Rants

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I went to get my hair cut today because I had a coupon that was about to expire. Last time I got it cut, it actually went pretty well, so I was hopeful it would be the same this time. Unfortunately, the lady who cut my hair last time wasn't there, so I had to get it cut by someone else.

First, she asked how I wanted it. I have difficulty explaining how I want it cut, and usually they just look at what's in their computer and ask if I want it cut that way, but this lady insisted on me explaining it. So after that was over with and she was cutting it, she found it necessary to keep asking me personal questions and she wouldn't give up.

She asked where I worked and I was too embarrassed to tell her I don't have a job, so I lied and said I was still working at my old job. I don't like to lie, so I felt really guilty after that. She asked me about my college education, and I told her I had never completed it. And then she asked what I'm doing this weekend. I couldn't think of anything so I said I was going to the zoo. "Oh, you must have kids then, are you married?" she asked. I told her no. This woman insisted on touching every sensitive emotional nerve I've got.

I had to stop the questions, so I latched onto the zoo thing and started telling her about my favorite zoo animals, I went on and on until I realized that this might seem like the type of dialog that a child would have. She quit asking questions after that, and I felt like a 5 year old through the rest of the hair cut.

On the upside, it did end, and she actually did a pretty good job on the cut. It was shorter than what I wanted though, but I didn't care, I just wanted out of there.

I'm seriously considering home buzz cuts for the summer.

The things I regret, nowadays, are the things that I did NOT do, rather than the things I did do.

I wish I hadn't spent most of my life too paralyzed by anxiety to take risks. I started out very mature for my age, but now, I feel so much younger than my peers. I wish that I had gotten help sooner. I wish that I had told my parents that I needed help sooner. I wish my parents had FORCED me to get help sooner, whether I wanted it or not. I wish my parents had made me go to that social skills class in fourth grade, and had just had more power, in general, to make me do things that I didn't want to do, but that would have been good for me.

I wish I had been more open minded about "help" and all that comes with it. I hope it's not too late.

If my brain wasn't so EPIC FAIL, or if I'd learned earlier in life to manage it instead of trying to beat it into normality, I wouldn't be in the position I am now with regards to my academic future.

I wish he would stop flippin' BS-ing me all the time. DO YOU LIKE ME OR NOT? Wonderful I have a headache and no one to talk to...
Maybe I should just get the freak out of Fantasyland.

I've been struggling with a social problem for several months and I'm frustrated and I need to articulate this...

Im in a band with three other people. They are my best friends. One of these friends, (I will call him Eric), has become very difficult to get along with. (He is also the only one of us who I do not suspect to be on the spectrum.)

Eric is a pain in the ass. He used to be nicer and friendlier and now he seems to enjoy being bossy and arrogant. He likes to make rules for us, as if he's the only one of us who sees things clearly. He thinks in extremes, and never realizes when he's gone too far. His aggressive attitude is making me feel less comfortable all the time. I'm afraid to offer my opinions for fear that he will strongly object and assert an opposing view out of nowhere. The worst thing is that he seems to be slowly accumulating more power in our group.

Then there's "Tom", who is our de facto leader. He's sensitive and awkward and exceptionally friendly. He's the glue in our group. He's also known Eric a little longer the rest of us. I thought my issue with Eric was all in my head until very recently when Tom revealed to me that he feels exactly the same way about him. Eric is a little more aggressive towards Tom than he is to me.

The final member is "Abe." Eric and Abe get along very well because Abe is Eric's favorite. Abe doesn't take sides; he's very easy to get along with. Unfortunately I don't think he can see what bothers us about Eric. Maybe he does. I'm afraid to discuss it with him because I don't like secrets but it may get to that.

So that's a snapshot of the current group dynamic.

My problem is that the more I think about Eric and his behavior, the less I like him. In fact, I nearly hate him at this point. This entire issue makes me realize that he's always been very different from me and our personalities may be incompatible. If I approach him and explain why he has been bothering me, it will be as if I am asking him to change his personality.

I feel embarrassed that I can't decide whether I want Eric to change or simply go away. When I'm honest with myself I realize that I wouldn't be his friend if we weren't a part of the same group. He's fast-and-loud and I'm slow-and-quiet. He's exhausting to be around.

thanks for letting me rant

i am so p!ssed off at people getting enraged because i could not be bothered to continue conversation with them.

i have 1 friend, and he has something wrong with him i have always been sure. he is the only person who rings me up constantly and desperately to try to get my opinion about what is happening in his life.

i have known him since i was 12 and he was 15. he and i are not at all similar, but he sees me as having some "mysterious analytical power", and he has always asked me to process with my mind, the data that he feeds to me about girls that he is interested in, and who he thinks are interested in him.

he falls madly in love with any girl that shows him any attention, and he is too fvcked up to play the NT "game of love" correctly, and as a result, he is always "heartbroken".

he is very NT.

he lives in a world of "vibes" and superstition. he often rings me and tells me what "vibes" are harassing him that are coming from whatever girl he is interested in at the time.

i know nothing of vibes, so i try to ask him what circumstances transpired earlier between him and her that may account for why he gives credence to these "vibes" he believes he is feeling.
he often tells me, and then we puzzle out (with me as the primary analyst) what could be the case between "her" (whatever girl it is at the time) and him.

i never meet these girls because he does not want them to meet me. i think it is because i know all his flaws, and he does not want me to start chatting to them.

through all these years, he has always lamented the fact that the girls he is attracted to do not feel the same way about him.
he thinks he almost owns their soul. he reasons things out like (from tonight):

him: god! she's so......you know?

me: no.

him: me and her have a past life connection. we must have been husband and wife in our past lives because she just grips my soul so hard.

