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i rang pizza hut on 9481 1111, and i got a recorded message from a zany sounding girl that said "hi there". "the number for pizza hut has changed. the new number for pizza hut is one - three hundred - pizza hut".

well bugger that!! i hung up in disgust and i went to mcdonald's instead because i have no "three hundred" button on my telephone.

mcdonald's does not home deliver (the bastards). even if they did, i would not order a home delivery because i know they would not get it here fast enough (the bastards again).

i would not eat a mcdonald's order that is not entirely freshly cooked because mcdonalds food slumps into an inedible heap within minutes of it being cooked.

when i go to mcdonalds, i always order something that i know they will have to cook especially for me.

if i get a big mac, i order it with 1/2 shot of sauce. if i get a quarter pounder with cheese, i order it with no pickles.

if i get fries, i order them to be unsalted, and i also order a sachet of salt. they automatically salt the fries as soon as they are ready, so if i order unsalted ones, they must cook a new batch for me, and then i salt them myself.

there is not much i can do about the hot apple pies however. i feel so helpless about the fact that i must take whatever apple pie is next in line.

i do like their hot apple pies, but i do not like to a greater extent being helpless to influence the freshness of the one i am given, so i refrain from ordering them nowadays. if mr mcdonald could listen to, and address my gripes about the fact that sometimes i get apple pies that are almost cold, he would make at least $50 more per year with my more regular consumption of them.

what a fool.
what a world.

This nearly gave me a heart attack.

My chem teacher just sent an angry email to me and some other students that basically says "OMG WTF Y U NO BRING YOUR LAB BOOKS HOME TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK, I AM DISAPPOINT. COME IN BEFORE SCHOOL TOMORROW OR NO CREDIT FOR YOU. P.S. I HATE ALL OF YOU."
I thought, "Isn't the lab homework due on Thursday?" So I tried to get a hold of my classmates on Facebook, but they were all not there.
Finally, I managed to ask a classmate when she got online, and she confirmed that for our class, the homework was due on Thursday.
Three full hours of nervousness. If that lab had been due tomorrow instead of Thursday, my grade would have dropped to an F.

Who would do this?

I'm screwed for my maths exam, I have six hours of maths exams in two days, and for the first paper I know one out of eight questions to a decent degree

This weekend my boyfriend is spending the whole weekend with his idiot friends again, he works full time and all week, so the weekend is meant to be time for me and him. They have been inviting him out more often and I have been feeling very lonely. Going through a very tough time right now, been looking for a job for a very long time now with no success. Boyfriend's mum hates me and wants to kick me out (btw retired), since I have no support I will be left on the streets. Back to idiot friends, they avoid me because I give this impresssion I'm depressive and no fun to hang with. I have lost all of my friends since dating my boyfriend, this is not his fault, they either drifted away or they were terrible friends that needed to go anyway. So everytime he goes out with his friends I feel jealous and a bit rejected. Been spending a week of my holidays so far just sitting in his room either writing my essay or on the internet while my school friends are going out to wonderful places. It's no fun, I need a social life and I think I'm going crazy not having friends around me. Loneliness is the worst kind of feeling FML

drank 2 liters of coke, ate a tonne of sugar, getting a lot of study done

I already ranted today about something and got a bunch of haters. *sigh* I shouldn't express my opinions anymore. I'm not even joking.

Not getting accepted into National Honor Society (probably unfairly), chem teacher sending me an angry email, finding out that some girl who can't sing to save her life is going to sing the song I've always wanted to sing next week (on a stage to the entire school), not going to prom despite having a dress, and having a four-year-old annoy the sh*t out of me when I was volunteering at the hospital instead of going to prom. I'm sure glad this week is over.

I have too much to do at work. I have too much to do at home. I feel unappreciated. I feel like a robot. I feel empty. I don't know where my life is going. I take care of other people all the time but I need to be taken care of. Blah blah blah.

