exclusive coverage of my wimpy suicide attempt within!

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I've been out of school sick for the past two days, and I got a lot better this afternoon. When I thought that I would have to go to school tomorrow, I was plunged into a black, existential despair. I looked outside onto the gorgeous sunlit day that I could not venture into due to my hay fever, pondering my imprisonment as a metaphor for life. So I slit my wrist.

Well, 'slit' may not be the word I'm looking for; 'sawed at' would be more accurate, as I ran a knife over the same place for thirty minutes, scraping off the first two layers of skin but not drawing blood. Either our knives are very dull or I wasn't determined enough. My mother was absolutely horrified.

After an emergency therapy appointment, it was determined that this was a dramatic form of school refusal. My mother is going to get an IEP for me.

I can't study anymore, even the subjects I cherish. Anything associated with school nauseates me. This includes books. I've stopped doing my homework. I just come home and drink nighttime cold medicine so that I fall asleep immediately.

No one bullies me. Some people are nice to me. I am just very, very lonely.

Awe *hugs* I know exactly how that feels. I've had very similar experiences myself. This one time I was at school and got completely overwhelmed about the amount of work and the people there so I went and locked myself in the bathroom. While I was in there, I cut myself on the wrist with a piece of glass. I actually ended up going to the hospital afterwards. So yeah, you're not alone. School can be really tough sometimes. The best thing you could do right now is just give yourself a break and take it easy. Hang in there!

-AJ

I was just thinking about doing that myself for the same reason - loneliness. But I won't (I think). Neither should you. Hang in there. xx

Yeah, next time use the steak knife and not the butter knife. I kid, of course. Stress from school can be overwhelming, especially when you perceive that you are not achieving the goals that you wanted and are frustrated that no one can or will help. All in all resulting in bottling up.

I remember hitting that nadir, at age 17. Instead of slitting my wrists or actually directly causing harm to myself, I went to my bedroom and lay on my bed motionless. Motionless for 5 hours, not blinking, not twitching an eye not batting at anything. Not responding on any queue. It was a plea that I couldn't say, I was left emoting and left my dad to figure it out. He figured it out only after subjecting me to a beating where I was lapsing in and out of unconsciousness. He stopped and then realised what was wrong and I was taken to the hospital. I was only diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. Oh well.

Just a little story to share, since it draws on a few parallels with your story. However, it would be more correct to draw an analogy to my younger sister's suicide attempts with the bottles of pills she would try with. However, I can't draw the analogy there because I don't know enough about her attempts and why she tried. I just want to say that I do understand the tribulations that you are going through with regards to school.

You only got sick of school at what, tenth grade?

I haven't had homework since grade 5. Special education rocks!

I've never had friends at school, getting a job was the perfect cure for that. Everyone's my friend at work.

What are the things that still keep you alive?

School is not set up for taking personal leave, but there are better ways. Mondays are not that bad, it is the ending of the weekend freedom that bites.

You may be lonely in your local world, but you are well liked here. That may be part of the problem, everything here seems so normal, there is a relaxation, and the world finds us with defenses down.

You mentioned losing your steely edge, the character that helped you to survive, and I too have gone a bit soft since being here.

The world comes creeping in, catches us by surprise. Action must be taken, and you voted.

Education can destroy a love of learning. Older people I have known who went back to College report that they stopped reading for enjoyment, when it was assigned as work, and it took several years out before they read for enjoyment.

There is the drive to get through mainstream school, no matter the costs, but driving too fast usually turns out bad. Your mind is chosing, it needs development time, naps and rest.

We are all prisoners here, of our own device.

You lucky one are at the point where growing up, school, is hard on many, then throw in some other issues, and you turn off onto another road.

It is all a mess, it is not all a mess. All at once is not working, other parts are fighting for survival.

Your methods are shocking but effective, but stopping some things is not the root, you need some me time, body and mind , and hay fever, watching grass grow.

You are not you, it changes so fast at your age, but each is an important step, one must be the first half of sixteen to do the second half properly. Without intergrating self, you will be lost forever.

The new goal has to be being happy being yourself, and then you can think about taking on other things.

You doing well is not measured by anyone elses clock. You have expressed that you are more important.

Drop the school work, get some sleep, for nothing works till you are happy being you. High School is not that important, and I think you could pass without any study.

Till June, one more year? Work it that you can take the finals, and think about who you are in Sept.

Is early admission to a university possible? Life does get better. University is three days a week, and even Freshmen are a better class of people.

Lots of psychological hugs to you, and caring.

Stop it!

(((((HUG)))))

I hated school.

I love my life now.

I have a recurring nightmare that I get a phone call and am told that my school certificates have been lost and they will take away my university degree if I don't resit all my school exams.

In my nightmare I have to go back to school. AAAAAAAAAAARGH!

I see all the extremely stressed highschool students at Taekwondo and I feel sorry for them!

Helen

Hey hunni I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through the same thing and I self-harm myself. The knives we have in our kitchen are sharp (yay lol) and I have my own special 'cutting knife' which is a butchers knife I bought from my local supermarket... I can buy them of course, I'm of age!

I don't just cut myself though... I bite myself, scratch myself and I dunno what else.

I really want to stop, and I am getting help to do that.

I will not feel a compulsion toward self-harm. Some people take a bizarre yet understandable masochistic pleasure in self-harm; I just found the stinging sensation annoying.

I had bad sensory integration dysfunction when I was little. I bit myself a lot because of my high pain threshold. Now my pain threshold is almost average (though my internal thermometer is still all screwy). This was all emotion.

More hugs, good thoughts and hope to you.

Update: Stupid cut is infected

You will never get along with anything calling it stupid. You brought it into the world, it was good and did what you wanted, no reason to get hostile and abusive.

Now thank it for getting you what you wanted, and it can go away happy.

Thoughts and words have power.

*hugs*
I know how tough school can be. You might be depressed, and not motivated to go to school. It could be something else to. Just keep your chin up, and know that us WP members are here for you *hugs again*