Well I am in an odd situation.

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Hi Sweetleaf!

I agree with what jackbus said about seeing a general doctor if you can. Anything is better than nothing.

Whatever music makes you happy and unworried, I would play that. I know that sounds really simplistic and dumbed-down but obviously what you are taking in with one entire sense must play a big role in how you're feeling. And I know what you mean about music that is too cheery not being any comfort - because it doesn't reflect the reality you know at all, any of the pain in that reality, and try to reconcile it.

One last suggestion - I don't know your living situation, but if you live with other students I would really recommend you reach out to a few of the more understanding-seeming and friendly ones, even if you don't know them all that well, and tell them you've been feeling depressed and isolated. Their just knowing might make you feel a little better and lessen your burden that much less. If you don't live around other students, you could approach someone sympathetic-seeming in one of your classes and ask if they have a minute to talk after the class. I know this seems like a daunting thing to do and something you may be really averse to doing, but I've found in general people want to help and don't want to see another person suffering alone.

Have you tried forcing yourself into social situations? I seem to have success with that. It was hard at first but I can almost confidently start a conversatiin. Which is far better than not being able to at all.

I am pretty much the same way but I can succeed in approaching someone if I have the sentence I want to say rehearsed in my head and then I wait for a moment when they seem available to talk, and however much I don't want to do it, I say the sentence (because in the bigger-picture sense I did want to talk to them for a specific reason).

For example: I might just have "Hi, I was wondering if I could ask your advice about something later, just after class." running over and over in my head. I might even have to get up before the class starts if I'm not sitting beside them already and walk over and tap them on the shoulder. Yes that sounds awkward and I'm sure I came off as awkward in many cases but I can't remember any instances when a person I approached for advice/help shunned me in any way; they were always very helpful. Then again I was lucky enough to go to a university with an extremely friendly atmosphere, but I think this would work anywhere.

Obviously though approaching someone out of the blue is a very hard thing to do, so first I would check to see if there are any peer support/mentor programs that you could just sign up for and have someone to talk to without having to make the effort.

ahh i'm the same.
if i try to force myself to talk first and i just stammer and blush.

Sweetleaf, I understand exactly what you are saying because I am going through the same.

If only you could just break that depression for good, you'd be able to get better. D:

At least that's my theory.