Finding living difficult -

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I'm finding life and living difficult. Every day is constant stress and anxiety - comes accompanied with pains all over my body. Recently I've had impulses to of killing myself and have worked out different ways I could do it. Life is hard, lots happening and I don't know what to do.

I joined this site to seek help. If anyone else has the same problems then please share.

Hi, Angel. Most of us have been where you are now. The first thing is to address the suicide ideation. Go to a doctor or clinic and tell them you have been thinking like this. They will try to hook you up with either a counselor, a prescription drug, or both. Strong suicidal impulses constitute a medical emergency. Get that taken care of, pronto!

In time, you can learn to have a more satisfying life. I'm sure people here will give you all kinds of advice and support. But first make sure you are safe!

Best of luck, and let us know how you are doing.

Hi, Angel! Please follow Bea's advice. She is one of the wisest people here.

I'm going to ask the moderators to move this thread to The Haven subforum. That is where people who need help usually ask for advice without fear of snark and trolling.

Oh, and Welcome Aboard!

[moved to haven from general autism discussion]

agree with fnord - bea is great, she really is. i'm not sure what advise i can give you as i have been going through the same thing myself, but i can tell you - you won't be alone with your experiences here.

welcome..

Firstly sorry for putting this in the wrong topic, I didn't know. I'll make sure everything else I do is in the correct places.

It's too late for a doctor's appointment now, but I don't think I would actually do anything. I've been like this for months and it's a constant feeling that I've gotten used to. It's almost like a part of me now, that's how it feels anyway.

I haven’t spoken to my counsellor for ages case life has been so hectic. I’ll give them a call tomorrow morning, there is a 24hr number to call but I don’t think its urgent.

I know Kip, I've grown so used to it it’s like it’s a parasite living on you, tormenting and draining you every day. That’s how it feels for me.

Thank you Bea, fnord and Kip.

Currently going through a lot of the same. One thing that helps me deal with the anxiety aspect is whenever I do something outside my comfort zone, I carefully and slowly prepare beforehand. Lay everything I need out in front of me, make sure I'm well-groomed, my clothes are neat, etc, and move slowly to keep myself from breaking down, as a hectic pace tends to just exacerbate the problem. Another thing is I list prime numbers or elements. It can help distract me in stressful situations and calm me down a bit.

I haven't really found much that helps with depression. Crying can be a short-term relief, but depending on how long you've been depressed, and your personal circumstances, this may not be an option. Hugging something cute and cuddly can also relieve it a bit in the short-term. Therapy helps over time, but if you're feeling suicidal, you might want to try finding the nearest friend or family who'll listen, and just pour your heart out. That can help a great deal, if you have access to friends/family who are amenable.

I also take bupropion as an anti-depressant, and clonazepam for anxiety. There are a lot of people who really don't want to take meds for these problems, but they're legitimate medical problems, and taking meds to ease them could mean the difference between spending 20 hours in bed/day for a week straight and being able to get up and do something.

If it's pressing, consider seeing if you can find a crisis center nearby. They can help connect you with resources, are usually chilled-out environments, and you can see a short-term therapist while you're there.

s**t's difficult, no cure-all, and usually a pervasive feeling that you need to "suck it up". Wish I could offer more, but depression and anxiety are a piping bowl of hot garbage that you're sort of stuck eating until it passes enough to matter. Just remember, no matter what anyone says, you have legitimate problems, and you shouldn't feel bad for hurting.

Not much helps me to be honest. I’m not motivated anymore so don’t do the things I used to enjoy, I just stay at home all day feeling anxious and getting exhausted easily. The problem I find is that there’s always something getting in the way or something new that comes up and distresses me. There have been a lot of health worries in my family recently and anything out of the normal that disrupts my routine really messes with me, sending me in to a frazzle that causes me bad anxiety and dark depression.

Those two combined with the Autism is a bad combination – and I keep getting bad stomachs as well as pains all over my body. My chest aches so much I worry I’m going to have a heart attack which stresses me even more. I also have IBS which causes me grief most days.

It doesn’t matter what I do, movie, book, music… Nothing relaxes or clears my mind. I used to be a part of a local group which had other people with Autism, but I haven’t been there for seven + months. I have severe Emetophobia and when one of them said they felt sick I never went back.

Autism and my other problems rule my life and have done since I was eighteen. I’ll speak to my counsellor tomorrow but we’ll see if they can help me. I have my doubts. Sometimes it feels like I’ll never get better. Nobody ever seems to relate to my problems. My family hardly understand me, they try but it’s impossible for them to fully feel and understand me.

I try to improve but it’s like I’m on a hill and go forwards but then fall back to the bottom. I feel ashamed that I’ve got this way.

Sweet baby jesus, I know those feels. I've felt like I was irreparably broken since I was 13 or 14, and people either dismissed what I was relating to them or couldn't understand it. I really wish I had something more substantial to tell you, but I can't say something as a trite as "it gets better".

I'd recommend talking to your counselor about distraction techniques. Like I said earlier, I list prime numbers and elements to calm me down when I'm feeling extremely anxious. Some people play word games, do puzzles like sudoku or crosswords, or try to find everything in their environment of a certain color. If you can engage your brain with a task that forces your attention away from the anxiety - any task - it goes a great deal to helping control it. You basically just have to do that on repeat until your brain starts listening to you, which is bloody difficult, but definitely worth it.