me: does she know this?

him: what are you trying to do?!?!? sabotage this feeling? why would you ask that?!?!

me: because i would suspect that it is not a mutual feeling, otherwise you would not be complaining to me about it.

him: (angrily) are you serious?!?!? how can you be so callous ?!?!?

me: i am not being callous! does she share your views or not? if she does not, then you will look like you are psychiatrically sick to her perhaps. that is all i am trying to...

him: how dare you!! ! you think you're so damned....[garble because i started to talk then]

me: so obviously she does not share your views .

him: how in hell do you come to the conclusion that she doesn't share my views?!?

me: because you went beserk and said anxiety ridden words when i asked you whether she shared your views.

him: who do you think you are ?!?!.........................i mean for f***s sake man! do you think that you can understand what is really going on from what i told you........

me: no i can not understand it and i am going to hang up now. i am sick of wasting my thought power on why your infertile soul grows nothing that is nutritious to anyone. ("uh oh" i thought, "i have gone too far there")

anyway i hung up, and i got a call 20 seconds later, and it was him, and i could not tell what he was saying because the speaker in the head set was distorting because it could not handle how loudly he was screaming into his mouthpiece.

when he finished his screeching whatever that i did not follow, i interjected that i could not understand him and i suggested we talk another day, and i re hung up and i then disconnected my phone from the wall socket.

i hope he does not come up to my place and try to "beat" some sense into me.
he get more dangerous to know as he gets older.

my place is as secure almost as fort knox , so i do not worry that i may be hurt.
but i am very tired of being the butt of people's anger when i have no interest in the actual reason why they are annoyed.

he can go and run off a cliff while i go to "beddy byes".

I hate it that NTs worry so much about the slightest embarrassing things when they don't even have to go through the extreme embarrassment of realizing how much you talked about your special interests and how dorky you seemed.

i wish i could jam up other people's little radar detecters. -i wish i could banter- ummm i don't wanna put on an act anymore, i wanna be at peace, with my f***Ing needs met. im sick of feeling so incredibly different from *everyone*. i think im too individualistic. weird how i'm actually in an alright mood right now too - i guess these things really don't just go away

*edit: blah blah blah

I was having major problems on another site/forum earlier. Some hypocrite kept tolling my post insulting & disagreeing with everything I posted even when disagreeing with me contradicted something she posted earlier. Kind of ironic how someone who gloats about what a wild slut she is accuses me of being a misogynist pedophile. I don't hate women; I hate crazy b!tches who troll others & accuse them of being trolls. Said my asexuality doesn't make me better than her when I never acted like I was better than her. Then said how she really wishes she could kill me because I'm a dangerous pedophile. How the hell can I be asexual & a pedophile She threatens to kill me & says I'm dangerous I had problems with some of the other members there to at 1st but we started getting along. I deleted my account because problems with her were bringing me down there. She had been there a long while & didn't seem to be a troll with anyone else. I have a knack for attracting trolls & turning people with attitudes into trolls.

I hate that so, so many threads on this site are all about sex!! This is an autism site, go away and make your own goddamn sex forum site!!

I just found out that I'm probably going to be stuck in the same apartment for another year. I can't take it in here!!

If you read my thread I started in the Work category, you'll know my husband doesn't have a job. My family is FOREVER bringing this up. Because of this, we don't have much money for rent. so we live in a 280 square foot studio apartment (no kitchen) and have been here for a year and about 5 months.

Recently, my grandpa, who has dementia, burnt down (well, tried to) one of his rental properties. my grandma is moving into that house once my uncle fixes it, and the plan was for me and my husband to inhabit the upstairs while grandma lives downstairs.

Unfortunately, my uncle, and not my grandma, is doing the fix-up-the-house and has been given the title of "house manager". He doesn't like that my husbad doesn't have a job (despite the fact that HE is technically unemployed currently) and has said as long as my husband doesn't have a job, we can't live there.

Which is a problem becuase I CAN NOT continue for a third year to live in this apartment. it's tiny, and I have a hard time keeping a normal-sized living area clean, much less take away space and make it all compacted. Not to mention I eat "college food" because there's no kitchen and there are days when I just can't eat anything because the very idea of eating more mac and cheese/pizza/raman/chicken nuggets/ect is enough to make me nausious. I NEEED to get out of here and be able to have proper dinners. and breakfasts.

That's actually a good point.. read like 3 topics in the love and dating forum, saw OMG SEX RAGAHGAGHRHGH then the adult autism issues forum... I'll never understand, but whatever.

Here's my rant, Why the hell is saturday and sunday the worst days of the week to me? I work at 12am usually and normally my ass would be on a forklift moving some pallet around right now, but instead it's my day off. Why is that a bad thing? I can't fathom being awake right now, there's literally nothing to do, I'm bored, not tired, I can't move around at risk of waking up several other people. I'd rather be at work, working. Is that sad? Yes. Yes it is.

I know the feeling. At one point a few years ago I got a second job just to occupy my weekends. I figure I might as well be getting paid if I'm going to be bored out of my skull

I hate it when my parents assume I can't do things just because they think I can't cope from my disability.

Not only due it upset me but they prove a point by making me so angry and just walking away....how can they be so arrogant sometimes?

They don't know what I go through sometimes and to assume I can't do something just because of my Aspergers really makes me upset.

Sorry for the rant...wanted it off my chest. I love them but they have to stop sounding so stupid.

I am very peeved at one Joshua fellow. Where the f**k is he at? If he's so busy, surely it's not too much to ask for him to shoot me a short message to tell me things are ok. Why does he like to leave me there wondering if I said something wrong to make him f**k off? What makes him think he's worth the anguish?