Why cant i find a Method.
I've been suicidal before and actually attempted it once, and looking back I can see that if I had a choice between feeling better and dying I would have chosen feeling better, I just didn't think it was possible. If there are no meds that can make you feel better then the worst that can happen is that you have lost a few weeks trying them and you can always commit suicide at some point in the future.
Can you give it a little time and try some different meds? Talk to a doctor about it and see, sometimes there are meds that can help and you don't lose anything by trying. If you really want to kill yourself, it doesn't have to be today does it? I know that I would want to exhaust all possibilities of getting better before I threw in the towel like that. See whats out there that might work for you to feel better before you give up. That option will always be there, and you have all the time in the world for it, there's no rush. If it's truly hopeless then trying to get better can't hurt anything, and if nothing else, you will know that you did everything you could first.
Talk to your parents or your doctor or someone face to face about this please. Don't do it without trying everything you can to get better.
My parents don't understand me, whenever I tried talking to them about my problems in the past they get all defensive and don't want to know about it.
I asked my doctor just last week that I felt i needed hospitalization, but unfortunately here in the UK our mental health system is completely incompetent. All the Mental Health Hospital/Psych wards were shut down in the 80s and continue to be shut down due to NHS cutbacks. Even if your were to slit your wrists or survive hanging yourself, you still wouldn't be put in a psych ward. Unless you can afford private health care (which my parents cant), your only other option is the NHS which = useless. Last week I walked into my hospitals emergency department saying i was suicidal, they then contacted the Urgent Care Team but they refused to see me as they thought i was not serious enough. THAT is how you are treated in this country if you check into an emergency department. A lot of you who have posted probably live in the US, and that makes it very difficult for me to explain how things are in the UK. The NHS may be very hard for some of you to understand, but believe me, what you hear about the NHS is true. I remember a few years ago when you guys had all the debates on Healthcare Reform/Obama Care and the British NHS was talked about, well all the bad things you hear about the NHS are true. You are a lot better off in America with regards to Mental Health Care.
I am also on a variety of different meds, But none of them make me any happier. Here's all the Medications I've been/am on.
- Fluoxetine 20mg
- Venlafaxine (Effexor) 75mg, 100mg, 150mg
- Clonazepam 0.5mg (W)
- Diazepam 5mg
- Lorazepam 1.0mg
- Escitalopram 10mg
- Paroxetine (Paxil) 50mg (Helped the Most)
- Sertraline (Zoloft) 50mg, 100mg, 200mg
- Fluvoxamine (Luvox) 100mg
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Gospel Of Rage
I am also in the UK and I know how hard it can be to get a voluntary hospital admission or indeed to be sectioned. Please don't do anything just to try and be admitted. - I have made repeated suicide attempts including one at work and I've never been admitted.
I think part of the issue may be your age. You are still young enough for a Young Person's Unit but they tend to have limited spaces. When you are over 18 you may end up in the adult system - it might be easier to end up in hospital at that point. I would say that you may find that experience worse than the one you are having just now. I've never been in an adult psychiatric ward, but I've been in a locked toxicology ward in a normal hospital after an overdose and quite a few people in the same ward as me were sectioned while I was there and taken away. But because I knew who the Prime Minister was and said I wouldn't do it again I was discharged. The man next to me was so distraught he couldn't even comprehend where he was. The worst thing for me was that they had no spaces on the women's ward so put me in with the men. One exposed himself to me and I woke up to find a different man stood over me just watching me - I think he just wanted to make sure I was breathing but it was still very frightening. In an adult ward you would be in with adults, some of whom would be quite frightening. Hospital is a last resort, but there have been times when I felt I would rather be there. With hindsight I am glad that I was never admitted, I wouldn't have coped from an Aspie point of view with the food, the noise, all the different people and the fear that one of my possessions (I have a few things I need to keep with me overnight to feel OK) would be stolen or taken away.
Your list of meds looks pretty familiar to me. I am a little surprised that you have been on paroxetine as I was under the impression that it was not considered suitable for teenagers. I'm hoping that this is not the one you have suddenly stopped taking? If you are currently on fluoxetine I think there is room for manoeuvre dosage wise, but that stopping taking it can make you feel much worse. I understand why you would stop if you feel it is not helping you, but sometimes it is best to keep taking it until it can be changed, or stopped gradually.
I'm sorry you are having such a horrible time. Maybe your parents find it hard to talk about because they are terrified. I'm sure they love you very much and it must be upsetting for them to see you feeling so distraught. Some people find that very hard to cope with and say the wrong things but it does not mean that they do not care. It is very hard for people who have never felt the way you do to understand.
I know I'm repeating myself but please speak to your Doctor about your meds.
I'm also in the UK, and I've had a lot of experience with doctors, counsellors, community mental health team etc since I was in my teens.
I also think that part of the problem is your age. Going through your teens can be a difficult experience and sometimes the doctors seem to think it's just a phase you're going through.
As I understand the NHS system, it's very unlikely that you would be admitted to a pyschiatric hospital because of suicidal thoughts or even a suicide attempt- that's as much due to funding issues as anything. To put things in perspective, a psych hospital is often the last resort when all else has failed, or the respite for people with severe mental health issues (schizophrenia, personality disorders etc). I don't think you would find being admitted beneficial in helping to improve your state of mind, to be honest. Worse case scenario, you could end up being very heavily dosed up, in a noisy, unsettling environment, feeling totally powerless. Restricted visiting hours, long long days.... you get the idea.
The usual path is for your doctor to try to stabilise your mood with anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication. If this route doesn't work, the next step is counselling or another sort of talking therapy, often at a medical centre or through the community mental health team. That may involve having an assessment, and putting into place a plan to ensure that you feel 'safe' from suicidal thoughts.
So in some ways, you can get ahead of the game by talking to someone - the samaritans perhaps - who will be familiar with the troubles you are facing and can suggests ways of helping. Or you could ask your doctor to refer you to a counsellor or therapist.
Are you at college? If so there should be someone there you can speak to, who has appropriate training and who can offer you some support to help you move forward.
