Rants

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I hate my life. I try to branch out and do more and things just blow up in my face.

why don't people THINK anymore?!

Some random moaned about me parking outside their house whilst (presumably their wife) was shouting him to get back inside. I'm sure he felt he was making some profound point but it pissed me off for the whole day and it's still in my head now. I hope the issue will now simmer here in the vaults of the Haven and die away, the same way it does after thirty seconds with normal people. I even moved my car

Why am I so angry?

Why do other people tolerate things quite well and I just IMPLODE!

I don't like being this grumpy. I'm not one of those people who enjoy being miserable, I just don't know any different. It's like I was born grumpy.

Dear Aunt,

I choose the people I respect. You are not now, nor will you ever be one of those people. Considering until recently I only ever saw you once a year(at most), it's absurd for to try to 'parent' me at age 25. Not only do I run my mother's household at all times in her place(even when she was married) but also your parent's. No one likes or trusts. You contribute nothing more than a headache. Do us all a favor and f**k off back to wherever you came from.

--Thanks

I hate all the stupid, lazy, useless f***s I've ever had the displeasure of working with who get away with their bs just because they're gifted at asskissing and I hate all those bosses with pathetic egos who actually fall for it. I mean come on, you know it's BS, how f*****g fragile must your ego be to just go along with it?!

....

I'm tired of people telling me that I'm not something I'm sure I am. I'm not a happy person. It's called a facade. Don't tell me that I've never experience depression and that I know nothing about it.

I know that I have a problem, and everyday I see more and more evidence that it actually exists. Don't tell me that I'm too perky and outgoing to not have what I have. Even in laughter the heart may be in pain.

I'm not stupid and I do my research. I don't blindly say things that I don't have full evidence of. If you know me from school, from seeing me three or four days a week for a total of 2 years, please don't feel that you know me.

Nobody on WP would want to live with me. I'm too gross.

I'm a reverse Transformer. I'm a human-in-disguise.

My affect is too flat. People question my ability to feel emotions. I can sort of relate to people. I can't show it, though.

Whiney f*****g teenagers

I feel very anxious today, and very tired.

You have no idea how much it still bothers me. I love you with every inch of my soul, and even though you're mine, I still think of him.

I think of what would have happened had you gone on that trip with me and him. I think of what would have happened had I succeeded in hiding my emotions, again, on that night.

I think of things that make no sense, that cause me endless torment and discomfort, and are only dispelled when they're confronted directly.

But I love you, so you'll never know.

You can't know. I have to keep hiding it.

I have to keep blocking out the thoughts. I have to keep fighting them. I know you love me, more than you can put into words. You've said so. I've seen you cry before leaving my house, just because you don't want to leave my side.

I feel as though I've found my better half, but I'm so afraid of losing you. For any reason. I work so hard to keep you with me. I do everything in my power to please you, in any way, shape or form, until it becomes degrading. There's very few things I wouldn't do for you.

Never reaffirm my fears. Never hurt me. I know you won't. But I'm afraid, constantly afraid. And it'll only stop when he's gone.

You were with me when I went through therapy for this. Or at least you heard about it. But there's still bits and pieces. Still fragments, still shards of that day lodged into my mind. The tiniest insecurity flares up into a discomfort storm, and I can't stop it.

The truth is, I never totally got over it. I got enough done with it to be healthy again. To function again. But it still burns, like a raging flame that nothing can put out. I'm sorry. I only hope time, or more love, will make this go away. I love you baby. You know that. I'm sorry if this ever shows, in any way.

Let's fly away together.

This girl at my school HATES me! Her helper loves her to bits. They are the best of friends.

She has 2 helpers and they both hate me a lot. I talked to my friend about this and she just said
"Well, it's not that she dislikes you, your personalities just don't mix". OK, yeah, she's right, our personalities DON'T mix very well, but that doesn't mean that the person doesn't hate me. I know she does!

People always think i'm pissed off, because of the "perma-scowl" on my face. Seriously, I could be in utter bliss and still look homicidal. It really gets in the way in job interviews and dates. Of course, my 230lb frame, shaved head, septum ring, Slayer T-shirt, and camo pants may not help