Can Self Hatred Ever be a Good Thing?

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I think that's right. It's unusual for anybody to put themseves down to people. I think it would focus people on your dark side, and if they care about you, it could make them feel it's hopeless to try to help. It's easy to underestimate the power of your words on people's minds.

I'd say they're being clumsy with their advice, and they might just be too vain to accept you could look nice - because that would make them feel ugly....I think some people try to make themselves look good by making others look bad. But it might just be a bad attempt to say they're worried about your safety.


I think they were technically right but they were also clumsy again. I guess you didn't really mean that nobody likes you, maybe you were just climbing down a bit too generously because you hadn't wanted to seem like you were bragging before. They could have been nicer about it and said that it wasn't true that nobody liked you. There does seem to be something competitive going on, but with Aspies it could just be bluntness.

Self hatred is very distinct from shame...shame implies that it was your decisions that caused you to wind up in a bad situation. If you hate yourself though, you are putting down your attempts to rectify thsoe behaviors that were destructive. It's a form of learned helplessness. I know from experience.

I do have a lot of shame. I am ashamed of who I am. I hate having AS. I hate the insane things it makes me do, like having uncontrollable anger and outbursts, and having crazy obsessions with people and end up making an idiot of myself, and coming out with weird things to people at work then wondering why everyone thinks I'm odd and laughs at me, and having lots of memories of doing stupid things when I was a teenager which I frown upon now.

I also hate myself because I'm always doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, and standing in the wrong place. Well, not sure if I'm always doing the wrong thing and saying the wrong thing, but I know I'm always standing or sitting in the wrong place and everybody else happens to be in the right place. Last week I went out shopping with my friend (who is also an Aspie), and I got in the way already before we even got to the city. As we were stepping on the bus, a very abrupt woman was glaring at me funny, went right upto me and almost stood on my toes, and snapped, ''I need to step onto the curb'', so in other words she was telling me to move. The bus was stopped crookedly, so she had to take a wide step to get onto the curb, but what made me mad was I had to be the one standing in the wrong place, didn't I? My friend had stepped on before me, and so was in a ''safer'' place, and I had to be right in the way of the grumpiest woman. Typical!

And that is not the only awkward thing that happens to me. Awkward things like this happen to me almost every time I go out. I always manage to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time and have the wrong person approach me. And if I'm with others, it never seems to happen to them, only on the very odd occasion. But me, it happens EVERY TIME!! !! !! !! !! So that is another reason why I hate myself.

You shouldn't be ashamed. I really enjoy reading what you have to say about your life, and about how you feel. You can't buy honesty like this and you write well.

I have been there as well Joe90...the first step is to accept it and make the necessary changes. For instance, maybe you can figure out stimming to do when stressed that is more socially acceptable and slowly ease into what most aloof people (those non-aspergians) are able to do fine. I am still working on crowds for instance...it isn't easy but hey, we do great when left to our own whims. That's the plus side.

Sometimes I think so prior to and during a meltdown but afterwards not so much. Negative thoughts can manifest rather rapidly.

A lot of other users have raised some excellent points already, but I think that there is a decisive difference between self hatred and self improvement.

Self improvement is when you make a mistake, realize what you did wrong, learn from it and get over it.
Self hatred is when you make a mistake, realize what you did wrong, learn from it, and continue to suffer.

If this is you, then there is no reason you should have to suffer. I understand where you're coming from--- I experience doubt myself, but at the same time, if you don't believe you can do any better, than your mind will enter a mentality where it believes it and it will hinder you. In short, I would recommend cutting off that voice of hate in your mind. It's important to identify what one does wrong and to learn, but if you just stay down and stay hurt, you will unintentionally defeat yourself. The first step I would recommend you take is identifying the things you do right in a day for around a week, and PLEASE---don't be shy about giving yourself credit!

Apologies in advance for being a contrary prick in The Haven...

Why are you keeping score with yourself over how many friends you have, or how well you did or didn't do in school?



You're sure self-hatred is the source of your innovation? Maybe that's 'dissatisfaction' talking, and it just looks like self-hatred?



Actual self-hatred seems to reach serious levels of danger once it begins to compromise your self-control.