Why is it that I'm still younger inside...

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I know I've said this before, but now I guess I can shoot myself now... if only I had a bullet. On the plus side, I can have relations with those UNDER the age of majority, and no one will suspect a thing!

i actually had to lol a bit to this thread.

you go fickle pickle!! !
if jadedness could be packaged and sold, hell, i'd let you have some of mine for free :]

I wish I could cry.

The last time I cried was on the day of my brother's funeral late last year, and that was over a year after the previous time.



If you want to feel older, get an extremely stressful job in an overcrowded city where everyone hates you for taking up 'valuable space', and the company treats all their employees as some kind of machine. Make sure that they expect you to be there at least 10 hours a day (11+ is recommended). Add in at least a 30 minute commute for good measure.

Then, if you don't have horrible neighbors to wake you up throughout the night already, get a bunch of alarm clocks and set then to random times. For full effect, have the alarms start to go off before even going to bed. Nothing helps you feel older by having your heart racing from noise and stress when you're trying to wind down for the evening.

Also, when they do go off, always wait at least 10 minutes before turning them off, to simulate bad neighbors (actual bad neighbors may be loud for hours on end, even overnight). Note that this is much easier to do with actual bad neighbors. Preferably, insomniacs with no respect for other people. Shoddy construction that amplifies all noise is also highly recommended. You could even try leaving the alarms on overnight, if you want to speed up the process. You can use earplugs if you want, as hearing your own panicky rapid heartbeat overnight can also help with the sleep deprivation. You should, however, try to sleep at night. The frustration of being unable to (or getting very little) will also help you feel older.

A year of that, and you'll start feeling very old, very quickly.

I went from feeling like I was in my early 20s to 60s in just one year. (I'm 28 in actual years, by the way). I'm looking a lot older, too. When I look at the mirror, I often find myself thinking "who the hell is this weary looking old man?"

Now, emotionally, I'm not that far, just sort of numb and dead.

I have no life outside of crying and crawling into my safe place, which is my bed.

I can't get a job, because I don't know HOW! And I don't know which ones could be stressful enough. I only have one alarm clock and one cell phone, so I'd only have two.

To get a job, you have to look in the newspapers in the job section and see what places are hiring. Then you go there and pick up an application and fill it out and bring it back, you can also create a resume too and attach it to the application. They might call you they might not for an interview. You can also look online in craigslist in your area for jobs. Watch out for scams though, I stay away from the ones that are about working at home and getting paid to shop.


That's how you get a job. But it's called trial an error as you work to know what jobs you can handle and what you can't handle.

I really hate my town, though, so I don't think setting foot outside is worth it. I'd still look like me, which for some strange reason would stop me. But of course, I'd have to wear a hat and sunglasses when venturing outside (good thing too, as it is summer).

I'll add my experiences, since I'm in my 40s, though apparently am not properly adult in many ways.

What I've noticed is that I'm falling further behind my age-equivalent peers. Not only does AS include developmental delay, it also (at least in my case) precludes full development as seen in NTs. My neurologists have confirmed this, and one told me that I could through years or decades worth of work achieve the social competence of a 15-20 year old.

Fortunately, I'm not social. So this is just an intellectually interesting facet of my existence, similar to my highly flexible joints or oddly acute sense of smell.

As for having a life, you'll have one, but probably not the one you expect. If you have expectations, clear ideas about what you want in life, then just keep working at it. I'm told this strategy is effective. I never had to try it since I never had such expectations or ideas, at least not as they relate to the social domain.

I did want to learn things, and I did. I still want to learn things, and I do. I enjoy the same things now that I did in the 1970s and 80s: science fiction, computers, games, math, etc. Fortunately, they've all become more fun and interesting, so in many real ways life has gotten much better even though I haven't "matured" as NTs do.

Finally, if you want to move to a new place, do so. I've lived in more than a few and am glad I did.

Ya, I am 24 and I still feel like a child a lot of the time . Occasionally I still have meltdowns and cry and scream at my mom over something very trivial. (You could debate the nature of triviality, like from King Lear "reason not the need")................but for example, I am very sensitive to critisism and when my mom says something like "why did you not try harder" in school , I will fly off the handle. At these times when I lose control, I feel childish and I feel like a complete psycho.

I guess Aspergers is a pervasive developmental disorder, so even if you are very intelligent and well developed in some ways, in other ways your develpoment is stunted. I suppose that makes you somewhat immature. I feel immature anyways. I've somewhat come to accept it.

I'm a child in some ways and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm also mature beyond my years in other ways...

Well, same thing goes with me. I'm 23, yet most of the time, I think I'm still like a 10-year-old kid.

@daydreamer84: I share some of the traits you have... although it gets somewhat more toned down nowadays...

i'm 21 yet still fill like i'm in like my mid to late teens