Hi, I thought I might share some of my experience working at H&R Block which might be similar to some of your experiences at the summer camp with the equestrian team.
My third year there I was offered a promotion to office manager, which generally just involved a lot of paperwork and micromanagement from above. One Saturday, one of our employees who was a middle-aged lady working as a receptionist came to me and said she was concerned about a potential stalker who was interested in one of the younger receptionists. I said something like, 'Wow, that's pretty serious. Thank you for coming to me. And yes, personal safety is very important. And I think these kind of cases, yes, I think a person needs to trust your gut instincts, for gut instincts are often a good thing to trust. You might want to also talk to Ann* who's here.'
Ann* (not her real name) was the district manager who was there to do a Saturday training.
I thought I handled it pretty well. Since I'm a guy and Ann's a lady, I thought she would be more attuned and more skilled in handling a situation like this.
About fifteen minutes later I heard Ann on the phone: ' . . What I don't understand is why you're leading him on! . . You're bringing this problem into the store!'
That is, Ann handled the situation about as badly as she could. If someone was to make a training film in stereotypical fashion of what not to do in cases of sexual harassment and what not to do in cases of potential stalking, Ann pretty much did this.
Looking back, I wish I would have made a complaint to the company hierarchy right then and there. And what I didn't fully realize at the time was that I lost respect for Ann as a boss and a co-worker.
I talked to the young receptionist on Monday basically saying: Guys can be first-rate jerks. If we need to call the police, we'll call the police. And try not to hold it against Ann, she's good in other areas.
That is, I tried to be low-key and effective and non-rattled. I think I did okay. I might have still be able to do better.
Later on, this young receptionist said, 'He better not become a stalker!' which I thought was good and healthy anger on her part.
About three weeks later, I hung up on the phone to Ann on some unrelated stuff. (And my real mistake was picking up the phone in any thing less than 4 hours!) I called up the main regional person and told her the whole story, but by then it was a big whelter of a mess.
About that time, the potential stalker came back to the store. The older receptionist came and told me that guy was there again looking through the window. I went outside with my business card. And the fact that I'm 5'5" I think played to strength because I'm not physically intimidating. I said, 'Hi, I think there's been a misunderstanding' as I handled him my card. We met on the sidewalk about midway between the H&R Block location and the next store. It was broad daylight. Poker player that I am, I tried to make a point to keep track of his hands in my periphereal vision, so if he tried to hit me, I could block. I repeated, 'I don't know all the facts, but I think there may have been a misunderstanding. First off, she's a lot younger than you are.' He said, I see, and walked off. And I think the fact that I did not humiliate the man put the odds more in our favor.
And for this act of physical bravery on my part, well, it became just one more thing they criticized me for in the whelter of confusion and half-lies when they fired me. The older receptionist actually made me a cake, but I had already been fired and I didn't check my phone messages for two days.
The main regional lady (Ann's boss) took the tact, people who are younger need to learn office appropriate behavior. That is, she blamed this young receptionist. And then, I think rather realizing and feeling that she had put herself into a box, she looked for things to blame and attack me about. I was talking about other problems with the store, hoping we could make progress on these and then get back to the potential stalker situation in constructive fashion. And as soon as she found out that I was calling our clients denied for the loans instead of waiting for them to storm the store, she attacked, attacked, attacked.
Two days later they got me on the fact that I had asked one of the receptionists to put a note in the register, '$20 in the possession of manager _____________ ' I had split the fifty dollars of 'petty cash,' thirty for register money, twenty for needed store supplies. In fact, I had already submitted a petty cash report for about ninety-six dollars, about half of it for a large box of paper from Office Max and the other half for assorted other things. So, the petty cash was used for petty cash. And what they call 'petty cash,' they actually meant register bank. But all this other stuff, it looks like I'm covering my track at the last minute. The note in the register is redundant but it is not dishonest.
After I got fired, my Dad harshly attacked me on things he knew about (yes, I was forty-six years old at the time). Have been living with my parents, which is generally a lousy and at times a terrible situation.
I've thought about taking up a level higher in the company hierarchy, but every time I'd run this mental tape, I'm just exploding, and losing credibility. I know it's more strategic to understate and underplay the hand, but I can't really do that.
02 Jun 2012, 12:23 am
I have been where you are - feeling completely overwhelmed and hopeless with no reason to stay here - but I'm glad that I did stay here. You need to tell your therapist that you are having these thoughts. You need the help, sweetheart. ((hugs)) again.
