No free will

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I am trapped in between what other people think. Especially my sister who thinks she can dominate me because she's always "right" and my brother who is her horrible minion (who she CAN'T dominate, so I'm jealous of that)

I am upset with no free will, I live at home, I never graduated high school, I care too much and have emotions that can turn on a dime, I'm upset to be healthy because I'm troubled by my hormones, so I wish to be immensely underweight so I won't have this trouble.

Just do what you want. f**k your sister.


Oops; I didn't mean go f**k your sister; I meant, you know, f**k her.

I don't know how to do that, I'm no rebel, I always end up crying from my hormone problem. And also, her minion, my brother will take over.

I'm much too soft to say "f**k you" to people, maybe you could come over and beat it out of me with an aluminum bat?

My (s)mother is that way. Very dominating- she has narcissistic personality disorder. For most of my life I thought she spoke the truth and was just honest with me and that I was weak and that's why it bothered me/hurt me.

Turns out she is the one with the problem. She treats everyone like they are in her own personal puppet show and is very manipulative and hurtful.

I had to find something that I was good at (I make jewelry), that was completely devoid of her and her influence and presence, and I had to build up proof (for me) that other people believed in me, to the point that I started believing in myself. It took lots of distance (physical and emotional) to achieve this, but now I finally feel like I have differentiated myself from my mother- which is something that most kids do when they are very young, not at 33 years old! It also means that she can say whatever she wants, but I can see her weakness in her nastiness, and that is quite empowering.

Maybe now I can cultivate a relationship of some sort with my father, but I doubt it as she still has her talons/claws in him and feeds him carefully manipulated information and he, in a way, becomes her minion.

Perhaps this doesn't offer any advice, but I figured that I would share my experience.

ps. Ana54. I totally read that the wrong way! thanks for correcting!

Maybe I feel inferior because I am a sex addict.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality#Neurochemical_theories



And I'm serious about the aluminum bat, I wanted to be beaten up to get rid of my caring attitude, or at least be drugged.

The only time I have ever been without emotion is when they put me on lithium because a doctor 10 years previous had diagnosed me as bipolar (As I was coming out of a coma and septic shock and found out I was missing almost 2 weeks of my life- yeah, I was pretty angry...not so much at the loss of 2 weeks initially but I thought someone had prematurely ripped 10 pages off of the page a day calender. Which really does not make me a happy camper... Needless to say, I was pissed!) so another doctor thought that we should try it (turns out I had a giant tumor on my parathyroid causing all sorts of mayhem and bipolar symptoms, but not much in the way of mania).

I was so flat that I felt even more freakish even saying "thank you" to the lady at the checkout counter.

The lack of emotion, the flatness, was terrible. My negative emotions (typically sadness)tend to be brisk in passing (but frequent!), but that emotional flatness was hell that I couldn't express to anyone. It was a nice vacation from my dramas, but after a couple of weeks I wanted to be able to react to things again...

I need to not post here anymore, because I'm looking for a bad influence to give me bad advice and tell me where to get drugs or beat me with said baseball bat I mentioned earlier.

I think you need a hug-ya know
your a really sweet person, seriously

My mom is a b***h, she says to go out and mess with the police and they'll beat me. I want a beating from CRIMINALS! The worst influences EVER! She says beatings won't work on me because I am too old and have what she likes to believe is a "strong spirit" HA! If the hag only knew I can be weak willed at ANY age, because age has NOTHING to do with it whatsoever.

it doesn't but I see good characteristics in you
your just sad, and thats fine-but you gotta think of what will make you truly happy
I know you know what you really want in life

Go to Youtube, type in swearing chipmunks,(I know your simple minded sense of humor, yet you deny it.) then laugh yourself silly.

That's it? Maybe, I should become someone's slave! You'd be SURPRISED at what someone can make me do when they know the exact buttons to push.

You need to see a Therapist. However you can work it out, you need some counseling.

All my therapists quit on me because of my indecisive nature, they think I'm BS-ing them so they quit. Besides, I got no money at the moment, but desperate to stoop to illegal ways of earning it.