I know this has been done hundreds of times, but I got to rant about my parents. I mean my dad is always whining constantly, about everything, his job, the house, cleaning, how people don't thank him enough for being so damned wonderful and intelligent and caring. But really he's incredibly selfish, he's always putting everyone down, always calling everyone stupid and ret*d, always calling me fat and out of shape, even though I lost 50 lbs, and exercise regularly and intend to lose 40 lbs more, always putting my mom down, even though my mom has a college education, and he is a police officer with a high school education. And I don't remember him once giving anyone in my family a compliment or encouragement or helping us to improve us as human beings. As a little kid, he was always insulting me for not being tough, and being weird, so he forced me to play baseball, a sport I hated and found boring, so I quit, and ever since that, he hated me for not being a "real" boy, for being a p****, and started to ignore me. Nothing I did could appease him. So when I entered high school, I joined the football team to try and become a man, like he wanted me too,but rather than congragulate me, he insulted, said I wouldn't make it, and when I asked him for help and football advice, he insulted me and called me a p****, said I wouldn't stick with the football team all four years. Well I stuck with the football team all four years, and even then he never gave me any praise, saying how I never got accepted to any division 1 colleges and only a few division 3s, said I wasted my time. a**hole.

My mom is much worse. She used to beat me all the time if I didn't get straight A's in middle school and high school, and she is mentally unstable, constantly screaming like a crazy woman when she didn't get her way. She was beating me because I guess my dad beat her when I was younger, as well as cheat on her constantly. I really hate thinking about this as I write it. I also made a realization about myself and school work, and that realisation is that my excelling in schoolwork was motivated by fear and not real passion, not to say I didn't have some subjects I enjoyed, such as politics and social justice, but when I went off to college and didn't have to worry about my mom attacking me, I suddently realised that I procastinated much more. I know question myself about college: Do I really want to be here, or is it because my parents want to be here?

This is difficult for me to write, as I never wrote this down before, I used to think my family situation is normal, but as I educate myself about domestic abuse in families, I realise how abnormal and dysfuntional my situation is, and how it has led to a host of problems, from my trust issues to me being a stoic. I don't want anyone to feel pity for me, as I hate pity, I'm just finally fed up with bottling inside me and now got to I let it out or I'm going to explode

Ok, I'm going for it.

I feel like despite everything I've done and worked towards, despite putting in the hard yards and basically half killing myself to EARN the life I always wanted (independent, studying, having a singing career), I've lost everything just before I had it made. I can't understand why my life has to be like this, and I f*****g hate how other people can put in half the effort I do and manage to achieve things and live in ways I can only dream about. I feel utterly destroyed that I've had to swallow my pride - after spending months working in torturous retail jobs, having mental breakdowns, major depression, and earning my right to a student allowance - and apply for a disability support pension. Why the f**k did I bother, and suffer. I should have just applied in the first place.

I've had to drop out of uni completely, and even if I go back I can never complete my degree in the time frame originally planned - this now adds a MINIMUM of two years onto it, I've had to drop all my singing commitments when I got the first opportunity ever to be an inhouse performer for a restaurant, and I haven't even been able to do my normal singing job (which has been part of my routine for over 2 years) for the first time ever. When I finally was able to rent out my own flat, I've only gotten to live in it for a few months, and now i'm forced out of there and am living at my parents house because I can't look after myself any more. I can't see any of my friends, or even talk to people on the phone, and I'll be surprised if I have any local friendships left by the time I recover (IF) I recover from this. I've never had such a bad breakdown in my life, I've spent weeks and weeks sitting on my arse doing nothing, I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm steadily gaining weight and I'm currently heavier than I've ever been in my life and I feel like I'm suffocating, every day is torturous tedium because I can't focus enough to achieve ANYTHING meaningful or worthwhile, I have constant anxiety attacks, paralysis, fatigue, insomnia. I think I'm also sinking into major depression. The worst part is I have no motivation. In part, I am doing this to myself for reasons I don't understand. I've never so completely lost my motivation to do anything like this before. That makes it harder to bear.

I don't feel better after writing this. I want my life back.