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makuranososhi
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10 Jan 2010, 11:23 pm

MKB, while I can understand your need for brevity... I fear that your daughter's need to be heard is being compromised at the same time. Also, it isn't fair to assume that you know exactly what she means based on her first sentence. From my own personal experience, it is frustrating as I cannot assume the other person has the background or basic resource information to make an informed decision: this is my exposition process. Once that is established, then I can incorporate those ideas and explain my own perspective at that point. Being cut off without being given an opportunity repeatedly is something that will lead to extreme frustration and aggravation in me, though this is just my experience. At the same time, those close to me know that they can ask for a short answer, and I will try to oblige with a single sentence - although it can take me a moment to form such an answer. As long as neither side abuses the privilege, there is no reason not to allow her to express herself fully, and even examine the process with her once she's done speaking to help her better understand what has happened.


M.


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MotherKnowsBest
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11 Jan 2010, 8:07 am

I've had years and years and years of this. With my daughter, it's her way only and anything that interferres with that will be talked into submission. It's verbal bullying. And she is very good at it. The only way I have found to deal with it is to cut her off at the pass.

An example, she wants money off me. I say no. That's it. End of discussion. But no. She will go on and on about the reasons why, how it can be done, why it should be done, what being a parent is all about, what it's like for her friends and on and on and on, using every piece of manipulation she can come up with. She is extremely intelligent and will take things I have said and twist and turn them until eventually my head is spinning and I don't know which way is up. I have learnt the hard way that if I allow her to finish and then still say no, then she will go over it again and again and again until I say yes. In her mind, if I say no after she has explained herself it is because I haven't understood. I have told her repeatedly that I do understand but that the answer is still no, she cannot understand/accept that.

So now, for my own sanity, I interrupt her and tell her firmly no. She goes into a rage and continues with her reasoning at full volume and I don't listen.