Parents chucked away all my belongings without my permission

Post Reply New Topic

My dad is , and has always been unbelievably intrusive & controlling. He has only recently stopped opening my mail (I'm 31 btw with a teenage son), and still opens my two brothers' mail if it is delivered to his address including their bank statements etc. Hew lets himself into our houses with the spare key but does it to 'help out' with something. He gets angry when we don't answer our phones.

He thinks he is always right all the time and probably in his head feels that he was clearing my room out and that I didn't need it anymore. I think he has something wrong with him. My mother on the other hand was probably forced to do it as she is extremely meek and kinda does whatever he says.

They are acting like nothing has happened today. Like it's no big deal. Except my dad's ignoring me - like I am in the wrong for getting so upset. I feel numb.

Forgive my bluntness misswoofalot but I think you need to take away that spare key and take a break from them for a while until you come to terms with what happened and regain some balance. It will be hard to do so while having to put up with the attitude they have now.

I feel for you, I know what it's like as I walked a few miles in those shoes myself...

I just get told to 'stop going on about it' when I try to talk to my mum. My dad refuses to talk to me.

It makes me question my sanity when everyone around me doesn't seem to register the importance if this loss. I love my parents , but I give up now. Numb is all I feel.

Luckily I am moving back home soon. Unfortunately, though I live very close to them. I need to get a social housing transfer to somewhere far, far away I think.

I am moving back to my house next week. I've decided panic attacks or not I need to be gone from here. They will not get the spare key ever again.

Yeah, I wouldn't forgive them. You specifically told them repeatedly to not go in that room or remove anything from it. Then they don't bother to tell you that they did and threw all the stuff away. F-that.

Your father sounds a lot like my stepdad. He had no boundaries. One night he convinced my mom to take our three cats and dump them in the country. My cat escaped and was never seen again. It is quite possible she was run over by a car, driven by my step-brother. I was away from the house babysitting, found out when I got home and the cats were gone. Needless to say I have never forgiven that one. Never will.

If your family doesn't get what the big deal is, they aren't ever going to figure it out.

How you describe your father does not sound like a healthy realtionship at all. You are an adult and the dynamic of yuor personal relationship is still that of parent and infant. If he is incapable of treating you the respect and consideration of one adult to another, it would probably be healthier for you to get as far from him as possible.

For me, personally, if anyone treated me with that kind of disrespect I would have had them criminally charged and they would be permanently excised from my life. That was willful, purposeful and entirely manipulative. Family especially does not get free rein in emotionally abusing you.

Your father sounds like the spit image of my mother (and your mother sounds very similar to my father as well). I haven't spoken to my parents in nearly 4 years, after my mother nearly ruined my wedding and went on to blame me for it. I send cards (birthdays, holidays, etc.), but that's it. They don't even bother to send a birthday card to my husband (we've been married for 4 years, and we've been together for nearly 12 years). I have good contacts with the rest of my family, but until my parents realise the hell they've put me through, I won't bother contact them. They are the ones who have to make the first step. I also live very far from them (two countries away, actually ).

Breaking with my parents was the best thing I ever did. I am much more balanced, and I have a much healthier relationship with the rest of my family (grandmother, uncles, aunts). My parents are actually isolating themselves with their behaviour, and when it comes to family dynamics I have more social contacts with the rest of my family than my parents themselves have, despite living 700km further away!

Good luck.

Just an update - I could see no end to my hate before but now I have calmed down rather , and decided to forgive my parents .

My mum does alot for me so I must add that to the balance of things.

However - I have decided that I shall hide my things in future, get extra locks for the bedrooms and not trust my brother and parents implicitly. I am moving out soon. My parents wont be getting a spare key but I am sure now , they won't be repeating anything similar anytime soon.

I do think my dad feels bad though now - He offered to cook me chicken soup and keeps trying to talk to me, as I have ignored him since it happened.

Thanks for all your replies . You have helped.