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^ Didn't feel like to do it. Besides, my mom was around and our apartment is very small ,everything can be heard, she would wonder my sudden enthusiasm for attending funerals, something that I am very known to hate and avoid by any mean possible, my dad would also suspect it.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 May 2011, 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think its ok for your dad to suspect it. Walk outside if you must to call him. He needs to know what he is doing (if he is) is wrong.

Now that's messed up!

I think I missed that chance, but there will be more chances.

Also, part of me, is denying this hypothesis and procrastinating to find out if there's anything he's hiding.

Another thing I didn't mention, my uncle (dad's bigger brother), was caught of being having a second wife, a much younger woman. His sister and his son forced him to divorce her and to keep this low profile as much as possible. This happened a couple of years ago.

Don't I have the right to get worried?

Of course you do. It's your parents.

I have more to say, but must wait until I get home. iPhone typing is difficult.

Okay.....

It sounds like your father is cheating. The question is: What will be the result when you know? What do you aim to accomplish?

For your mother, this is huge. I was cheated on for a long time. Everyone else knew first. Everyone. I was so embarrassed that by the time I found out, I pretended not to know as long as he came home for the children. It eventually became too much though.

It's a pretty big deal to find out your marriage is a lie and your husband is a liar. I really can't express the pain in words. If I didn't have children, I probably would have committed suicide.

With that said, what added to the pain is that everyone knew, but didn't tell me. I felt foolish. By the time I knew, I was older with more children and my life was settled as their mom. What was I going to do in my late 20's? I started my life over and it's sucked.

The point is, starting over in your late 20's sucks enough. What would your mother do? I assume she is much older. For her to find out, will likely destroy her.

I'm not sure that you have other siblings. What if you do? I have a little sister I could not contact until after 18 years old. We are now Facebook friends. That's it. It's kinda sad. Do you want to be subjected to the pain of knowing they are out there, but not having a connection?

I'm not saying you shouldn't know. I am saying that great pain comes with these revelations. Think about it carefully before doing anything.

And.... I would worry. You have a right to worry. You need to find out for your sanity. I have no idea what else you could do without seriously harming someone emotionally. It's a terrible situation and I am very sorry that you are in it. I am most especially sad for your mother.

At the end of the day, you have to look yourself in the mirror. Do what you feel must be done.

I would stop recognizing him as father and move out. I can't afford much to do that, but I would manage it.

I wouldn't forgive him.

I am unpredictable, there's no guarantee what I might do. Especially if he was cheating her for decades by having a totally second life.





Just want to know the truth.




Their mother is most probably the second wife who's aware of the whole affair, dad never sleeps outside our house so she would certainly know about his first wife, she would be a person with no honor, like my dad would be if all this was true, and hence I wouldn't want to have anything with her nor with any sons/daughters she may have.




You're right, I don't know what I would do at that point, but what if she finds out this by herself? I knew a woman who found out that her husband having a second wife after his death, she met her at the funeral where she (the other wife) rudely introduced herself as his other wife. f**k him if he would ever put her through a such public shock and humiliation!!

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 21 May 2011, 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Honour.

They're both correct terms.

No, they're not.

Honor is american spelling, so he can use that. anyway this is not a grammar thread.

Yes, they are. The first is American English, the other is British. They're synonyms.

And seriously, I am in no mood to argue with nazi-linguists in my thread, so I am kindly asking you to practice your hobby somewhere else.

My grad school has an "Honor Code". I'm certain they can spell correctly.

Inappropriate.

The unfortunate situation here is that the cheaters are rarely hurt, but leave a path of destruction for others behind them. It's truly unfair.

Your mother could get hurt now. It will destroy her and the life she built with your father all these years. (I guess there's a chance she could forgive also)

Your mother could get hurt later. Then her entire life has been a lie and she suffers from embarrassment.

I don't know which is worse. They are both tragic. There's no positive solution. This is why cheating is such a selfish act. Your father deserves the pain, but sadly, it will be your mother who bears it all.

They are both terrible outcomes but at least if she knows whilst he lives, she can at least try to ask questions of him which could help her gain some closure from it.