fear of the going out

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does anyone else have this trouble:

often i think that i would quite like to go out but feel tired and stressed nearly as soon as i get out. if i knew that i could spend exactly an hour in the pub and then go i think i would go out more often. possibly it doesn't help that it takes an hour to get to anywhere from where i live. but as it happens i tend to hide behind drink as a coping mechanism and i don't even like it.

as a result i say that i might go out and then feel at the last moment that i cannot face it. it is frustrating becausei don't want to jeopardise the few friendships that i have.

yeah...I made a thread about it (kinda)

I feel the same way. That was one of my main problems with maintaining friendships when I did manage to make any. I get very tired when I go at as well, it always seems like so much effort to just hold a conversation etc. It probably doesn't help that most people my age aren't interested in going anywhere that I'd want to go to anyway.
Maybe you could do what you said about just going for an hour or something. If you plan it more beforehand so you know how long you'll be there and that you can just go home and rest afterwards it might not be as stressful. I hope you find some way of dealing with it anyway, I hardly go out anymore at all.

thank sophi, you are right. i wish that i was a bit better at forward planning and i do need not to panic and drink.

kilroy, which thread were you refering to?

I rarely go out. I have only one friend who I haven't seen in a while, so I don't really have to visit anyone. There isn't much to do here except shop(unless if you're prepared to drive miles or take public transportation, which is terrible here). So, I actually enjoy staying in the house much more than going out. However, whenever I go out, I like to have a set time and everything I need to take with me prepared ahead of time. I also like to visualise what might happen when I go out. I feel much more confident if I know what's going to happen. I make sure that wherever I go, I won't be forced into anything that I'm not prepared for. I also like to make sure there's a place where I can retreat to be alone for a bit if I'm too stressed out. Also, if I go anywhere with someone else, I make sure that they won't force me into anything I don't want to do and that they will understand if I get stressed out. I procrastinate alot and sometimes it's harder just getting myself out the door then what I do when I'm out. I find that if I have a set time and I am prepared for everything ahead of time, then it's usually easier to get motivated to go out.

Hey. Yeah I have exactly that trouble. Back when I had friends at uni people would be organising social stuff but I would always stay quiet - and only if at the last minute I felt like I wouldn't die if I went out then maybe I would go out with them (giving myself no chance to think) and I would go to the pub or something and then later disappear at some random time in the evening.

I would always disappear - it's what I was known for. I would have stayed for 1 pint maybe if I got stuck into an intense conversation ... but as soon as that ended then I was lost in a sea of people in the pub (they would be having fun and laughing and chatting) - I felt like breaking down and crying I couldn't deal with it and then I would quietly slip out the door hoping no-one would see me or challenge me on the way out. Jesus, the sheer RELIEF I felt at getting out of the pub and into the night air under the moon and stars was overwhelming, I would feel human again on my own walking back to my digs through the windy streets my breath making clouds in the cold night air. Thank God I would think to myself.

I hate all that s**t - it has caused me so much pain, my back and chest tighten up and crush me just thinking about those times.

And yet staying in away from people is so painful too - I have a need to be with people but I can't. And for most people it all happens so naturally without thought - why am I like this it's not fair, it's such a struggle to do anything and it wears you down year after year the struggle the struggle, grinds your bones down. And my body aches with the struggle.

Fits me like a glove.

I could go out... but I actually have the fear that something "bad will happen." Or if I want to go look for work, I automatically assume people will look unfavorably at me. Just alot of anxiety and fear.

I've quit even trying to go to nightclubs. The last one I walked into was because I was at a going away party for a friend at work, which was fine as long as it was in the restaurant, but then some of the women decided they wanted to go out dancing at a loud, garishly lit, smoke filled club. I told them to enjoy themselves and left.

In college I tried to hang out at the bars, but the only way I could keep from leaving was to bring my sketch pad with me and draw people.

If the only way to stay friends is to waste time and stress in a place you hate, you need better friends.

What is this "going out"? It hurts (more so than it normally does anyway) when I step on any path that isn't my own.

There's nothing I find anymore exciting or enjoyable "out there" than what I hold within; it's pretty hectic in here....

Being something of a barfly, I don't really share
this problem. But, I always have something to
do at the bar. A few years ago, I would go out
once a week to play darts (mainly by myself -
but occasionally someone would challenge me).
Now, I dance while I'm at a bar. If the music's not
good enough for me to dance to, I go outside and
smoke. Dancing, for me, is like a major drug trip,
so I'm not really aware of much of anything. The
only time that it's a real problem is when I get
approached.

Sometimes when i smoke weed i have a fear of going outside or the phone ringing or someone coming to visit me (which never happens anyway).
Once i got the fear and forced myself to go to the shops and buy some food. It wasn't so scary when i did it, more the thought of it was scary.
I think they call it social phobia.

Yeh I have social phobia. I never answer the phone or the door and I hide in my room whenever we have visitors. I don't really go out apart from university.

yeah I avoid company always...

I hate going out, I feel more comfort staying at home