I can't speak to the pain, and the depression has been far harder to manage than the anxiety. Another thing that helps short-term for depression is just eating a good meal. If you don't have money, that makes it much more difficult, but stuffing yourself full of chinese food can help a little bit.

Don't feel ashamed, it's your brain being a dick, not you being a failure. Brains are stupid, don't like changing, and the more they malfunction, the more they become prone to malfunctioning. Especially difficult when you have something like autism that reduces your physiological capacity for mood modulation. Again, sorry I can't offer anything more substantial. All I can say here is you have no reason to be ashamed for feeling miserable, that'll only make you feel more miserable. Your brain is a dick that's addicted to dozens of mood chemicals, and when it can't get its fix, it punishes you.

Angel 6 darl'n, the fact that you put this out there shows that you are strong and courageous, and most importantly that you are loved. I do not have more advise or words of wisdom that haven't already been posted here. There are so many compassionate souls here for you. What I can tell you is that there was a period in my life when I had to look up to see the bottom, my energy for living was below zero. I figured out how and when I would end the misery, but something kept me from going through with my plan. That my faith was the thread I clung to. The one other thing that I can tell you from direct experience is that dying is not all that great. Four years ago I suffered an aortic aneurism rupture that should have killed me on the spot. I had to be resuscitated twice at the hospital and was dead for more than a few minutes. Recovery has been slow, painful, and psychologically stressing, but.........I am grateful for every breath I take, to feel the sun on my face is a wonder. Life in all its heartache and misery remains a miracle. You are here for a reason, your life has meaning, and you are loved. Please don't forget that.

Huh, funny. I mean, none of what you said was funny, it's pretty awful, but it's always been my lack of faith that's prevented me from offing myself. I can't stand the idea that I would have lived, experienced hell, then had my mind go poof into the ether. The thing that's kept me going through a half-dozen near-suicides has been the anger that boils up when I think of the injustice of that.

wtf, again my alter egos are having a field day? sorry, that was a low energy attempt at joking about serious s**t. got my last cramp yesterday. fresh off it, ya. but it can be adressed, just takes a LOT of work and whole world of support and assistance. i am living with disability, ptsd and lack of emotional returns from anybody in my real life. i want it to end for a long time, but still drag on. sorry, i cant write much today. 1 meltdown per day is bad enough and i dont have any energy left to get thru a second one. i have friends who support me over the net, but they need rest too... and i take a LOT to keep me afloat. is there hope? sometimes i think so. sometimes i dont. just have to get thru another day cycle.and the next one.

I used to be suicidal and planned different ways to do it. I found commiting myself to the mental hospital helped. I dont know why it helped. Maybe because it forced me to be around people. Maybe it was the drugs they gave me. It was a nice long break from reality. They let me stay in there for a couple of months.

Thats all it helped with though. Like you I dont think anything will work. Im not happy. At least Im content though. My medication is helping me not be overwhelmed. But I dont think anything will work to make me happy. At least Im not suicidal anymore.

Here's deal folks. There are no treatments nor are there any medications that can make you happy if you do not choose to be happy. While we do not choose to have anxiety/OCD/autism/ASD/PTSD/etc. we do have the choice in how we deal with those conditions/disorders/diseases. Life is what you make it, choose to make it the best possible life that you can; seek therapy (in patient or out patient), seek out additional treatments such as acupuncture, make dietary changes, change your routine, walk w/ nature, take charge and responsibility for you life. I will not argue that for many of us life sucks big time! But we are alive, we can choose to make our lives better and in doing so make the lives of those around us, those who love us better.

Don't worry! It's not an issue, and you did nothing wrong.

Angel, depression is an insidious and painful thing, but it can get better. I'll push the doctor option again, since things like diet and lack of sleep and exercise may aggravate any depressive disorder. The trick is to find out exactly which disorder is affecting you.

You're among friends here, so keep in touch!

well put Donald Morton. somewhat my point but made in much more energetic and positive manner. im better today, sorry to say it on a wrong topic. endorphine dips come and go. when they come, gotta hold on and let it wash over. i have codestuff made up, when i cant talk directly (and that happens a lot. thats the trickery of that state, u might get selective mute and unable to cry for help in conventional ways. but codewords can help. a lot.) i have a few different codes just in case one of them gets blocked. looping new ppl in is uneasy process, though. but well then the very fact that i need to loop somebody in counts, m? so ya baserule. be in informational access (if u cant have somebody oversee u irl). invent ways to tell ppl whats happening to u. i can let anybody who wants in my own system, but mind that its... specific. u'd have to put up with the mess of me and several other people, who all can have bad dips/flips/rounds. also need a dischord app, because that is our main way of communication. lets say its somewhat of a therapy group online. making do with what i can get, ya. sorry for crampled posts. i mean, i want to help, and dont want to hurt, and my group is specific. anybody who wants in is welcome to it as long as they feel okay with us.

My counsellor was a little off, didn't want to know me. But I explained my situation to my GP over the phone and she's coming out to see me tomorrow, she seemed concerned so hopefully I'll be able to get some help.

I don't sleep the best. Always tired, even after a good night's sleep. My diet is appalling, I usually just live of bread and orange juice and maybe have a cooked meal from time to time. The nice thing is my GP did say she can help me so hopefully she can. I feel a little brighter today but the tiredness is destroying me, I lack the energy to do things. I'll know more tomorrow. I'll keep you all informed.