstances before, you would realize that I have no choice but to build a little nest egg.

Thanks for your answer,

it is nice to know someone out there is a little bit beyond his own wants and needs,

that has always been my problem, looking out for others over myself, not taking credit for my hard work.

s**t, b***h, whine and moan, I am starting to feel like a girl

there now, you even got a smile, thank you calandale,
the other day when i was replying to you I looked at your avatar and thought that you were female.

later,

crazedchef

Well, after reading what you wrote, I don't even know what to say. I cannot imagine the kind of hell you live in day in and day out. I wish you did not have to live like that.

sounds like aspie hell, chef. but eh a lot of us have trouble getting money together, so i'd focus on that as a positive, maybe you can 'retire' out as a psych case or whatever if you really can't cope with it. good on you for having the guts to do the army thing. scary stuff! we're all proud of you.

Thank you for your well wishes.

i am a civilian contractor, I could leave if I wanted to, but now that I realize that this condition, asperger's, cannot be TURNED OFF, I realize more than ever that i have to take advantage of the situation while I can and put money in the bank. I know, sounds f****d up, if peace broke out tommorrow I would rejoice and happily go home, but while we are here, I am going to earn money.

To answer an earlier question, I am on a FOB(Forward Operating Base) and my only way in or out is by BlackHawk Helicopter, that is why I am so isolated.

Saw a couple of Aussies my last time at Victory, smashing uniforms!

crazedchef

Well, I say you must have a great deal of stamina and courage to have endured what you have and I admire that. I hope things improve in some way, or that you find the resources needed to tolerate the situation better... I also hope you find some escape here and will let us off for maybe focussing on what might be seen as far more trivial things in comparison to what you have to face.

Dear Chef,
what a horriendous situation you are in. I am sitting in my apartment that was flooded out last week and the huge fans are going 24/7 to dry out the walls and floor, carpet and what all. It is a two room apartment so there is no other place for me to live. No, it is not Iraq, yes, I am my own means of support and I can't get out, either.

But the idea of 'what we are all about' is what disturbs me. WP is rarely a place for consolation from other AS. Most that post have rarely had anything remotely like what you or even I are going through to deal with on their own, so realize they are mostly sheltered youth with no actual world experience. I am not excusing them, I am just saying this might be why the support you so desparately seek is not in this Fourm.



oh, go ahead and blow, get it off your chest. You've melted down before and the world didn't end. If you do have a choice come back to The States and maybe get some education, become a hotel chef. . I was one for 20 years and put a bed under a roof doing it and food on the table, too.
I hope nothing but the best for you, brother.

Merle

Let's not get nasty, ok? Maybe it's fine to joke with other men about rigid sexual stereotypes, but you are on a chatter with people who ARE girls and take exception to being put in the 'one down position." But it is not appropriate when some of the girls are actually caring about you. Got it?

Merle

Once Again,

Missunderstood.

It was an exageration because of the stereo typical War Mode, man is tough, do not show any emotions, War is hell, kinda movie like atmosphere where any emotion being shown whatsoever and you are labled a girl.

Oh, and by the way, telling my boss about a problem with chest pains caused by the chlorine gas being dispersed in the air I was told that i was acting like a "p****". I am not trying to offend, should not take it that way because this is "HAVEN."

That is WHAT I have to deal with. It is not Aspie, it is what it is over here, even with females on the front lines.

Cannot be a chef any more, 20 years cooking, ligament problems, three knee surgeries, do not want to live in damn apartments anymore, they get flooded (sorry about yours, mine was burned and I lost everything in '93, dammit. s**t happens, just have to go on).

The Pacific Northwest good pay to cook, San Antonio, TX. a lot of people from across the river drive restaurant positions to very low wages.

crazedchef

Oh,

And by the way, I am educated, went to school got a degree, first job with my new specialty,

Advanced Water Treatment.

oh, yeah, right, it's all about YOU, I forgot



and you just HAVE to continue the stereotype.





Yeah, my house burned down in 1990, so I understand. I have osteoarthritis in the five places I broke my back in 1984 in a suicide attempt and can't chef anymore either. I got a job sitting on my girlish behind and put myself through college and now have a job in another field. I lived in a garden shack for a couple of years while I was trying to find and hold down a decent job, so I understand what you mean. You just have to go on.

Merle

Makes more sense to me than you know. I'm just too chickenshit to go do something that drastic. And yeah, once I was there, it might be easier to stay in hell - knowing that something good is coming out of it. Keep safe, man.

I do not care about your problems or your feminist agenda. Write your own damn post if you want to vent.

This is about me. I wanted to vent not necessarily looking for anything from anyone, especially a femnazi.

...sounds a lot like the mining industry in West Australia - they do 12 hour shifts in camps, nothing there but dust and flies and nothing to spend your money on. I think they actually get time off though, I think it's 3 weeks on, then one week off or something like that. They get flown out to the nearest town, some go straight to the casino in Perth. People do it solely for the big bucks it pays and/or they like isolated places.

How long does your contract have to run?

Big Bucks?

Not really considering that I work minimum 84 hours a week. I am making on average about what I would make in America using this degree (per hour). Where the money comes from is not paying taxes (but I am out of America anyway, and ANY American anywhere who stays out of the country for 335 out of 365 doesn't pay taxes on the first 80,000 grand).

Also, people want to kill us. They do everything they can to bring this about.

I orginally came for a variety of reasons, patriotism, wanting to be a part of something larger than myself, see the world, etc...

Now it is about the money.

I can leave when I want, even when the contract was in effect.

crazedchef